Leaving the Light
By: Christine Schnell
Episode 5: The Escape
Chapter 29
I hate it when I'm so tense it effects my subconscious. That's
when I have the really freaky dreams. You know the type that
feel real even after you wake. That's the way it was with this
one I had the day after leaving Kama. Of course it revolved
around her and murder. That was no surprise after all that was
what was on my mind. Strangely enough though it was not about
Lowell, in fact he wasn't anywhere to be seen. It was just she
and I out in the open in a high place, like on top of a building
or something. It was dark, night of course as she wouldn't be
there during the day, so details were sketchy at best.
She appeared out of nowhere and frightened me. I tried
covering myself up. Oh yes, I was naked. No doubt Freud would
claim I was feeling insecure and vulnerable in real life. I
definitely felt vulnerable in the dream as I had a vampire
baring down on me and had nothing to protect myself with. A
table was there and I tried using it as a shield, but it was too
late. Words had passed between they had faded from my memory
when I awoke. The most vivid part of the dream was the moment
as we grappled and I tried to get as far from her teeth as
possible, I was thrown over the edge. I dangled there for just
a few seconds, she barely had a hold of me and then I slipped.
I fell and fell. The only thing I could see other than the
building rushing by me was her hideous face. Hovering larger
than life, it was distorted, menacing, cruel, and strangely
enough somewhat happy. Freud would probably say it had
something to do with my mother and my feelings about never being
allowed to say good-bye to her. Me? I think my dream was
telling me something I had already known, she was demonic hell
spawn.
People say when you fall and hit bottom in a dream, you die in
real life. I wish that were true. If so, I would have been
dead many times before I ever was kidnapped. I hit the ground,
a bright light flashed in my eyes, my body went stiff the world
slowly went dark and my leg got a cramp in it. That was what
woke me. I nearly fell out of bed trying to get into a
comfortable position and massage my leg. The room was dark and
Mina slept soundlessly beside me. I stood to walk on my injured
leg hoping that would help the cramp a little.
I limped over to the table and drank from a glass of water
sitting there. I cursed my leg quietly while I tried to massage
it then I cursed Kama out loud for causing it. She didn't even
have to be in the room to cause me pain.
I left the room hoping if I walked for some time the cramp
would subside. I reached the slave court but found I could not
sleep. It was still too early for people to be up and about
conversing. The stillness was just too much for me to fall
asleep in. I hobbled over to the kitchen area and fixed myself
a cup of hot chocolate. As soon as the cramp was gone my leg
began to spasm, not from nerve damage. This was nervous energy.
As soon as I was consciously aware of my leg bouncing, I
stopped it. Only to find a couple minutes later my other leg
was nearly knocking the table I sat at over. Oh did I forget to
mention I had also been tapping the cup with my forefinger too?
I chastised myself for being a nervous wreck. Unfortunately, I
couldn't do anything about it. I was suffering from separation
anxiety. I wanted to talk to Bram about Kama and about the
dream. I NEEDED to be with him. I may have nightmares about
Kama but every waking moment was dedicated to him.
Time couldn't have moved fast enough for me over the next few
days. As soon as I heard he was back, I rushed to his door.
Bram opened the door to a very pissed off me. He handled it
very well. He looked concerned but calm. "Toni are you all
right?"
"No."
"Can I get you some wine?" He asked as I pushed passed him
looking for somewhere to sit.
"Don't you have anything stronger in this God forsaken place?"
"Some whiskey then?" I shrugged and fell into the sofa. He
poured me a couple fingers of the amber liquid, looked at me and
poured a couple more. "Why don't you tell me what's happened."
"Don't you already know?" I snapped. Surely our bond has
grown enough for him to see that.
He smiled sheepishly. "Of course. I just thought it might
help you to talk about it." Freud he wasn't. He was better.
Bram handed me the drink then sat next to me, arm resting on my
shoulders.
I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to forget everything
that had happened in the last few months. I took a large gulp
of the whiskey and it burned all the way down. I really wanted
to forget everything that had happened in the past year and a
half I downed the rest of the glass and shook from the tingling
sensation it gave me.
