Leaving the Light By: Christine Schnell

Chapter 32



	Ever wonder when you wake up in a strange room how you got
there and what you were doing there?  Or worse... completely
remember all the details.  Sometimes I wish I was a drunkard or
druggie, or both and could live in blissful ignorance of all the
mistakes I had made the night before. 

	Alas I am cursed to remember all.  Especially when I realized
it was the floor I had awaken on.  I had come to this conclusion
after my leg had been stepped on by Keir.  Groggily I stretched
as I asked.  "What am I doing on the floor?" 

	"That is where you will sleep."  He walked into his bathroom
without another word and I heard the water running for a shower. 

	I wasn't happy with that answer.  I wasn't happy with the whole
situation.  You'd think by now I'd know the futility of trying
to leave before I was given permission.  Yet I had to try it.  I
got halfway to the door and forgot what I was doing.  I looked
about me and I knew I was in Keir's room.  Why was I in his
room?  Okay, obvious answer I know. 

	He wasn't anywhere around so either I was early or late.  No
wait, the water was running.  Did I black out and he left the
room?  This can't be right.  I couldn't have just blacked out. 
I would have remembered at least coming here.  Let's see, I was
in the (library) and Keir came to me.  He admonished me for
playing a prank on Heremon and then... 

	Then I was here.  How did I forget... Damn him!  Keir must have
made me forget.  Well, that might not have been a completely bad
thing.  After all I often wish I could forget my nights with
him.  Oh well, time to move on.  I headed for the door.  I
walked out to the hall and shut the door behind me. 

	Now then on to business.  I took a step and looked around. 
Keir's door was now before me.  I sighed.  I really didn't want
to go in that room.  Keir would no doubt be upset if I didn't as
he was expecting me.  I knocked.  There was no answer.  I
knocked again and twisted the handle.  It was open.  I slowly
stepped inside and felt the humidity in the room before I
noticed Keir walking out of the bathroom. He was drying the
little shrub of hair on his head and nodded at a chair.  "Sit." 

	Oh, he wasn't in a good mood.  I hope I didn't do anything to
piss him off.  He sat on the couch across from me.  He was
upset.  What did I do?

	"I am going to lay down some ground rules.  You are not to
leave unless I give you permission to."  It all came back to me;
I didn't just arrive here.  I've been here all along.  He had
tricked me into coming back into the room.  He continued
speaking even as I half listened trying to straighten all the
events out in my mind.  "Outside of this room you are to
socialize with no one.  You are permitted to speak with others
only for vocational purposes.  As I instructed before I am the
only one you will serve.  You will do so willingly and without
complaint.  While you are in this room you will prepare your own
food.  You will not leave this room in disarray."  He pointed to
the single blanket I had left on the floor where I awoke.  "You
will keep yourself well groomed.  You will do what I tell you
when I tell you.  Do not ask me for something to do.  If I have
given you nothing to keep you occupied you will sit in that
chair silently.  You will not ask anything of me, even
permission.  If you need to go to the restroom you will wait
until I tell you too.  If you are hungry you will wait until I
say you may eat.  If you are injured, you will endure the pain
without grievance until I permit you to see the doctor."  Damn,
and I thought Kama was domineering.  "You no longer have free
will. You are no longer a servant here.  You are dirt.  You WILL
learn to love your position here." 

	"This is-" A wave of nausea overwhelmed me and I expelled the
contents of my stomach onto the floor. 

	My nausea disappeared just as it had come.  I'm sure he could
see the hate in my eyes and my heart.  I didn't get it.  I mean
to me isolation wasn't really a punishment.  I have lived most
of my life being alone.  I've sat in the closet alone for half
of the time that I've been in this place.  So what made him
think keeping me away from everyone and everything was going to
hurt me?  The difference here is that he was also forbidding me
to do anything without permission.  He was taking away my free
will.  It was perhaps the worst thing he could ever do to me. 
Except forbidding me to see Bram.  I've been away from him
before.  It shouldn't be that bad.  Right?

	"You will do as you are told."  He stood and tossed his towel
at me.  "Do not make me force you to clean that up." 

	I took the towel and holding down a second round of bile
cleaned up the disgorge.  He dressed while I rinsed the towel in
the sink.  I found some solvent to dissolve what I could not
clean with the towel.  I sprayed air freshener to make sure I
wouldn't have a repeat performance while sitting there.  Then I
quietly folded my blanket and placed it neatly on the bed that I
also made. 

	Just to make a good impression I neatened up the rest of the
room and when I was finished I sat down in the chair and waited
for him to address me.  At least it was a fairly comfortable,
plush chair.  An hour later he finally did speak one word: 
"Here."  He handed me a small glass of water.  Great he was
watering his dirt. 

	After a while I found my mind wandering.  When you're in a
state of lucid dreaming you think about things you wouldn't
normally think of.  Normally apart from working on electronics I
don't think about it.  Sitting in the chair, half asleep, I
started thinking about it.  It struck me that I could easily fix
the jukebox, even with the board I split in two.  I even figured
out what the original problem was.  

