Leaving the Light
By: Christine Schnell
Chapter 27
Strange, I never wanted to see Bram again, yet I did feel an
emptiness as I left Mona behind. It's not like I had been away
from him for a long time. It had been only minutes, and already
I missed him. Something was definitely wrong with that, I knew.
Whom, but only those hopelessly in love would feel like that? I
wasn't hopelessly in love. At least at the time I didn't think
so. The sad thing was, I found that I was no longer upset, but
hurt. He yelled at me. He bared his teeth at me and could have
bitten me, just like Lowell and Denise and lord knows how many
more. He probably doesn't have much consideration at all for
us. We're just food to him. I couldn't believe that I ever had
feelings for a monster like that. Yet my freakish masochistic
heart had me missing him. I did. I missed his smile. Those
deep, blue, thoughtful eyes and that laugh. His good-natured
laugh that proved how much he enjoyed life, I think is what I
missed most. Or was it his kisses? He kissed me as if I were
the only person who ever meant anything to him. Like each time
was the first time and the last time our lips would touch.
Hungry and lustful, yet gentle and loving. Yes, at that moment
that was what I missed most about him. It's what I missed about
that lying son of a bitch who had the gall to deny killing
Lowell. I wanted to hit something! I didn't since I was too
close to the slave court and might attract attention. As I
rounded into the slave court I was mentally exhausted and so was
in no mood for what greeted me there.
I know that in small communities word travels fast, but this
was ridiculous. There, not too far from the door, was a bunch
of gaggling geese; more commonly known as gossiping women. They
stopped for a moment when I walked in and waited for me to pass
before they started up again. I heard words I had expected like
"tripe, hussy, trouble maker" but everything just became
quacking again as I got further away. There wasn't much I could
do, and no reason to get upset since it would only make things
worse. I did what I do best. I ignored them.
I ignored them, the quiet whispers around the sleeping area
that night, and the chefs in the kitchen the next day. The
latter made no show of hiding their conversation. In fact they
did what they could to make me hear them, even while I had my
head stuck in the oven.
No that wasn't another attempt to kill myself, though the
thought had crossed my mind. I was stuck with cleaning duties
that day, and as luck would have it, one of the worst jobs too;
cleaning the ovens. It was bad enough that they weren't cleaned
too often, but they were in constant use and the chefs made a
very loud fuss at having to relinquish one at a time. Thus they
found great pleasure in talking about me in front of my back.
One of them proclaimed how he had known all along who the
murderer was but knew well enough to not say anything. Another
pointed out the irony that my "lover" had been the murderer all
along. At that I was going to rush out of the over and give her
my own opinion of Bram. Unfortunately the moment was kind of
ruined when I hit my head on the top of the oven causing my hair
got stuck in the gunk that layered it. So my exit wasn't
exactly graceful. By the time I had gotten upright all chefs
were busily and conveniently back at work. I knew none of them
had known anything about it. Many were fairly forthcoming with
their lack of knowledge in my initial investigation. Hell, most
of them didn't even know who Lowell was. Seems I've created a
popularity for him in death he could have never enjoyed in life.
I thought that honor was only bestowed on artists and authors.
Shrugging it off, I went back to work with a chorus of giggles
echoing in the walls of the oven.
Bram was right. I wasn't a professional. I might not be able
to do anything about Lowell's murderer, but someone else might
be able to. If anything this damn case was getting more
clouded. I've created more questions than I've answered. I
wished I could bring in a professional.
Wait! Why couldn't I? I mean, with all the slaves here at
least one of them could be a police man, or even a detective.
This would certainly be far easier if I had someone helping me
ask questions or at least figuring out what to do with my
suspect.
How would I go about finding out who had that kind of
background? Now who did I know who had information at his
fingertips? I wondered just how much info The Master of All
Things had on his computer about us. There's only one way to
find out.
"You'd think she'd get it by now. We're here to serve." The
chefs were at it again.
I stood abruptly, missing the top of the oven, taking them by
surprise. "If you don't like how I do things," I threw the
greasy sponge at them. "then you can clean it." I stormed off,
as I had better things to do. The only place I could think to
start was in the computer system. True they didn't have our
fingerprints in the system, but maybe they had other
information.
For some reason I wasn't surprised to find the door locked and
nobody home. I didn't hesitate to unlock the door. Wen, like
Al, had suspiciously disappeared from normal slave society. Not
that Wen often socialized with us, but every now and then he
could be seen in the slave court. Recently there hasn't been a
peep out of him. Unlike Al, I wasn't worried about him. In
fact the last time I had seen him in the hallway he seemed
rather healthy, if not happy. I just couldn't believe he'd stay
away from his computers this long. I was sure he wouldn't be
away much longer, in fact maybe he had been here since the last
time I was.