I handed him the glass not to get rid of it, but for him to
refill it. He placed it on the end table away from me. I
started to stand to refill it myself and he pulled me down as if
I were a feather. "Toni, you never drank in your life to avoid
something. I don't want you to start now. It's not a good
habit to acquire."
"What do you know? You can't get drunk." I pushed myself up
about an inch before he pushed me back down again.
"You don't know that. Just as you don't know all of the
circumstances surrounding Lowell's death."
"I know all I need to know. Kama said it herself; it's not my
business."
"You thought you knew everything you needed to when you were
certain I was guilty. Now won't you hear me out?"
"Bram, that was different. She admitted to it. She murdered
him in cold blood!"
"As I did Denise."
He had me. I didn't know what to say. I needed another drink
more than ever. Finally he stood and took my glass. I relaxed
just a little and waited for him to return. I was so tired,
tired of all of this nonsense and so I closed my eyes. He
placed the glass back into my waiting hand and I took a sip. I
then nearly spat it out. I looked at the glass then to him.
"Drink it." He commanded. While he didn't force me, I knew I
had to. It wouldn't hurt me after all it was just water.
He stared down at me cross armed like a disappointed teacher.
"Now Kama has her reasons to have done what she has. You are a
servant here and you know what your job is."
"Do as I'm told." I muttered.
"You can't judge her on this. Give her a chance that's all she
wants."
"Bram, I can't. I can't go back to her. I trusted her and she
betrayed me. Not just this once either. You can't expect me to
willingly give myself to someone who will take advantage of her
slaves like that."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking you to talk with her
with a sound mind."
"Bram I'd rather sleep with Keir than go back to her." He
lowered himself onto the couch and held me. I think he finally
realized how determined I was on this course.
Lowell's death bothered me so, much more now than before. Now
I had to live with the realization that I have willingly been
with his murderer. I felt Bram stroking my hair and in my
mind's eye I imagined Denise falling to the ground dead. It had
been Bram who administered the deadly kiss and yet it didn't
bother me. I was snuggled cozily with him and probably would
end up sleeping with him by the end of the night and yet I had
no problem with that. Why?
"It was an accident." Bram whispered. I looked up at him as
best I could from the odd angle. He had not mentioned this
before. He always admitted to murdering her. "One can murder
and it still be an accident."
"Oh Bram, why didn't you tell me before?"
"Would you have believed me? You were so dead set that I'm
positive nothing could have swayed you."
"You're right. I'm sorry I never gave you a chance."
"It's not your fault. Others had already convinced you.
However, it was still murder and I still feel guilty as hell
about it."
"But if it was an accident..."
"I could have prevented it. I should have known she had
already been taken from that night. I..." He seemed hesitant,
the way one gets not out of guilt but when one is trying to
convince themselves of something. "I could... should have
stopped."
I felt sadness well up in me. I felt something wet hit my
cheek. A tear, but not mine. I twisted so that I could sit
beside him and now I was doing the comforting. I brought his
head down so that it was resting just above my heart. He was
weeping, not hard but enough. "I liked her." He told me. "I
never would have wanted her dead."
"It's all right." I stroked his head with one hand and his
chest just above his own heart with the other. "You have to
forgive yourself."
"I can't."
I had always thought of Bram as a strong man, someone whom I
could always lean on. Now that had changed. He wasn't really
weak, but even he was fallible. "I can't." Three times he had
told me those words and each time I see something different in
him.
That night faded into the next and before I knew it Bram was
preparing us a meal two days later. I had no idea which one.
It didn't matter anyway. I was cuddled on his couch in a
blanket reading and watching him. Suddenly there was a knock at
the door. Bram, with his hands full, nodded to me to answer it.
I did and found myself staring at pearly white fangs. I didn't
scream this time, but I did take a cautious step back.
"Are you going to stand there all day silly girl or are you
going to invite me in?"