	My current issue was I couldn't do anything about it.  I was
here, it was there, and Keir wasn't letting me out of the room
anytime soon.  Besides he probably wouldn't want me to fix it
anyway.  He had always been against it and what it meant to our
community.  Not to mention that it was the cause of my rebellion
against Heremon.  No, best not to think on it anymore lest he
become upset with me.  

	Several more hours of staring at the wall and I was ready to
get up and use the bathroom for a change of scenery.  My memory
was not that short, nor had he made me forget anything, so I
knew better than to get up and go without permission.  I also
remembered that he told me not to ask his permission for
anything.  It was very hard to keep control over myself from
getting up and walking around.  I had to outlast him.  Yeah,
outlast him to see who could be bored the longest? 

	No, I'm sure he wasn't bored.  He wasn't sitting in one spot. 
He moved around, read, and went to a desk behind me.  Who knows
what he did there.  He then fixed himself a drink and sat on the
sofa.  He didn't look at me.  By the expressions that passed
along his face I could tell he was having a conversation with
someone telepathically. 

	So why was I sitting here with nothing to do when he clearly
didn't require my presence?  Certainly, I could isolate myself
in my computer room, if that's what he wanted.  I definitely
wouldn't need "discipline" if I wasn't provoked all the time. 

	No, I was only there so he could prove his superiority over me.
 He may be a vampire.  He may be strong.  He may be fast.  He
may be telepathic.  He may have a thousand years more experience
than I.  No matter.  He was NOT better than I.  I would not
allow him to have the satisfaction of believing he was. 

	I prepared myself to stand.  Without looking at me he said,
"No."  Defiantly I pushed against the chair and felt myself lift
a little, but no more.  I glared into him as if my eyes could
set him on fire. 

	He stood and walked by me.  As if in hindsight, he pushed on my
head and I fell back into the chair.  I knew I wouldn't be
allowed to get up again.  It didn't mean anything.  He was not
better than me. 

	A while later, who knows how long it was.  My backside was
hurting and no position in the chair afforded me any comfort. 
The rough material started to scratch now.  I felt a bit of
pressure on my bladder.  I moved for the umpteenth time to try
to relieve it.  I would have to go to the bathroom soon.  I knew
Keir was just the type to let me sit here and humiliate myself. 
So I couldn't count on him giving me permission to go.  I also
know he wouldn't allow me to get up.  My only choice was to sit
here and wait him out.  I could only hope my bladder could last
long enough.  After a while I had to cross my legs to keep it in
check.  As much as I tried not to think about it the pangs kept
coming and soon I bit my lip to keep me from saying something. 

	Just when I thought I was about to pop, Keir startled me, "Go." 

	I almost did right there.  I managed to hold it together enough
to walk deliberately to the bathroom.  When I was finished I
stood in the doorway.  I had an opportunity here not to be stuck
in that chair any longer.  Where would I go?  Where could I go? 
He certainly wouldn't let me go out the front door. 

	He stood across the room from me and pointed ominously at the
chair.  I shook my head.  I didn't want to sit and stare into
space for the rest of the day. 

	"You will do as you are told." 

	I knew disobeying him was a bad idea.  I knew better than to
open my big mouth.  I just couldn't help myself.  He needed to
respect me for me to respect him. "Listen, can't I just stretch
my legs a little?" 

	He sneered and pushed off the wall he had been leaning on.  I
wanted to run, but I knew there was no where to go.  I made for
the chair. 

	He caught me before I took two steps.  I felt a wrenching pain
in my head and I found myself on my back.  I screamed.  I
kicked.  I scratched.  I would have bit if I could have reached
something with my teeth.  He kneeled down over me still gripping
my hair and growled, "Do not disobey me." 

	He dragged me caveman style to the chair.  I twisted and
flailed the entire way, only making it worse for myself as I
bumped my arm on a table and several candles flew off spilling
hot wax all over me.  He lifted me whimpering clear off the
ground and dropped me in the chair. 

	I sniffled as I drilled into him with my eyes.  I couldn't move
of course.  Keir leaned over me and brushed my cheek with the
back of his hand.  Strange it had a bit of a soothing effect.  I
felt him peeling back my layers of defense.  He was working his
way into my mind, easing my anger.  I tried to fight it of
course.  I imagined my bubble barrier becoming a brick wall. 
The brick wall became translucent and he moved through it as if
he was a ghost.  I tried thinking of other things to block him. 
His invasion wasn't fierce it was just persistent and he pushed
everything aside that I could put in his way.  Every thought in
my head melted away and everything physical around me became
fuzzy and soft. 

	I sank lower into the chair.  My body had relaxed without my
intention.  He slowly peeled a piece of the cooled wax off my
forehead, then my chin.  He rubbed my shoulder and worked his
way down my arm also clearing it of wax.  He massaged my thigh,
shin and by the time he got to my toes I was nearly asleep. 

	A pleasant haze persisted over me as he worked his way back up.
 Soon he met my gaze again.  This time neither of our eyes
glinted with indignation.  His were soft and inviting.  He
leaned in and kissed me.  Languidly I returned the kiss. 

  

	When I came back to the real world, I was laying on the floor
again.  I knew perfectly well how I had gotten there.  After he
finished with me he instructed me to leave his side and sleep
there.  I had followed his instructions readily.  At the time
the floor was soft and inviting now it was cold and hard.  He
awoke not long after I and didn't say anything to me as I made
the bed. 