I went into the dark room and quickly found the lights before I
took a step knowing how rugged the terrain was. To my surprise,
it wasn't that bad. While the room was still cluttered, there
seemed to be some sense of order to it. Shelves had been
installed and the extra equipment had been stacked neatly on
them. Rows of monitors (some two high) and keyboards lined two
walls their wires snaked neatly down behind the tabletops to the
computers below. Manuals, disks and the sort were placed where
they would fit in-between the stations. The third wall held a
work station, slightly less organized with piles of papers,
tools and misc. equipment. Boxes still lined the ground, but in
neat rows that were easily maneuvered around. I was fairly
impressed on the change.
I didn't waste time turning on each and every computer so that
they'd all be up and running at the same time for easy access.
I just hoped the vampires wouldn't notice the activity. It's
not like my little venture was a secret to them any longer. I
just didn't want to be told off for using their equipment
against them.
Once the first computer was up, I ran a quick check and found
it was connected over a local area network to the others in the
room. This way I could check all from one station making my job
much easier. So where to begin? I stared at the computer
screen. It waited patiently for me to do something. I sighed.
How would you go about finding the name of a person whom you
don't know?
Name? If someone's who's name I knew was in a database, surely
people's names I did not know would also be in that database.
So the easiest one I could think of was my own. I entered the
command to do a search of files that had my name somewhere in
them and was rather pleased by the result. Right away a couple
files appeared.
The first one was obvious. It was my fingerprints we had
scanned when I first got myself into this mess. The second file
was one having to do with this same scan. The next five or so
were my stories. Hmmm... How'd they get in there? Keir must
have downloaded them from his laptop. No mention of who or what
I was before coming here, or even while I was in service here.
Undeterred by this I ran a similar check through the network on
the next computer. It returned far less. As was normal with my
luck, these were only backups of the files I had already seen.
I checked the next computer, and the next, it wasn't until I hit
the last computer crossing my fingers that something turned up.
It was a single line out of what appeared to be Wen's journal.
"Toni Aloise: strange girl, shows potential."
I wasn't really sure how to take that. In my book strange is a
compliment, and the second portion seemed to be so as well, but
what was I showing potential for? Yet one more mystery, one of
these days I might actually solve one.
Hoping beyond hope that the Master of All Things might have
written a bit more on others I pulled up the file from which
that line came.
After three hours of reading something that seemed to come out
of stereo instructions I closed the journal. I had found
nothing. Oh he mentioned a few of the slaves, but nothing more
than a line or two about them, definitely nothing like what I
was looking for. So not knowing what else to do, I began the
tedious job of searching each computer for words like;
detective, cop, bobby and even fuzz. Did even one return
anything? Yes. However, not one had anything to do with a
slave here. Some, for instance, were from one of the stories I
had written. I never realized I used the word constable so
often. I was now at a complete loss.
I slammed my fist into the computer keyboard. How stupid I had
been. Why would vampires need records of humans when they could
just read our minds and know anything they wanted to about us
instantly? So what next? I didn't know how to answer that
question. I could do it the old fashioned way and ask around.
I cringed. The last time I started asking questions it didn't
go over too well. With all the gossip flying around right now,
I doubt I'd get any better reception. What else could I do?
Ask one of the vampires for help? Yeah, like they'd tell me.
I walked slowly back to the court after shutting down
everything, I wouldn't be needing that room for a while. I
hoped Wen would be back soon, as he might have some more
insight. He might even be able to help me get onto the
Internet. I could find no way to connect to anything outside of
that room. He had implied that he could, but I didn't see how.
So who else could give me the info I needed? Someone who
wouldn't get upset at me asking all sorts of questions. Al was
one. He knows a lot about the people here. Of course I had
little hope of finding him.
Gary too knew all the people here, but I wasn't about to ask
him. Both Dr. Wendel and Hilltop should know something about
their patients. Perhaps I would start with them.
Dr. Wendel was walking about the beds talking to patients here
and there, but looked somewhat rushed. Glancing around I caught
sight of Dr. Hilltop in the back working on some notes. I
walked through the infirmary trying not to catch Dr. Wendel's
attention. I knocked on the door frame to his office. "Chris
you got a minute?"
He looked up at me then closed his file. "We're just about to
do a shift change. I've got a couple minutes to spare. Is
something wrong?"
I took a seat. "No nothing's wrong, I just wanted to ask you
something."
"Shoot."
"You've been here quite a while haven't you? How much do you
know about your patients."
He eyed me suspiciously. "You're not trying to get
confidential information are you?"
"I don't think it's confidential. I just was wondering if you
know of the professions of your patients previous to coming
here." He looked at me unsure of how to answer. "You know, did
anyone have a dangerous occupation before they were kidnapped by
the vampires. Military, cop, sanitation engineer, that sort of
thing."
He smiled at my feeble attempt at humor then shook his head.
"Sorry, I just stitch them up after the vampires are done with
them."