"One should never invite a vampire into their home."
Keir looked around the room. "So this is your home now?"
"Keir," Bram interrupted, "This entire complex is as much her
home; as it is ours. Please do come in."
"Thank you for using your manners Sir Bram." Keir glared at me
as he passed. I returned it in kind. "I brought along some
brandy."
"Excellent." Bram took it and set it on the table next to his
portable grill.
"He's... He's eating with us?"
"Is there a problem?"
"Well...no...I guess it's okay." Yes! Why didn't you say yes,
stupid? They both stared at me. Of course I had no good reason
why it was a problem for me. So I took a deep breath and said
resoundingly, "No."
Keir raised and eyebrow and Bram laughed softly turning back to
the food. Bram poured some of the brandy into the pan and
flames shot up catching all of our attention for the moment.
Then he poured some into three glasses. Keir took one and
handed me the other. He couldn't resist saying, "So your wish
is granted."
I almost said, "You're leaving?" However, he sat beside me, so
that must not have been true.
He grinned and placed a hand on my knee. "The other one."
I had a flash back to the other night when I offhandedly
mentioned I'd rather sleep with him than be friends with Kama.
I stood and practically hid behind Bram. "Keir." He
admonished. "Give her some slack." He peeled me off of his
arm. "You go and play nice. Nobody's sleeping with anybody.
We're just going to have a nice meal together." He turned to
Keir again. "Understand?"
"Yes Bram." We both went to our respective corners.
After a few minutes of extremely awkward silence, with the food
sizzling and popping in the background, Keir said, "I'm sorry."
I blinked. There were a million things he could be sorry for,
which one exactly was he apologizing for? More importantly: why?
He shuffled in his seat a little. "For everything. Mostly for
being a jackass."
I stared blankly at him. I didn't know what to say. I knew
this was a trick, it had to be. He was never serious about
something like this. It was just some scam to gain my trust.
Wasn't it? He looked so sincere. I nodded, that was about all
I could do to accept.
The silence went unconquered once again. Bram began dishing up
the food and setting the table. "Keir, why don't you tell her
about McFadden."
Keir smiled and began telling me the story that really didn't
have much to do with anything, but it was an ice breaker to a
really enjoyable evening. The food was excellent and quite
honestly so was the company.
After Keir finished his first plate he continued. "So I shook
the bars and howled at the jailer, 'I'll rip your heart out!'
"He didn't even look up from his paper and said, 'Not by the
hair on me chinny chin chin. Ya big blow hard.'" We laughed at
Keir's hurt expression.
"So what'd you do? Rip out his throat?" I asked.
"No, I pouted in the back of my cell until Sir Bram here bailed
me out." Another round of laughter and Bram confirmed it with a
nod.
"He was like a lost puppy in a pound. I just had to take him
home with me." Keir looked at me with the biggest, saddest eyes
he could. He really did look pitiful.
"If I learned anything from the experience," Keir placed a
hand over his heart and raised the other swearing, "I'll never
sell a sheep in Scotland again." I realized something as he
joked about his own predicament of being accused for murder a
hundred years ago. Despite being a jackass, he wasn't that bad
of a person. Still I wasn't about to sleep with him.
I had a lot to think about that night and the next day. My
life had changed so since I first arrived. I was really unsure
what I wanted now. I sat staring at Bram just trying to imagine
what he was thinking right then. Would he with all his years
and knowledge be able to answer my questions about life? He had
obviously been around the block a few times he should have some
answers. I tried imagining what it must be like to live so
long. To be all the places he had been. To see what he had
seen. I tried pushing my way into his mind to understand it
all. As expected I had no idea what I was doing and failed at
it.
Bram noticed and smiled at my feeble attempt. Strangely enough
he got up and turned off the light, then spoke to me softly.
"Close your eyes." Hmm, what was he planning? I closed my eyes
trusting him fully. "Now, what am I doing?"
"Stripping?" I asked playfully.