	I noticed my wax covered clothes on the floor next to the
spilled wax.  I wondered if I should clean it up or wait for his
instructions.  Rather than invite his wrath by ignoring it I
kneeled down to peel some of the wax off the floor. 

	"Did I tell you to clean that up?"  He snapped as he realized
what I was doing. 

	"No Keir, but-" 

	"But nothing.  I instructed you to only do as you were told." 

	"Yes, but-" 

	"No."  He grabbed hold of my shirt collar and flipped me onto
the bed. 

	"You disobey me."  Disobey?  I was only trying to clean up
after myself as I was told!  I wanted to scream it at him.  I
soon realized screaming it in my mind was just as effective. 

	His hand clasped around my throat.  If it were possible his
face became darker as blood rushed to it.  His pointed teeth
were less than an inch from my eyes.  His humid breath
suffocated me.

	"Do."  He squeezed.  "Not."  For the first time with him I
feared for my life.  "Disobey."  I couldn't breathe nor could I
move as he had me pinned down.  "Me!"  He pushed me harder into
the bed.  Had it been the floor my larynx might have been
crushed.  "Filth!" 

	He let go of my throat.  "Get dressed.  Do not say another word
to me."  He took a deep breath then stood.  I dressed not
knowing what else to do, afraid even to sit.  I stood waiting
staring at my fingers as they shook slightly.  Meanwhile, he had
occupied the restroom.  When he emerged fully dressed he did not
look at me.  "Sit."  I sat; on the floor.  "In the chair!"  He
grumbled. 

	I shakily stood then slouched low into the chair.  If it were
possible I would try to make myself invisible.  I avoided
looking at him with all my might as I tried to draw energy from
the ground to create a shield.  It wasn't working.  I was too
nervous. 

	I hated the silence that had fallen between us and a song
worked its way into my head.  It was that sweet little tune that
I thought I had made up so long ago.  Only to find out from Bram
that it was an old minstrel song he knew.  He had tried to teach
it to me, but since I have such a bad ear for music I could only
remember a few bars.  "Will you stop that insipid racket!"  Keir
shot at me after a few minutes of this. 

	Unfortunately a song that gets stuck in your head isn't that
easy to turn off.  I tried finding something to occupy my mind,
but all I could think of was food.  I hadn't eaten in almost two
days.  My stomach growled and I realized why the hunger was
hitting me so hard now.  Keir was munching on a croissant and
not realizing it I had smelled it's buttery goodness over here. 

	Another chorus of the minstrel song wafted its way through my
brain.  "Eat that."  Keir tossed the half eaten croissant into
my lap.  I caught it before it rolled to the floor.  "Perhaps it
will keep your mind off of that bloody song!" 

	Normally, as hungry as I am, it would have taken me three bites
to get through the small pastry.  I controlled myself and took
smaller bites trying to savor it and concentrate only on it.  It
reminded me of many breakfasts' I've had with Bram.  In which
we'd sit in bed and munch on these and a large assortment of
foods like, apples, grapes, cereal, bacon, ham, and of course
eggs.  I missed those moments.  I missed Bram.  I wondered what
he was doing right now. 

	Keir ripped the remaining portion of the croissant from my
hands.  "You are here with me.  Do not lament over what you do
not have.  Be grateful you are alive at all." 

	Was I grateful to be alive?  I mean after all I was hungry and
mostly alone at the moment.  If it weren't for the fact that I
was probably really pissing Keir off by being alive, I would try
to kill myself.  While I was relishing in that thought, Keir
picked up a book and headed for the door.  "I will be gone for a
while.  You may clean.  Then take your seat again."  He allowed
that to sink in.  "Remember, I will be monitoring you." 

	"Yes Kier."  I said defeated. 

	I was lucky it was a hardwood floor.  The wax came easily off,
though I had to be careful not to take the wood's wax covering
off as well.  The cleaning solution Keir had was pretty good
about keeping the two separate.  I did apply a little floor wax
after I completed to even everything out.  It would be harder to
get the wax out of the clothes.  Luckily, that wasn't my job. 
They just went in the laundry chute. 

	I had to figure a way out of this predicament.  I sat for quite
a while divining just what it would take to leave.  I could try
to ask Bram for help.  After about an hour of clearing my mind
and all manor of mind exercises, I gave up.  It was clear that
our connection was being blocked.

	What else could I do?  Sit here and be a good little girl?  Bah!

	I looked at the door.  It was the only way out.  "Yeah stupid
and where would you go once out it?  Besides there's no doubt he
knows you're thinking about it right now."  If he was blocking
me from Bram there could be no other reasoning.  I did a lot of
thinking while in that chair.  Maybe that's why I was there. 
Put me into solitary so I can think about what I've done.  Too
bad for them I wasn't thinking about what I had done, but what I
could do.  All that thinking got me to realize that some
thinking was annoying; like when I had the song in my head.  If
it's in my head it's in their head.

	Now wouldn't you think I'd be stopped right then and there if
they were monitoring me?  Funny thing is; I wasn't.  It didn't
even cross my mind that maybe they wanted me to do what I was
planning.  Maybe someone wanted to get Keir upset at me.  Or
maybe they just wanted to see if I could do it.  In any event, I
went along ignorantly and I figured out a plan.