"You never noticed old scars or anything like that and asked
about them for their medical history?"
He shrugged. "The computers tell us everything we need to know
about a person's medical history. Operations, bullet wounds,
broken limbs, all show up. I never ask about them."
"Too bad." I thought for a moment, I couldn't hit a complete
dead end here. "What about Doctor Wendel?"
"You're joking right?" Dr. Chris Hilltop always had a good
sense of humor which he displayed now. "That old codger cares
about one thing; getting people out of his sick beds. Oh sure,
some say he's a pussy cat at heart, but don't you believe it."
He said with a wry smile.
I figured he was probably right. "There must be someone who
knows." I implored. He didn't seem to be able to think of
anyone. After a second I asked, "What about the person who
gives us our assignments? They surly should know something of
our background, else they wouldn't assign us to those tasks
which suited us best."
"Do you really think a slave would be entrusted with that type
of job?"
"Do you really think a vampire would waste his time writing
everyone's schedule down?"
"Of course not. Virginia does that, but the vampires tell her
who's suited for what job."
"So she would know something about each of us?"
"You can try, but I doubt if you'll get anywhere with her."
"Why?"
"She's over there." He pointed me to one of the beds. Out
cold, but not near death was Virginia her long white hair
frazzled where it was normally kept in a bun, eyes sunken, skin
deathly gray. I couldn't stand to look at her for some reason
and I turned back to Chris.
"How long before she comes out of it?" I asked.
He shrugged, "A day or two. I don't want to push her." He
said the last to me directly implying he knew I was in a good
deal of a rush. "Honestly though, I don't think she'll know.
You know she has a reputation as a gossip," actually I didn't
know that, if I had I might have gone to her first, "the sad
thing is she's wrong half of the time. She's getting kind of
old and the mind's not as crystal clear as it used to be. She
gets a lot of her facts confused."
That's too bad. Of course half a mind was better than no mind
at all and she might remember something. I would have to
remember to come back here in a couple days if I hadn't found
what I wanted. "Thank you anyway Chris." I stood to go and
stuck out my hand for a shake.
He stood too and shook it. He kept holding on even afterwards,
but only to keep me there for a second more. "It's not your
fault Toni."
"Excuse me?"
"Lowell's death. It's not your fault."
"I know, that's why I'm trying to bring his murderer to
justice." Then a thought struck me. "You didn't see anything
unusual that day did you? Or see anyone messing with the life
support system that shouldn't have been?"
He took a deep breath. "No, nothing. You might want to save
yourself the mental anguish of trying to accomplish the
impossible."
I interrupted him before he could say anymore. "I'm not going
to stop investigating this until I've brought him to justice."
"Actually I was going to say; not to try and get information
about patients out of Dr. Wendel. He's got his own personal
issues with the subject."
"Oh, sorry for snapping."
"No problem." I left before I could embarrass myself any
further.
I had become known as someone who likes to be alone, even when
I've been bugging people with my notorious questions. Since
there was another lull in my investigation the emptiness I had
felt when leaving Bram returned. I couldn't help it, I didn't
want it, but it was there. Right now I wanted to be alone with
it. I always had liked my solitude. I never had many friends
as a kid. There weren't that many in my neighborhood, and of
course as sibling rivalry goes, my sister didn't want me hanging
out with her and her friends. So I had become somewhat of an
isolationist, with the exception of a couple good friends, but
even they left me alone most of the time. The people here had
seemed to learn the same thing. All though we all need human
interaction from time to time, I just needed less.
I can't deny that I lived an awful lonely life and often fell
into depression because of this, but I'd like to think I'm also
an optimist and found a good side to everything so the
depressions were often shallow and not long lived. At this
point in time I wasn't depressed will all that had been going on
I didn't really have time to be, but I did want very much to be
alone. People were pretty perceptive about that, so I was left
alone at my table in the rec room with my pad of paper and
pencil. The closest I came to interaction that day was when I
ordered food, and even then no conversation passed except the
names of the food. There were people all about me moving from
one place to another, but not one approached me. And so even in
a crowd I was alone.
The noise bothered me somewhat but I had gotten used to it. It
had replaced the music on the radio I used to play in the
background while I wrote before coming to this horrid place. The
jukebox in the other room was playing something I didn't
particularly care for, so I sat as far from it as possible.
That was also where the bulk of the people were so it really was
for the best. I watched people about me for inspiration and
ideas, and also so I knew what was going on. No matter how much
I liked to be alone I still like to know what was happening in
the world around me. That was why when I first arrived here I
was so frightened of being cut off from the rest of the world.
I still was, but the rest of the world didn't really matter now.
My world was here around me. It may not be ideal but it was
better than nothing.