"Come now. You know I wouldn't do that without your help." I
could hear the laughter in his voice though he tried to keep it
to a minimum. "I'm not doing anything risqué. Just try and
reach out- With your mind Toni."
He said the last sharply as I stretched my arm in the direction
of his voice. I sighed and leaned back. I suppose I should
take him seriously now. So I tried it.
I didn't know what I was reaching out for or to, so I pictured
in my mind my arm reaching towards his head and being sucked
into it. "No, Toni, just open up and listen to everything
that's around you. Don't try to be so focused to begin with."
I forced myself to relax and listen. All was quiet except for
a little background noise of water in pipes and electric
humming. I could hear breathing, mine mostly. I could hear his
breathing when he took a deep breath. There was nothing besides
that.
"It will take time." Bram said softly.
A couple hours later after I had tried guessing what he held in
his hand and what he was thinking about having for dinner among
other things I was giving up. I was not a vampire. I did not
have a gift. I was done. "You just need a break." He took me
out to exercise. Sometimes his logic baffled me.
He got my mind off of trying to get my mind in his mind by
running me through an obstacle course. Up a rope, across a hand
bridge, through a tunnel and around a hundred cones. Ten miles
on the bike and twenty minutes on the stair machine had me
sweating like a pig and completely loose.
He rewarded my hard work with twenty laps in the pool. Which
really wasn't that bad since I was chasing after him the whole
way. He tried tricking me several times by going in different
directions. I cut him off each time. The last time I managed
to dunk him under he popped up where he thought he'd be behind
me only to find himself dunked once again as I managed to get
behind him. When he rose again he stayed my hand before I had a
chance to dunk him a third time and he said, "See, now how could
you do that if you didn't know what I was going to do next?"
I blinked it seemed obvious. "I just watched your body
movements."
"All right, close your eyes and do it."
"I'd still be able to hear you."
"Just humor me. Do I need to blindfold you?"
I sighed. "No." I closed my eyes and I felt his hands upon my
shoulders. He twisted me around in the water a few times so
that I even lost track of him. It was a game of Marco Polo
without the words. I reached out dumbly with my hands to try
and feel for him. Of course he was out of arm's reach. I
thought I heard him to my left and went diving that way, only to
hear a splash behind me. I moved again in that direction and
came up empty. This went on for ten minutes or so when I
finally gave up and sat on the step. When I opened my eyes he
was all the way on the other side of the pool. "It's useless."
I said as he swam close to me.
I was frustrated and he knew it. "All right. Let's go back to
basics."
"I'm tired Bram, just forget it."
"Toni, close your eyes."
"But I like looking at you."
"I'm serious. You can't do this if you're distracted."
"Then don't be so distracting!" He couldn't resist posing like
a body builder to get a burst of laughter from me.
When my laughter died down he bent over and kissed each of my
eyelids, thus forcing me to close my eyes. He gently pulled me
out into the center of the pool where I could float.
"Now imagine yourself growing roots into the ground." I smiled
at the funny imagery but did as he said. I pictured myself as
one of those old trees that were a hundred feet tall about to
fall over and had a really ugly, scary face. One on the side of
a river that had its roots going through the water just as mine
were wiggling their way down. "You are grounding yourself.
Yes, like your electronic circuits. The concept is if someone
directs negative energy at you like a lightning bolt it will
take the path of least resistance to ground. If you have a
shield properly in place that would be the path. You can also
think of it as if you are feeding your energy into the earth and
taking energy back from it."
After maintaining this image for several minutes he took me to
the next step. "Now from these roots imagine a bubble forming
out of them, one that engulfs your entire body. Let it form its
own shape and color." I did so. A bunch of little bubbles
started forming out of the roots that were attached to my body
and grew larger by the second until they started to connect with
the ones next to them and instead of popping they conjoined to
become one large bubble that had all the colors of the rainbow
just like a soap bubble would out in the sun.
"Now we're just going to hold that image for a while." I did
so. After a few minutes he said softly in my ear. "You can
imagine bad thoughts, in any form you like, flying at you and
watch them bounce off. Good thoughts would just be absorbed."