	I began humming "Ode to the Dragon Knight" over and over in my
head.  Once it was there sufficiently, where I didn't
consciously have to maintain it, I stood.  I was very happy to
see that I was not stopped.  I started looking for something
that would help me.  Something thin and metal would be perfect. 
I found a couple small screwdrivers in one of Keir's drawers. 
What was he doing with these tiny things?  He didn't wear
glasses.  There was nothing else I could think of that would use
ones so small.  I mustn't think about it though.  I had to
concentrate on the song.  I hummed a little louder for good
measure as I went to the door.  Eyeing the keyhole I situated
both of the thin screwdrivers into it.    

	I began to pick the lock.  Strange I know.  Normally a door
would have the keyhole on the outside.  Most doors to rooms in
these complexes have keyholes on both sides, presumably just for
this reason.  They're probably more worried about keeping us
slaves in then someone else breaking in.  Since I was completely
inexperienced at this task it took me quite a while to figure
out what I needed to do.  After all it looked real easy in the
movies.  I knew I needed two tools, one to set the tumblers and
the other...  Well, I wasn't sure.  

	After playing with the lock for a short time I think I had the
gist of it.  I had to push on the tumblers with the end of one
of the screwdrivers and turn the other to wrench them into
place.  Easy right?  Yeah sure.

	It's easy for someone who's done it a hundred times, doesn't
have a vampire who could show up at any second, and is trying to
keep a song in their head at the same time.  My nerves were
jangled and I was having a hard time remembering which tumbler
went where after I had inadvertently knocked them out of place
by my nervous twitching.

	Then the worst thing of all happened.  The handle began to turn
without me doing anything.  I jumped to my feet and panicked.  

	The door flew open, the screwdrivers still poking out hit the
wall fell out and the door bounced back towards Keir.  He stood
there looking down on my little scared face.  "What are you
doing?"

	"I... um..."  I almost said I was walking back from the
bathroom but I knew a lie wouldn't go over well.  So audaciously
I straightened and said, "I was picking the lock."

	"Don't use that tone with me!  Go sit down."

	I bowed my head and sat.  That was about the worst of it.  He
probably figured I had been caught red handed and was too afraid
to try it again.  He would be right.  

	I had wondered why he hadn't punished me then.  I learned it
was because he had something worse planned for later.



	My guess is I had been there about a week.  I had several
pinched nerves from sleeping on the hard floor and lack of
exercise.  My exercise routine consisted of stretching, running
in place, sit-ups and pull-ups, as I was confined to the small
room.  I was only allowed such luxury when it did not
inconvenience Keir.  Apparently the huffing and puffing sound I
make did so.  I was limited to exercising only when he was not
around. 

	I'm fairly sure I was malnutritioned though I wasn't completely
lacking in food.  I was allotted several pieces of fruit, some
bread and cheese daily.  Whether or not I was allowed to eat it
wholly depended on how much I sucked up to him.  Since I hate
groveling I went without food every few days. 

	Keir was a tyrant during this first week.  I'd want to walk
around a bit.  He forced me to sit.  I wish to sleep.  He kept
me awake, poking and prodding me.  I stare at the wall and he'd
start insisting that there was no wall.  At one point as I
dressed he tried telling me that my shirt was to go on my legs
and it was only my imagination that it was a shirt.  I snapped
at him; "Let's see you fit it on those thick muttons Petruchio." 

	Just as quickly he said, "Well then kiss me Kate."  I tossed
the shirt at him and stormed to the bathroom.  His deep laughter
filtered through the door. 

	I was dumb enough to fall for his act.  I had become accustomed
to him laughing off something wrong I've done and so the next
time he told me to do something I stood proudly against him and
told him "No."  I wound up with a black eye and had to do the
job before I could stop the swelling.  

	After a while of this I was finally getting the picture that if
I just kept my mouth shut and did as I was told (yuck) he'd be
satisfied and I wouldn't be confused about his actions.  That's
not to say that he didn't try to confound me further.

	I woke up with dread in my heart.  After all, I'd rather be
dreaming than here.  My dreams were so nice.  They had nothing
to do with vampires.  There were green fields and airplane rides
and dogs in them, and in-between blissful nothingness.  Compared
to the sight I had to wake up to, that was heaven.  Now there
were ugly toes wiggling before my eyes and a strangely soft low
voice said, "Get up, time for breakfast." 

	"Breakfast?"  I must still be dreaming.  I hadn't been offered
food upon awakening since I entered this room.  I rubbed my eyes
and fingered everything around me.  My blanket, the ground and
the bed all had a very real, solid feeling to them.  "Well come
on, I don't have all night."  The gruff voice called to me. 
That sounded more familiar, I was used to him yelling at me.  I
blinked a couple more times, stretched and slowly got to my
feet.  I began folding the blanket and he said, "Don't worry
about that for now, come and eat."  Okay, Keir was ill, that had
to be it.  I did finish folding it and put it neatly on his
unmade bed and turned to find his dining table full of food.  He
sat across from me beaming. 