Of course I wasn't really that interested in the world around
me either, that information didn't matter in the long run. So
what was I left with? Damned if I knew! I had a lot of
information stuck in my head from my observations, but hardly
any of it ever came to any use except to confuse me where there
was one bit of information hidden among it. Such as this
investigation, I had all of this information and it was leading
me nowhere. My head back then was so jumbled with information
and no way to sort it that it often caused me problems. My
memory was atrocious because of it and my thought process wasn't
much better, hence the time it was taking me to solve this
murder case. That may be one of the reasons I took up writing
it was at least one way to sort all that information out. Works
much better than trying to troubleshoot circuits, that just adds
more information to the mess. The activity around me wasn't
doing me much good. With all the distractions about me all I
had down on the paper were a few paragraphs, hardly anything to
get my writing mood going. So I sat staring at people and into
my own mind trying to find something to add to the paper.
I'm babbling again aren't I? The point of all of this was; I
just happened to be watching the door, to see who was coming and
going, and my heart leaped and fell at the very same time. Bram
had entered the room, but on each of his arms was a girl. Both
were slaves here, incredibly skinny and very beautiful. I was
used to men whom I was infatuated with liking these super model
beauties, but for some reason this was different. I was of
course hurt after he told me time and again that he didn't care
about that sort of thing. This was more than hurt. This felt
like betrayal. Not that I wasn't pissed at him to begin with.
Was this his way of quarreling? To find something he knows
would just absolutely upset me and flaunt it in front of me.
Well, I wasn't about to let him get the upper hand. I wasn't
going to care. He could be giving one a hickey with one of them
and I wouldn't care. He wasn't the end all be all of my life.
No, he wouldn't get the best of me. I was going to sit right
there and just act like nothing was wrong.
He took note of me almost immediately; probably felt my eyes on
him. He half waved to me, as much as he could with the bimbo
swinging from his arm. I pretended to have my head buried in my
papers and not notice him. It was worse than I thought. The
bastard was trying to act like nothing had happened between us!
When I glanced up in the next second he was being dragged to the
other side of the room by the second bimbo, but they had taken a
table close enough that they could be easily seen especially
when he kissed one of them. I don't believe he did it to upset
me, it wasn't like he was looking to me when he did it, but he
must have known I'd be watching. I was so upset that I didn't
know whether to run off and hide from the sight or to stay here,
act like a brave soul who could take something like this, but
really only stay to watch what other atrocities he could commit.
I concentrated on the paper under my nose trying not to think
about him. He who had always been my knight in shining armor
never doing anything to hurt me now shows up with sluts, showing
off in front of me. I gritted my teeth and forced my hand to
move so I could think of something else. Slowly I started to
put something down on the paper, even if it was nonsense.
Then something totally unexpected happened, I was completely
distracted from Bram by someone sitting next to me. Nate came
by just to chat. He was young and his shocking red hair was
contradictory to his nature. He was a nice quiet fellow who was
always a pleasure to talk to, though he hardly ever had much to
say. Now was one of those times. He kept his warm cup of
coffee between his hands as if he was freezing and spoke softly
to me. Not to keep from being heard, it was just his nature.
He liked to chat about his little nook of the world he had
carved out here, he was a fervent gardener and cared for the
small greenroom that was buried deep in the building somewhere.
I had never seen it though I had heard much about it through
Nate. I had asked on occasion to go down and see it with him.
Something inevitably came up that distracted us from our
purpose, such as now.
"Hi Toni." Mona was in a not so surprisingly good mood.
"Hi Mona." My tone was low and not too welcoming. Perhaps she
would get the idea that I was enjoying my talk with Nate and
didn't want to be interrupted.
"I'm Mona." She slid her hand out to him like a princess.
Disgusting.
"I'm Nate." He introduced himself cordially, though I could
see in his eyes he was a little confused.
"Oh the gardener." Man this girl got around. I didn't even
know that until I sat at lunch with him and talked for almost
two hours before he told me.
They chatted for a moment and I took that opportunity to let my
mind slip back to Bram. I glanced towards him, to find that he
was thoroughly engaged in more than conversation with one of the
tarts he brought in. I began to wonder if this had been a usual
sight before I came here. Then I wondered if it was a usual
sight when I wasn't around, busy with another vampire. My mind
offered many alternative scenarios where he flirted and made out
with other women behind my back, laughing the whole time at me
and my ignorance. How stupid I had been to ever think I could
be the only one he loved. I grunted at this, which drew Nate's
a Mona's attention back to me.
Mona glanced in the direction I was looking. Nate was
oblivious and looked at me queerly. "He is such a jerk." I
told Nate.
"Who? Bram?" The offense he took told me he thought I was
insane.
Mona at the mention of the name, apparently not realizing he
was what I was looking at, asked "How did you know he was the
one who told me who the murderer was?"
"It doesn't take an inebriated Watson to find out in this
place." Especially with the way she was acting when she found
me. Nate's eyebrows raised he really had no idea what was going
on. "So, how many times did you sleep with him before he would
give you the information."