I had a few moments of fun watching certain people's head bounce
off of my shield. Then in my mind's eye Bram approached it his
large red heart pumping blood giving him a beautiful aura.
The radiation from him touched the bubble and sparkled. They
swirled in a rainbow of color. As he moved closer I felt warmth
and a general feeling of well being. When his hand touched the
bubble I felt on the edge of ecstasy. All else forgotten, I
reached out to him to bring him in closer to me. His body faded
into mist rushing around me tingling every nerve.
I opened my eyes I was surprised to see that Bram wasn't near
me. My arms were outstretched and reaching for him. There was
no way they'd ever touch him as he was already out of the pool
and sitting on a lounge chair. I could have sworn just a moment
before he was there with me.
"See, I knew you could do it." He said happily.
As effective as it was I wasn't satisfied. I wanted more. I
wanted that feeling again that which I believed was pure love.
I relaxed again and let myself float.
"That's enough for now Toni." I heard him splash into the
water and the waves rocked me. "You need to practice." I felt
his hands softly sliding around my arms. "But we wouldn't want
you to stress over it." He pulled me up to him and we embraced
into a warm kiss.
I was alive again. I had never realized how dead I was. In
Bram I found someone who not only cared for my well-being but
was insistent upon it. Before we had become lovers I had
neglected to visit the doctor on a regular basis. About the
only time I would, was when I was forced to else I would die.
Bram would become upset if he heard that I wasn't taking care of
myself. He dragged me kicking and screaming into the infirmary.
It didn't take long until I was, for his sake, going on my own.
He is father, brother, and dearest friend wrapped into one. He
is my counselor and teacher, my coach and my savior. He is the
only one I ever could confide wholly in. He listened to me and
understood everything I said. Every day I was falling more in
love with him. So it was with a heavy heart that I left him.
Neither of us wanted me to go. Alas I had an "appointment" with
Heremon. I dreaded it. I dreaded being late even more. He
would find some new way to torture me for my tardiness.
Therefore, I left Bram with plenty of time to spare.
Heremon was rather disappointed in me that night as I didn't
put up a struggle. I didn't do so much as to give him a dirty
look. You couldn't believe my delight when he released me
without any bruises. Not only had I made significant progress
with Bram and even had an enjoyable dinner with Keir, now I was
tolerating Heremon's presence. I was beginning to think I could
get anyone to be nice to me.
While I don't normally press my luck, there was one thing I had
to do. Gary came and sat down at the table and just stared at
me. Finally I got up the nerve to speak. "Thanks for coming."
He nodded. "I'm sorry about Lowell."
"It's been months since his death."
"And I've treated you horribly since then. I thought you were
involved... Well, I have to be honest here, for reason's I
can't explain fully I thought you might have killed him. I'm
sorry. I didn't realize how wrong I was."
"I'm glad to hear you finally admit it." Great did he have to
mess up a good apology with his arrogantness?
A few moments of silence fell between us. I uneasily examined
my hands. When I looked back to him he looked upon me with
compassion. "I wanted to tell you Kama was the one, all of us
who knew did, but they wouldn't let us."
"Who?"
He shrugged. "You know, the vampires."
"Oh." I really didn't know what to say next. My plan was to
apologize to him. I figured that would be hard enough and
didn't anticipate getting past it. So imagine my surprise when
he broke the stillness and made this proposal.
"I know this probably isn't a possibility right now; I would
like to be friends with you."
I wasn't at a complete loss and somehow this made me remember
something else I wanted to talk with him about. "Yeah well,
about that. A friend wouldn't have missed your birthday party."
Even if it was to sleep with Bram. "However, I made you
something. It's not much, but..." I slid a small box across
the table that I had wrapped with plain white paper and drawn
the words Happy Birthday across. I think I did pretty well
considering the resources I had. I even had a ribbon that was
made out of shredded paper.
"You didn't have to."
"I know, but seen as how I've been pretty stupid these last
months I thought I should."