	Red flags were going up everywhere.  This was not right.  Why? 
"You have been good."  He answered my unasked question.  "You
have done everything you have been told in the past week, within
reason."  He smirked and I remembered the shirt incident and
let's not forget being caught picking the lock.  "You are
entitled to a small reward."  Keir waved his hand to the table
before me. 

	Leery I sat never taking my eyes off his.  He must be lying. 
Yet he did not waver and there was no malicious sneer.  I
reached out my hand tentatively towards a plate.  "You may only
choose one."  He said before I had gotten close enough to pick
any up.  I knew there had to be a catch.  I surveyed the table
again.  There was a wide variety there: three kinds of omelets;
plates of ham, bacon, sausage, and steak; waffles and pancakes;
eggs and grits.  I was overwhelmed.  I decided on that which
would be the most filling, as who knew when my next opportunity
to eat might come.  As I was about to pick up the large meet
filled omelet he interrupted me again.  "Be sure that is the
right choice, for the wrong one may make you ill, or worse." 
There it was. 

	Now what was all of this about?  A table full of food and no
doubt only one of the offerings was suitable to eat.  Why?  Why
was he doing this?  I looked to him again.  There was no
indication of an answer and he wasn't about to give away the
answer as to which plate was safe. 

	I decided on the safest course of action.  I wouldn't choose
any.  I folded my arms and looked at him.  I knew he'd be
angered by it and indeed I heard his teeth squeak as he ground
them together.  He did not yell, but he did say in a very
controlled soft voice.  "You must choose one as you are told to
do." 

	Okay... Eenie meenie meinie moe...  I began picking off one at
a time.  He drew in deep breaths as he waited for me to choose
and after the third round he said, "I know which is right." 
Okay, what kind of clue was that?  Of course he knew which one
was right, he no doubt had the chef prepare it special.  He did
not intend to tell me which one it was, so why did he even
mention it? 

	I started moving my hand towards different plates and watched
him for a reaction.  His face twitched less than a wooden
Indian.  Plate after plate there was nothing in his countenance
as to what would be the correct one.  Perhaps, yes, perhaps he
intended me to go deeper.  There was just a slight twinge of a
smile.  That must be it!  He wanted me to try to read his mind. 
God how could I have been so blind to this?  I could talk with
Bram any time I liked.  Well, I used too anyway.  Of course it
was something that Bram had over him.  It must really piss Keir
off. 

	If my contacting his mind would make him happy I guess it
wouldn't be all bad.  It could help me improve my skills too. 

	So I tried it. 

	I sat back in my chair and relaxed.  I looked at Keir but
avoided trying too hard to look into him.  Soon I closed my eyes
and kept the picture of him sitting there in my head.  I could
feel the fuzziness of my disconnection from myself.  Soon I was
looking at the table from what I believed was his perspective. 
Which one?  Which one would he eat? 

	I looked over each one.  None seemed different in any way. 
What?  Did I expect it to be highlighted?  A general feeling
that it would be okay I suppose.  Perhaps I was going at it all
wrong.  I wasn't even sure if it was my imagination or if I was
in contact with him.  I sat for a long while.  I knew the food
was getting cold and his temper increasing.  I had to make a
decision soon.  I may not be able to read his mind, but I could
guess at what he would think.  He would choose the one food I
would dislike the most. 

	I made my decision and picked up the one that looked like a
scrambled mess that was mostly peppers and onions.  He showed no
emotion as I did so and even after I took the first bite.  It
tasted fine.  Well as fine as a bunch of disgusting peppers and
onions can taste.  I took several more bites as much as I
disliked the taste I was hungry so I ate as much as I could.  He
watched each bite intensely.  I didn't like that.  About halfway
through, I came to the conclusion that I had chosen wrongly.  I
realized this was Heremon's revenge.  It's a good thing he
wasn't here to enjoy it. 

	My stomach was bubbling.  I needed to go to the restroom.  I
began to stand.  "I didn't excuse you to the bathroom." 

	"Keir, please." 

	"Finish eating."  He pointed at the plate. 

	"But-" 

	His voice rose.  "You made your choice and you must live with
the consequences.  You may not leave this table until I say you
can.  Do not ask again." 

	I weighed the consequences of sitting here and most likely
having to change my pants later or getting up and being tortured
by Keir and still having to change my pants later.  I took
another bite and looked obstinately at Keir.  He would not win
this.  I would just have to control my body as much as my mind. 

	My stomach grumbled again.  It wasn't happy with my choice.  I
tried I really did.  I knew what the food was doing to me, not
to mention that it wasn't that appetizing.  I could hardly
swallow.  Each time I put my fork down to chew Keir's scowl
deepened.  It was as if he thought I would bolt. 

	I lifted the fork as if it weighed 80 pounds and prepared
myself for another disgusting mouth full of bell pepper when it
happened.  I couldn't keep it from happening.  It was as if my
control had been switched off.  I still have to wonder if it
hadn't.  Tears filled my eyes as I was in an uncomfortable
position now.  I could not leave the table for fear of Keir.  I
didn't want to move anyway and feel it down there. 

	I put down the fork, closed my eyes and just sat there. 
"Finish eating."  Keir growled. 