"Excuse me?"
"I think you heard me."
"Um, I think it's time for me to go." Nate snuck out without
me really noticing.
"I didn't sleep with him at all." She sounded offended as if
she thought she was the one I was calling a slut.
Slightly on the defensive I asked. "He didn't ask for sex in
return for the information he gave you?"
She shook her head only slightly understanding what I was
talking about. "We flirted a little but he never asked and I
never offered."
I was confused now. I think I know the guy, then I find out I
didn't, and now he does something completely surprising. "Well,
what did he ask for?"
"Nothing. Toni, I'm confused. I thought you two were a couple
or something."
"Or nothing."
"He was very forthcoming. He seemed to know that I'd be
talking to you and wanted to give you the information, but you
were fighting with him. Why were you fighting with him?"
"Because he's a lying bastard."
"So you don't think I should believe him about who he said the
murder was?"
"I don't care." I finally answered her question. "Believe
what you want. It doesn't matter now."
"I thought you were still looking into it. I heard you were
looking for a professional detective."
"Do you know one?" I asked almost hopefully.
"No." She confessed.
"That's because there's no such thing." I knew it had to be
too good to be true.
"You shouldn't give up. What if the murderer strikes again."
I shook my head. "You weren't listening. It doesn't matter
Mona. The murderer or someone else WILL strike again and
there's nothing I or anyone else can do to stop it. It's the
nature of this place."
"If you know someone else is going to die, can't you go to the
authorities here?"
I shook my head. How much could I tell her without exposing
them and getting myself in trouble again? "Do you think the
'authorities' would do anything about it? How do you know
they're not the ones committing the murders? Or at least
sanction them?"
She pondered this for some time. "I guess I don't. I don't
even know who these authorities are."
"You will eventually." I thought about that damned stream that
led me straight to the King and how he manipulated me. I could
see him doing the same to Mona, only much more easily. If these
meetings really were an annual event as they seemed to me to be,
I had a feeling she would get to see these authorities for
herself in a month or two.
"Oh." She fell silent as I was pondering how she would react
to having to walk in the stream. I think she wouldn't have a
problem. A little disgust at first, but she would do as she was
told, no problem. "Well, can I ask your advice about
something?" Here we go.
"What?" I sighed.
"Well, there's this guy I like..."
I held up my hand. "Don't you think you're asking the wrong
person?"
She smiled slightly. "I know you've had problems, but you seem
to have a reasonable head on your shoulders." Gee she really
didn't know me. "Besides you seem to know a lot about the
people here. I was hoping you'd know him, Sinclair something, I
don't think I ever heard his last name."
"I don't think he has one." Oh I did know Sinclair. He wasn't
exactly one I would have a crush on. In fact he was one of the
first to have his way with me here and that has turned me off of
him completely. I don't think it'd be a good idea to tell her
about that, at least not yet. This didn't mean that I couldn't
warn her about him. "I wouldn't get involved with him if I were
you."
"Why not?"
I took a breath while I struggled to think how to tell her
without telling her everything. "He is in with a bad crowd."
Now why did that sound familiar?
"Oh, I know he's one of our captors. I was just hoping you
could tell me what he was like."
I had to tell her something, but I couldn't tell her what he
was. "He is like all the others. He's selfish, unkind and a
liar. I wouldn't trust him."
"They're not really that bad. You like Bram-"
"No, I don't. No matter who they are, even if you think
they're nice like Bram, they have no other intention other than
to use us."
"I don't understand."
I looked around for Gary, just in case. "Mona, do you even
know what our 'captors' really want?"
She shook her head innocently. "I thought you did."
"I thought I did too." I thought about Bram, how he had
brought me here because "he loved me." Only to find out that
wasn't true. "I don't anymore."
"I thought, from what I've seen around here, that we just do
their laundry, cook their food and stuff like that."
I ached to tell her the truth, but all I could do is shake my
head and say; "I'm just saying, be careful with this guy. He
might do more than break your heart."
She blinked at me as she tried to process my cryptic remarks.
"I understand. Thank you."
I wanted to tell her she was welcome, but I don't really think
I did her a favor, especially with what would happen to her
later. In a way I felt responsible for her, she had latched on
to me like a puppy looking for someone to lead her, and I led
her to her destruction. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I
knew nothing of that then and she had more to share with me, so
my mind had already forgotten the pain she would no doubt
endure, and instead found new pain for me.
"Before I go," She had looked over to Bram and whispered to
me. "Do you know someone named Kama?"
"Yes." I whispered back wondering what she was going to say
next.
"I know you said I shouldn't believe him, but just in case,
maybe you shouldn't believe everything she tells you either."
She left leaving me to think about this. Now wasn't that a
complete 180? Little innocent Mona who knows nothing of
vampires is warning me about a very dangerous one. Given the
source it still wasn't bad advice, in fact the best advice was
to not believe anything any of them say. Too bad I never
remembered this.