He unwrapped the box and pulled out the little trinket I made.
He looked at it and looked at me and was at a complete loss for
words. Before he could even ask me what it was I showed him the
on button. "See if you adjust this knob the lights make
different patterns." It was simple really, just a little board
with a bunch of lights on it but the beauty in it was the what
came next. "If you take it over to the jukebox, within a couple
feet, the patterns will change in time with the music."
"I don't know what to say." I knew it he hated it. It was
dumb. I mean what possible use could it have? "This is so
great!" He ran around the table and hugged me. Gary, of all
people hugged me. Gary the unemotional. Gary the arrogant
bastard hugged me. Wow.
I blinked. I really wasn't sure what to do. "You like it?"
"Are you kidding? It's cool! Check this out." He started
playing with one of the little knobs and the lights slowed then
sped up. He moved the other knob and the pattern flipped
between a circle and a square and back again, slowly then faster
as he played with it.
I knew it. He was mocking me. I let him know it. "If you
don't like it I'll take it back."
"No." He was bewildered at my attitude. "Really I like it.
No one's ever MADE me anything before, well except for the
portrait Lacey drew. All the other 'gifts' I got were things
people scrounged around the building for. A couple people
actually bought me something outside of course it wasn't their
money. This however took time and thought. I appreciate it. I
really do. Plus I do think it's cool."
"You do?" My disappointment was leaving me.
"Of course. Let's go try it out on the jukebox."
I nodded and walked with him. We received a few strange
glances along the way. After all most people knew I hadn't been
too fond of Gary in the past. One of the people that had a
lingering stare was Mona. Once we'd passed her Gary snapped his
fingers. "Oh yeah, I meant to ask did you know Mona's been
going around asking about someone named Darika?"
Oh no, I had forgotten about that. "Actually yes."
"Why?"
How could I tell him without upsetting him? "Well, I had
believed that this woman, Darika was somehow related to Lowell's
death. Mona volunteered to help by asking around."
Gary's teeth squeaked. "We better tell her to stop before she
gets herself hurt."
We? That wasn't the foremost question on my mind though.
"Gary is there something you know about this woman?"
"No." His answer came too quickly for me to believe it.
"Who is she Gary?"
"I don't know anyone by that name."
"But you know OF her."
He whirled on me. "Toni don't go ruining our newfound
friendship with stupid questions."
Was this friendship really worth the price? Ah hell, what did
it matter? This investigation was over anyway. "I'm sorry
Gary. Old habits are hard to break. You're right, of course.
We should have a word with her."
And so we did. Mona was as confused as I was before until I
explained to her that the murderer had confessed and there was
no longer a need to go hunting down information any longer. "So
Kama gets off scot-free?" Mona summed it all up.
I looked to Gary. "There's nothing we can do."
"Of course there is." Mona became overly excited. "We can go
on strike. We can write a petition. We can-"
"Do nothing of the sort." Gary said sternly. "It's over
Mona." Though I think he really meant to say my name. He knew
I was thinking the same thing she was. "You'll learn soon
enough that there are certain things that happen here that is
far beyond our control."
"But she can kill again."
"She won't. You have nothing to fear I assure you." He looked
directly at me. "Really."
I truly wished to believe him, after all Kama had been my
friend, but she had burned me one time too many. We sat for
only a few more minutes to play with Gary's new toy, then I
stood to leave. Gary put his soft hand on mine. "Toni, please
talk to Kama. There's no reason to hold any of this against
her."
"Why are you suddenly defending her Gary?"
"It's my job to protect them. It's yours too."
I gave him a stern look. He knew I didn't like being told
that. There was only one vampire I was interested in
protecting. "Just promise me you'll talk to her." He pleaded.
I relented. "Fine, just don't expect anything more than that."
"Thank you." He smiled warmly and let go of my hand after a
final squeeze. Was it just me or was Gary being inordinately
tender. My world was going in circles faster than I could turn.
I was on my "morning" run happy as a blue jay in spring.
Anyway I whistled a happy ditty that kept my pace fairly fast.