	"You know you were much nicer when you were joking about your
jail time." 

	"I'm sure you'd be much nicer if you spent time in jail.  Now
if I have to tell you one more time to finish eating..." 

	He didn't have to I finished and he then excused me.  I took a
long shower before I felt human again. 

	He didn't talk to me the rest of the night.  It wasn't until I
was half asleep on the ground and he was preparing for bed that
he said, "It wasn't laced." 

	"What?" 

	"Your breakfast was perfectly safe, in fact they all were." 

	I closed my eyes and tried to control my temper.  "What?"  I
hissed. 

	"It is not my fault you chose a food you're allergic to." 

	It was true bell peppers didn't like me and went right through
me, but they weren't normally so fast acting.  I wanted to beat
him.  I wanted to strangle him. 

	"Do you want to lose your bowels again?" 

	"No Keir."  I said yielding. 

	"Perhaps from now on you will realize I do not always have
harmful intentions towards you."  Uh right, after that last
statement? 

	I should have realized none were wrong.  That would mean he
lied earlier saying all but one would make me ill.  So what did
he really want me to choose?  It struck me, not what...  Who.  I
looked up to him and his expression validated my thought. 
Actually, right then he was somewhat endearing.  His eyes were
soft and he almost looked like he had pity for me.  Almost.

	Had I really tried to read his mind, I might have learned that
he just wanted me to be able to do that one thing.  He was
jealous of my connection with Bram.  That had to be it.  Even
after all this time I had spent with him, he was jealous.  Men!

	Why couldn't he just come out and ask why I didn't try to
connect to him mentally?  I would have told him that he was just
too harsh with me.  Had he used that winning grin he had on his
face right now more often, I might get to like him.  

	He moved in closer.  Of course had he realized that he could be
too pushy, play hard to get a little more, I might also not push
away from him as much.  His hand stopped in mid air before my
breast.  I looked up at him with a warning.  He shrugged and
groped me.  Men!

  

	Thankfully, after that the whole tummy torture idea became
stale he no longer pursued it.  He still tended to wait until my
bladder was rather full before he gave me permission to go.

	No, he had found less inventive and delightful (for him) forms
of torture.  These included but not limited to: forcing me to
stay awake for days, feeding from me until I fainted, giving him
foot massages and worst of all I had to read stories to him.  As
if he was a two year old!  A two year old with a great
vocabulary and an even greater thirst for correcting me.  Every
two words!  In-between he would harass me in some manner or
another al la Widow Dubose in "To Kill a Mockingbird." 

  	There was also the silent treatment.  Bad enough to be
isolated from the rest of the community, but to be ignored by
the only person you have contact with is almost too much.  For
hours on end he would ignore me.  I'd be allowed to read to
myself, or clean, or fix something he had brought me, but he'd
instruct me not to speak to him.  You're thinking to yourself;
"It could be worse."  

	Oh yes, of course it could.  He could tease me with the hope of
someone new to talk to.  "We are to have company tonight."  He
said breaking the silence.  This so shocked me that I bounced
around in my chair to look at him.  "You do not speak unless
spoken to." 

	"Yes sir."  There was only a little bit of a biting tone there.
 It was not nearly as bad as I could have been, but this still
upset him and I found the inside of my cheek bleeding.  He had
slapped me so hard and fast I cut my teeth on it without
realizing. 

	"You will do only as I tell you.  You are not to answer to any
other than I.  If someone else is here and asks you for
something you look to me for permission."  He paused waiting for
me to say something, yet I knew better.  Finally he asked; "Is
that understood." 

	"Yes Keir."  My voice, despite me, was sad and quiet.  I could
do nothing at the moment except give in to him.  

	So even with more people here I was to be ignored.  Keir
instructed to clean myself up and prepare the room.  This meant
lighting more candles, clearing the table and setting it for a
meal and putting some champagne on ice.  I set out a clean suit
for Keir as he showered.  I had contemplated putting together an
ugly ensemble then thought better of it.  I would not upset him
this night if it would risk my interaction with others.  He came
out of the shower looked at it then at me.  He grinned.  It was
an actual happy face.  "I have to admit you have an eye for
making me look good."  Approval!  Wow, there's a first!

	I sat anxiously waiting while he dressed.  He had not told me
who was coming or why.  It didn't really matter.  Knowing Keir
it was someone I despised like Heremon or Gary.  Still it didn't
really matter.  This was something that would reduce the
monotony.

	He had entered the bathroom to add some final touches when
there was a knock on the door.  I wanted to hop up and answer
it.  However, I was not told to yet.  There was a second knock
and Keir called to me.  "Answer it."  I bolted for the door and
had to calm myself before I opened it.  What I saw there
disappointed me to no end.

	Gwen, a slave, stood with a slinky little thing hardly hiding
her long legs and large breasts.  I gestured her in not wanting
to speak.  Both because Keir would scold me and because I might
say something evil to her.  

	I closed the door as Keir entered the room.  "Hello my sweet. 
You are positively radiant."  He took her hand and kissed it. 
She curtsied.  I was going to hurl.