Peace and non quiet at last. I busied my mind away from
reality for a little while as I thought up new ideas to write.
It was nice getting away, even if it was in my imagination.
Soon I admitted to myself that if I wanted to remember any of it
I'd have to start writing it down. So just as I was to put pen
to paper what happened? The shrill little voice oh so familiar
to me now rang through my ears. All day I had been left alone,
now I couldn't get rid of them. "Will the interruptions never
cease?" I muttered to myself. It always happens; I get a mood
going and someone inevitably breaks it. Even to this day! But
that's irrelevant. What is relevant is that Lacey now was
waiting patiently for me to cool down.
I finally looked up at her with a bit of a scowl. Her plastic
smile never faded. "We're organizing a dance tonight."
I was interrupted for this? "That's nice. Am I serving or
being served to others?"
Her smile brightened as if she thought I was joking. "There
won't be any vampires there silly. It's just for us."
I glared at her. "How do you propose we keep them out."
She stared blankly at me for a moment I don't think she had
thought about this. "Well, they'll just know they're not
invited."
I suppressed a sigh. "That wasn't my question." She didn't
like my attitude and before getting her more upset I changed the
subject. "What's the occasion?"
"It's Gary's birthday." I could have sworn her cheeks turned a
shade redder. No one ever paid any attention to my birthday, or
anyone else's so far as I could tell. Why the sudden change for
the vampire's yes man?
A second look at Lacey told me it probably wasn't a sudden
change. I've know for quite some time that she was somewhat
interested in him. Lacey had obviously been planning this for
some time. "How young is the old man?"
"He'll be 40!" She said proudly as if this was a significant
number. It was true that Al turned 60 a couple years ago and no
one even noticed. I personally think 60 is a much more
significant number to honor. After the little bit of dead
silence, as I wasn't excited about it, she
asked; "So will you be there."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Great! You don't need to bring anything, just yourself okay?"
"Okay." Oh, a party. I didn't even go to parties when I was
free. I was lucky I went to prom, of course that was a mess
that I don't really want to get into. That relationship was
worse than mine with Bram. Once again my reminiscence was
broken as she called out across the room waving. "Hi Patrick.
Are you going tonight?"
There was a barely audible reply and Lacey looked perturbed.
"I better go talk to him. See you tonight." She said to me. I
shrugged it off.
Lacey bounced around the room I think she was in just too good
a mood. I heard her voice squeal as she found yet another
person who she could invite. It wasn't long before
she was right next to me again, I gripped my pencil tighter but
didn't say a word. "By the way Toni. You might need this
later." She shoved a crumpled, yet now nicely folded, piece of
paper into my hand. I recognized it as my list I had started
for Kama, but had wound up tossing.
"Thanks." Her ominous warning that Kama would want to see me
today did not go over my head.
The next few hours proved to be uneventful, even on my piece of
paper. Bram had disappeared while I was talking with Lacey,
probably went back to his room with the girls. No one else
seemed likely to bother me for the rest of the day. I longed
for one face in the crowd. As Al was no doubt still on his
little trip, I had no hope of seeing him today. Not even Gary
popped his gruff face in to say hi.
I had long ago given up trying to write some story. Now I
concentrated on the list before me knowing it was only a matter
of time before Kama called for me. To my dismay that time was
shorter than I thought.
It was only an hour or two before I saw her tromping through
the door and she was headed straight for me. She pulled me to
my feet before I could get a word out and rushed me out of the
quad, speeding right past Keir whom for some reason I had a
feeling was coming to see me, especially when I saw that look on
his face as we passed. I smiled and waved back at him.
Everything happened so fast over the next few hours. To my
delight she never asked to see my list. She had something much
more horrible planned for me.
She found me a beautiful dress and helped me do my makeup
exceptionally nice. I couldn't argue with her, nor would she
answer any of my questions as to why I was doing this, I just
had to accept it. When finished she pulled me along down the
hall. At first I had thought she wanted to prepare me for
Gary's party, until I started to recognize the area and I dug my
heels into the ground. "Toni, walk with me."
I couldn't disobey her, but I also couldn't do what she had
intended for me. "I can't. Miss Kama, I know what you're
trying to do, and I appreciate it, but I can't go through with
it."
"It's no longer your decision."
"Who's is it? The King's?" No one short of him could make me
go. She glowered at me, oh boy, was I asking for it.
"Mine. If you don't like it I will pick you up and carry you
to the door." End of argument, I picked my feet up and walked
the rest of the way defeated, just before the door she stopped
me and in a friendlier tone she said, "Now all I expect is you
to apologize, anything else is up to you." Apologize? He was
the one that got mad at me! "Yes, you apologize to him. He has
done nothing wrong. You have jumped to conclusions about him
without having the facts and I won't tolerate that. Now go."