I turned a corner and spotted Lacey and Brenda walking towards
me. I slowed my pace and greeted them with a wave and a
gracious "Wonderful day isn't it?" They both nodded and once I
was passed I heard Brenda ask softly "What's gotten into her?"
Lacey said simply "Bram." I laughed and resumed my jubilant
tune when I heard footsteps coming up from behind. They quickly
caught up to me and for some reason I wasn't surprised to see
Kama slithered up beside me.
Did this woman not own anything conservative? She was wearing
tiny black spandex shorts and the smallest tanktop I've ever
seen. I realized what she was trying to do. There's no way she
was going to seduce me in that getup.
I ignored her for sometime. I even tried to lose her once
though I knew before I tried, it was futile. I could run all
day and she would stay there along side me. So, instead of
torturing myself I threw the ball into her court. "What do you
want?"
"To be friends."
"Fat chance." Well, I did promise Gary I'd talk to her. I
never said I'd be nice about it.
"Would it help if I said I'm sorry?"
"No." I put on a burst of steam.
She matched me stride for stride. "Why not?"
"How would I know it wasn't just another lie?"
"You'd have to trust me."
I stopped to look at her in the eyes. It wasn't exactly
defiance, yet I think she took it as such. She was distracted
by my abruptness and she even looked a little vulnerable. "I
did Kama. At one time I even considered you a friend, not just
'the Mistress.' I don't care that you killed Lowell, not
really. You lied to me. You used me. You even went as far to
frame Bram. I can't trust you."
"I told you-"
"I know what you told me. Do you think I can believe that too?"
She started shaking her head. "I didn't. Please listen, I
liked Lowell." I still wasn't buying it and she became more
adamant. "I did. I wouldn't kill him, or anyone else for no
reason."
I gave in just to let her get it out. "Then why would you?"
She looked away from me. "Toni, things happen and I'm sure you
wouldn't understand-"
I threw up my arms. "You know what, I don't care. I just
don't care anymore." If she wasn't going to give me a straight
answer I didn't want to know. "I'm tired of you manipulating me
and everyone else to get your way." I looked her up and down.
She moved her arms to slightly cover her bare skin. "You're
pathetic."
Then she tried one last ditch effort. "We had an agreement,
Toni. You'd serve me for seven more months. Are you going to
break that promise now?"
Damn! I had promised and I had meant it. At this time I had
no wish to leave my slavery. It would mean leaving Bram. The
terms of our agreement stated I was in her service unless at the
end of the arranged time I still wished to escape. Until that
time I was obligated to her. Worse, I had given my solemn oath
and the one thing I swore when I was young I'd never do was
break a promise. Up until that moment I had a perfect track
record. All of this had passed through my mind and I saw the
triumph starting to spread across her face. She knew she had
me. She had found my weakness and was using it against me. The
damn manipulative Bitch! "Yes, I wish to leave your service."
She blinked. Then I watched the disappointment slide down her
face. "Very well then." She tried to keep her composure and
was failing miserably. She stood straight back but her
shoulders were beginning to droop. She hesitated as if she had
something more to say. I waited. She had lost. I could tell
she wasn't quite sure how. Only there was something more, as I
stared back at her grimly. I wasn't quite sure what to make of
it. Maybe it was a bit of melancholy mixed in with anger or
just disappointment at losing one of her play toys? "Well
good-bye." I didn't reply at all and after a moment's pause she
turned and left.
I leaned back against the wall relieved that was over with. I
was happy I no longer had an obligation like that to such a
murderer. I had only one problem. I couldn't figure out why I
felt like shit.
It really didn't take me long to forget about her. After all I
had so many other things to keep me occupied. The most
fascinating of which was trying to contact Bram. I was anxious
to see what was on his mind when I wasn't around. I knew I
wouldn't be able to know this right away. One must learn how to
crawl before they can run, at this point I was in the rolling
over stage.