	I had such high hopes that someone would come that I could talk
to.  Someone who would have dinner with us and share something
insightful about Keir that might make me more inclined to like
him.  Instead I get this bimbo.  I'm not saying that lightly. 
She had a reputation around the slave court worse than Lacey's. 
She not only would do anything to please a vampire she would go
searching them out.

	I had no doubt why she was here.  I began to wonder why he got
all dressed up if he knew he was just going to take it off again
a short while later.  Of course he didn't rip off his clothes
right away.  He set her down and handed her a drink.  He handed
me one too and I headed for my chair.  "No come sit here with
us."  Those were five words I never really wanted to hear.  Alas
I didn't see that I had much of a choice.  Grudgingly I sat on
the edge of the couch.  He practically sat on top of her
in-between us.

	He wrapped his arm around her neck and fondled my knee with his
other hand.  She giggled.  I set the drink down; at least one of
us should remain sober.

	Dinner was no less than disturbing.  Gwen giggled and talked of
how hard it was for her to decide what to wear and other topics
that no one with an IQ above her dress size would even care
about.  She may be a brunette but was so ditzy I didn't think
she was smart enough to understand blonde jokes.  She kept
glancing over at me.  Perhaps she was trying to bring me into
the conversation.  Maybe she was trying to enforce her
superiority in showing me she was the one getting the attention.
 Either way it bugged the hell out of me.  All the while she
spoke of nothing but gossip around the complex.  She was no
doubt gathering more information about Keir and me at that very
moment.  

	Keir soaked it all in.  He watched her admiringly, laughed at
her futile attempts at witticisms and treated her as if she were
a princess.  If this was what he wanted me to be like, then I
was happy to disappoint him.

	The whole thing bored me. 

	It didn't take long for Keir's flirting to turn into something
more.  The food hadn't even gotten cold by the time he had her
blouse off.  I looked at it lying there on the floor
disparagingly knowing who would be expected to pick it up.  They
slobbered in each other's mouth for a time while I picked at the
food.  Gwen laughed loudly distracting me from the plate of
roasted potatoes.  It was rather unfortunate since this made me
look at them and Keir caught my eye.  "Sit in your chair and be
comfortable."  Which translated to: "If you don't sit, watch,
and learn now there will be consequences."  I sat and no matter
how I turned in the chair I had a full view of them rolling
around on the bed like pigs wallowing in mud.  It made me sick.

	The room fell silent for once and it shocked me to find out
that she could use her mouth for something other than tripe talk.

	I was in no mood to watch Keir be satisfied by anyone.  He
didn't deserve that level of pleasure.  I didn't have anything
better to do and not allowed to get up from my chair I searched
for a distraction.  I found it in the music I missed most, not
those from the jukebox.  I was thinking of the songs from my
childhood, happy songs, amusement park ride songs.  

	Okay, I admit it.  One of my favorite songs in the whole wide
world is one that annoys the hell out of most people.  "It's a
Small World."   To be truthful part of the reason I love it so
much is it does annoy people.

	It really doesn't take that much to get that specific song
stuck in your head.  Despite what was happening in front of me I
felt I was in a little boat watching tiny animatronic puppets
singing it over and over and over...  A smile spread across my
face.  Memories of my childhood flirted across my mind.  Like
the time we were coming out of the tunnel of that ride and
fireworks were exploding directly above us.  What a sight!  My
sister and dad literally dragging me on a roller coaster for the
first time and when I got off, I wanted to go right back on. 
What a thrill!  

	I missed them, my family, perhaps more than Bram.  The song is
so true it is a world of laughter and a world of tears.  How can
I be happy and sad at the same time?  Tears started to crawl
down my face as I realized I'd never be able to go to the
"Happiest place on Earth" with them again.  

	It may be a small world but the walls that divided us were
worse than mountains.  I sniffled as I stood to go to the
bathroom.  I washed my face as more happy memories of my family
went through my mind almost choreographed with the song that
still played over and over.

	It reminded me of good times and bad.  The long drives with my
mom, dancing with my dad, fights with my sister about
inconsequential things.  And that was just in the parking lot!

	Of course I was never truly happy until I fell down a waterfall
in a creaky boat and heard other raggedy animatronic people
singing another infectious dirge.

	I returned to the room now with a happy chorus of "Yo Ho."  As
I sat, I realized there were no sounds in the room external to
my head.  I looked up and realized the girl was gone and Keir
sat watching me.  His expression was a mix of befuddlement and
anger.  All memories and happiness sank into the depths of my
stomach.

	Very quietly he asked, "Do you have any respect for me?"  How
was I supposed to answer that and not expect to be hurt?  He
shook his head.  "What is wrong with you tonight?  I thought you
were delighted to have company.  Did you think I brought her
here for my pleasure alone?  Why did you depress us with your
despondency?"

	I should have said something like "I'm sorry Keir, I don't know
what got into me.  I guess she is just a little intimidating." 
Instead I said,  "What's with you?  I thought you liked
intellectuals, not third grade flunkies?"

	"Don't take that tone with me."

	I knew I was about to piss him off, not that I hadn't already,
but this was so much better than watching him have intercourse
with a slut.  "Perhaps you're the one who has something to
learn."

	He leaped at me and I didn't even have time to duck.  I was
pinned against the wall with his hand clasped around my neck.  I
was too shocked to do anything but grab his arm and try to pull
it away.  I knew I hadn't a chance.  