She pushed me to the door, knocked on it, then was gone in a
flash. I had just enough time to sigh before the door opened.
Bram stood in the door not really inviting me in. Of course we
all know he knew I wasn't here by my free will. He acted
somewhat indignant yet there was a small upturn at the corner of
the mouth. He was bemused. I stood there staring back at him.
I'm absolutely positive I didn't look the least bit bemused. I
of course was still upset with him and the fresh memory of those
playboy bunnies hanging on his arm wasn't helping. The longer I
stood there with the picture in my mind fuming over it, the more
the corners of his mouth curved up.
Neither of us said a word and I had a feeling he wasn't going
to until I did. He acted like he wasn't going to move either.
I couldn't see into his room and the way he was blocking the
doorway seemed to suggest to me that there might be someone in
there. Maybe it was my imagination, I could have sworn I heard
shuffling in there and my mind whirled with more scenarios. Had
he brought one (or both) of those girls back here? Since no
inquiry was made to him as to what was taking so long I felt
this might actually not be the case. An ill feeling washed over
me and for a brief second I thought perhaps there was someone
waiting patiently inside. Someone I didn't want to see, like
Keir, or maybe even Gary. He made no movement, not even a hint
as to what I was thinking was correct or not. It frustrated me
all the more, which I think made him happier.
I tried to clear my mind completely, since thinking wasn't
helping. Kama had told me to apologize. Maybe that would end
the frustration of waiting. Apologize for what? For accusing
him of murder? I've never eliminated him as a suspect, in fact
quite the opposite, so why should I?
Apologize for getting upset at him? Well, I think I'm
justified in being mad at him after that display today. I was
convinced that he did that purely to make me jealous. Now what
was I to do? Apologize for making him so mad that he felt
obligated to make me feel bad?
He stood there with that damn grin growing ever wider. He
enjoyed every second of my torment; trying to make sense of that
which could never be logically explained: an intimate
relationship between two people.
His smirk turned into a full smile minus the teeth. It really
was an endearing smile. The back of my mind screamed at me for
even thinking he was cute. "The bastard lied to you and scared
you, stupid!" It was right, though I don't like being called
stupid. I wondered just how long the two of us could stand here
staring at each other without saying a word. He looked like he
was having the time of his life, and I was uncomfortable as
hell. Kama put me in this horrible, tight dress and friggen
high heels, the sadistic bitch! My feet and humiliation were
killing me. No doubt this was her idea and Bram was just
getting a good laugh out of it.
I was not going to stand here all night. I had to do something
and so instead of just running, which probably wouldn't have
gotten me anywhere, I did, once again, as I was told. "I'm
sorry." If it weren't for these heels I would have bolted, as
it was I didn't even have time to turn around.
His smile lessened, but not too much and he moved aside.
"Won't you come in?" He said very politely, almost too much so.
I still wanted to run, and I never really figured out why I
didn't. To my relief there was no one else inside. I took a
seat and watched him nervously. He closed the door behind him
and as if there had been no problem between us offered me a
glass of wine, which I refused. I folded my hands on my knees
since I didn't know what to do with them, then I stared at them
for a good time. "It's all right if you're still upset with
me." His tone was that of typical conversation, as if there was
nothing for me to be upset about.
"Good." I said shortly and examined a burn mark I got from a
soldering iron a few weeks ago. "I have a confession. I wasn't
honest when I apologized, I just wanted out of here."
"We all say things we don't mean." Was this an allusion to our
fight? "Kama instructed me to wait until you apologized, she
did not say you had to be sincere. I think you were humiliated
enough, I didn't want to force you into saying it."
"Thank you." Why was I thanking him? Lord this was strange,
he had thrown me off guard and I hadn't quite caught back up.
"I didn't really intend for you to see me with those women
today." Liar. "Actually, I didn't intend to see them myself.
They kind of ambushed me in the hall." Yeah likely story.
"They felt neglected. They think you've been keeping me all to
yourself." He's grasping for straws now. "They don't mean
anything to me Toni."
I couldn't take it any longer. "You were playing tonsil hockey
with them!"
He laughed, the bastard. "That's good I'll have to remember
it. She kissed me. Yes, I returned the kiss. It was purely
out of habit." He stopped my own thoughts. "You have to
understand, before you came here I was, well... popular with the
ladies." Yeah I'll say, I've never forgotten Lacey's reaction
to my question if she ever had sex with him, she thought he was
some kind of God in bed. If most women were half as
enthusiastic about it, she'd have some pretty tough competition
getting to him. "I know you're thinking it rather egotistical
of me to say that, but I'm trying to get to a point." He
dropped to his knees beside me and took one of my astonished
hands. "Toni, I love you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I've
scared you. I'm sorry I made you jealous. Most of all I'm
sorry if I've led you to believe something that's not true.