The slave court was fairly quiet and so I laid down. I would
practice creating a shield. That was all. I pictured the roots
and the bubble. I made sure it was strong against attack. Ten
minutes of this and I was bored. There was no feeling of
accomplishment like I had in the pool.
I knew there was no way I'd accomplish anything. I also
figured what would it hurt to try? I imagined that feeling of
love I had gotten from him. I pictured him kissing my eyelids.
I tried picturing him in his room sitting all alone and forlorn
without me. Nothing was working. I didn't get so much of a
peep out of his mind.
Well, that's not necessarily true. I know this thought was put
into my mind not the other way around. "You're concentrating
too hard."
I opened my eyes and after they adjusted to the dark I saw him
standing by the door on the other side of the room. "It is not
a conscious thing." His lips didn't move. "You can not
concentrate on it. The unconscious must take over. You must
let go, of your thoughts, of yourself. It's more like an
instinct." Instinct was a thing I could do, as I often let them
rule me and it worked out fairly well.
"You're not going to stop trying until you see a result are
you?"
"Nope."
He sighed. "All right, come on."
My heart leaped and so did I right off the cot. I was across
the room and at his side before he knew it. He conducted me to
his room once again. He had me lie on his bed. To my dismay he
didn't join me. He asked me to close my eyes and forget about
the outside world. I did so. It wasn't hard he was my world.
"Listen to my voice." Bram said softly as he stood. "It's the
only thing that exists right now." He kept talking as he
described things for me to picture. Things like his hand
against mine and such. I noticed he was moving further away
from me and that was when I heard him. "It's all right, follow
my voice." Did he say it aloud? I'm not really sure.
He continued to talk and I did a fairly good job of picturing
his hair and his back. However, when the door creaked I almost
lost his full red lips. "Remember, the outside world doesn't
exist." I had to let it go. The door didn't exist. He was
still there with me because we were the only things in the
universe.
He kept talking and talking. It was getting harder for me to
understand what he was saying. I had to strain my ears just to
hear him say "Look in my eyes." I pictured his eyes and the
happiness in them when they looked upon me. Then there was
nothing.
I opened my eyes. He wasn't in the room. I sat up and looked
around just to be sure.
Yep, he was gone. Amazing, I heard him even though he wasn't
in the room. Ah, no. It couldn't have been me. He was
projecting into my mind. I wasn't reading his.
The door opened and he came strolling in with a huge grin on
his face. "You did great."
I couldn't face him.
"No really, that was great for your first try."
"I didn't really read your mind."
"Sure you did." He put his arm around my shoulder.
"No, you projected your thoughts."
"I wouldn't do that."
"Don't lie to me." I poked him in the chest.
"Okay, maybe I did a little." There see I was right. "But how
did you know I was lying?"
"I just did..." Oh wait... how did I? Interesting, was there
a little bit of telepathy going between us that I didn't even
realize?
"Okay, let me try again just to see if it was a fluke."
"No, that's enough for now. A little at a time remember."
I sighed. Then something struck me. Our bond had grown so in
the last month. Maybe if we took it to the next level it'd be
that much easier for me to connect with him. "Bram, what if you
drank some of my blood? Would that help."
He stood with his back to me. "Why would you ask me that?"
"Well I just thought that-"
"First, it wouldn't help. Second, I thought you weren't
suicidal anymore."
"I'm not. It's just I thought it would bring us closer
together."
"It won't Toni. It would do more harm than good."
"I don't understand." I stood and wrapped my hands around his
shoulders.
"I don't expect you to." He patted one of my hands. "Just put
the thought out of your mind. If you really want to get closer
we'll stick to the telepathy. Okay?"
"Okay." He of course relented and we tried it again, this time
without any of his "help." I couldn't even hear him when he was
across the room let alone out the door. So we soon gave that up
and resorted to other past times.
He got out the chess board. He claimed it would improve my
mental capacity. I think he just wanted to beat me at his
favorite game. I did manage to win one game and I don't even
think he let me win. Later I fell asleep in his arms as he read
to me. All in all, it was a perfect night.