I've never lied to you, and I never will. Please forgive me."
I couldn't believe it. The man had me in tears not to mention
he was in tears as well. He kissed my hand gently and looked up
to me with puppy dog eyes and suddenly I realized something. I
had been wrong to be mad at him. No, there was no mind control
going on here to try and twist my mind into believing him. It
was just the simple fact that I could not be mad at him for such
a pathetic thing as jealousy. Really, who could be mad after an
apology like that? "I do."
"Never in my entire life have I ever loved anyone as much as I
do you." He stood a little and kissed me on the cheek. We both
knew it was too soon for something more. He took a seat across
from me, but not too far away and we watched each other. I
tried to figure out what he was thinking. It was no good.
There was too much going on in my own mind. Where did I go
wrong? How could I ever have thought that he would be capable
of such an atrocity? He was no murderer.
The silence that had fallen between us wasn't uncomfortable.
In fact I had grown quite fond of looking at him looking at me.
He hadn't changed a cell from the day I first saw him and
proclaimed him the most beautiful man on earth. Of course I'm
certain he hasn't changed in the 1400 year's before then. I
couldn't help myself from getting lost in his deep eyes. It was
only when he spoke that I stopped looking at him. "You look
beautiful."
I played with the material trying not to think that they were
mere words. "This dress makes me look fat."
He smiled, he knew on the outside I was joking, he also knew
the truth. "You're not fat."
"Yeah, I've heard that line before."
Bram smiled at me. I hadn't reverted back to sarcasm for
protection in a long time. Determined to break me of that
habit, he took my hand and dragged me from my seat. Gently he
pulled me towards a mirror while talking. "It's no line, it's
the truth. When was the last time you looked in a mirror?"
We stopped before the mirror and he let go of my hand. He
moved in behind me and gave me something to compare myself to.
He was right that it had been a long time since I'd looked in a
mirror, really looked. Even now my mind rejected what I saw. I
had once been bigger around than Bram. Now I was trimmed and I
could see a part of him behind me, instead of him being blocked
by my fat. I was by no means super model, sickly thin, or even
what most people would consider healthily thin, but not quite
obese either. He wrapped his arms about me and he could easily
overlap them. He had not been able to do that before. My
muscles were toned and somewhat well defined. I was still wide,
but not much wider than my bone structure allowed. All in all,
I was happy with what I saw.
He leaned closer to my ear and whispered. "Well what do you
see?"
"Someone I've never seen before."
His smile broadened. "Isn't she beautiful?"
"You're asking ME?" My sarcasm was apparent.
"There's no one else here." He laughed.
"She could use some work." I said with a bit of distaste. I
never could take a compliment.
Then it got worse. "No she's perfect."
"There's no such thing as perfection." I had begun to become
somewhat depressed as in my minds eye the woman before me put
back on the hundred pounds she had lost. I wanted to move away
from the sight but Bram's tight grasp kept me there. So having
no other choice I looked down away from the mirror to his hands
wrapped around my trimmed waist.
"Can't you agree with me just once?" He lifted my chin so that
I was forced once more to look at myself in the mirror.
Taking the time now I saw a woman who wasn't just the
Antoniette Aloise that I had known all my life, there was more.
Underneath the now unmarked skin, thanks to Doctor Wendel I was
no longer marred with acne and stretch marks, was a sculptured
piece of art; even if it was in the style of Michelangelo.
Beyond the sorrowful eyes and tear smeared make-up, was a look
of love, not reflected to herself, but to the man standing
behind her. And for the first time I had seen what he had all
along.
"Yes." I agreed as I turned and took his eyes in mine directly.
"Yes what?" He whispered.
"WE are beautiful." Then I covered his mouth with mine.
I could feel it. Our bond grew a bit more tighter then. For
the first time I felt what he had tried to tell me, that our
love is eternal. I had no more doubts. This was not just some
odd infatuation. Nor was he pretending to be in love with me to
gain my confidence. There were no magic spells or brainwashing
going on here. This was true love, and this kiss was the purest
we had ever shared. As we separated I felt just a small loss,
in that we were no longer connected, but he was still there
holding me, and I knew he wasn't going to let go. "Make love to
me." I breathed in his ear. I wanted to strengthen that bond,
there was no doubt that we were meant to be together, and this
would consummate our bond.
He pulled away only slightly so that he could look at me. "I
can't."
"I thought I was 'perfect.'" I purposely used his word
against him.
He sighed. "You are, but that is what I fear, if I bit you in
the heat of the moment-" I remembered the night in which he
abducted me, and nearly killed me. I pushed the memory out of
my mind quickly.
I placed a finger upon his mouth. "Shh. I trust you." Those
three words extinguished all his fears of killing me. He kissed
me again and I was so lost in the kiss that I hadn't even
realized he had picked me up until I was set back down on the
bed.