	Slowly I was loosing consciousness and as I did his voice
didn't rise above a whisper as he made his point clear, "I will
make your life a living hell."

	Been there, done that.



	The living hell that was my life, really didn't turn out to be
too bad.  As long as I didn't piss him off too badly I was okay,
at least physically.  He and I learned quickly that physical
pain really didn't have the desired impact after a while.  

	I believe that is why he had started trying those other things,
like making me choose food that I'd suffer from, forcing me to
watch his exploits with others, etc.  He began attacking me
emotionally.  We both knew it was the only way I'd respond to
him as I wasn't aware I was until it was too late.  He did
everything he could to keep my mind from that which would make
it happy.

	Every time I'd try to communicate Bram he would distract me in
one way or another.  He would talk to me in a casual fashion
about other women and how they were better than I.  This would
stop me from trying to reach Bram for that moment.  That wasn't
enough for him.  The insult didn't affect me emotionally, so he
dug deeper.  He insisted on telling me how other women turned
him on and that I was just a fat, frozen piece of meat that he
was storing.  He attempted to show me several more times.  He
soon gave up forcing me to watch (or join) as this too did not
have the desired impact. 

	At first the jibes didn't bother me.  After all it wasn't the
first time he tried using insults to make me break down.  He
also knew for the most part alone they had little effect on me. 
Yet in conjunction with everything else, being told over and
over how ugly you are does have an impact on the self esteem. 
It's worsened when there is no one to tell you otherwise.  I
believed he was doing all of this because he had seen me cry
once.  He was trying to get me to that susceptible state again. 
That knowledge and my denial did not diminish the impact of his
words.  He would often tell me how unworthy I was of his
attention.  I would counter with the question "Then why am I
still here."  At which point he would leave me alone for days on
end with little to eat and drink and with orders not to leave
his room.  I wouldn't cry until hours after he was gone.

	It wasn't only that sort of thing.  While I despised watching
him have sex with others I did notice that he handled them
differently.  He talked softer and had more patience with them. 
He put effort into pleasing them.  I couldn't believe that I
started to feel as if I was missing out.

	Even this wasn't as bad as how the others treated me.  They
would come in feed Keir or go to bed with him without so much as
a civil word to me.  I'd answer the door and close it after they
come in passing me like the door had opened on its own.  I'd
move off into a corner to sulk as they ate a luscious dinner. 
On the few occasions that they acknowledged my presence it was
to ask me to fetch them something.  These were my peers, slaves
just like me and they were treating me as an inferior!

	I did not like that.  I deserve better.  Yet night after night
of this, you too would begin to believe you were a worthless
nobody.  

	It probably helped me a little that each person that came to
visit did not interest me.  I was not aching to talk to any of
them.  Keir probably arranged this knowing they wouldn't want to
talk to me too.  Wouldn't they?  Had Lacey come by wouldn't she
do something to help me?  I wasn't sure.  If it came down to her
happiness or mine, I guess it would be every slave for
themselves. 

	No vampires came to call.  Not that I would enjoy it if they
did, except for one.  I couldn't understand why Bram had yet to
stop by.  He should have been able to get past Keir by now.  It
couldn't be that he wasn't even trying.  Could it be that he was
busy or away?

	Even if he was for a time he couldn't have been that entire
time.  So why would he abandon me for so long?  Maybe I was no
longer worth the effort.  Was I now so much of an outcast that
not even Bram would talk to me?

	No, he told me that he loved my soul.  That goes deeper than
any kind of rejection.

	Who was I kidding?  If he loved me that deeply, I would have
seen him by now.  My heart kept arguing that he did love me and
he was just being held back.  My head was refusing to listen. 
It was just too logical that he wouldn't love me that much.  He
probably had a couple of women wrapped around his pinkie now
that I was out of the way.  Yet I wasn't upset at him.  I missed
him, his smile, his laugh, those deep eyes.  No, I could not
think anything bad about him.  I did not doubt that he had done
everything he could to relieve me of this pain and was
unsuccessful.  I fantasized him arguing with the King, fighting
with Keir or plotting with others to get me out of here.

	 What about those others that thought me special, like Kama? 
Of course I knew why she wouldn't.  I had treated her like shit.
 Even Heremon wouldn't visit.  Was I really that hated now?

	Keir confirmed this thought when he told me that he bragged to
Kama that he had me every night.  It was a lie I knew and he
knew.  How easily could one vampire lie to another?  Would she
believe it?  That was not what I had a problem with.  He knew
that despite my dislike of what Kama had done, I missed her
company.  He told me that she had been jealous, but not of him,
of me.  The egotistical ass actually thinks Kama wants to be
with him.  I knew it wasn't true.  Kama had no love for Keir. 
All of this backfired on Keir, for I told him; "I'd rather be
Kama's servant forever rather than sleep with you again."  

	He came back with "She will never take you in."

	"She's already offered."  I argued back, even though it was a
long time ago.

	He echoed my thoughts.  "You have rescinded that offer.  It is
no longer an option."  He got right up close knowing that I
hated it when he invaded my personal space.  He was not harsh
about it though.  "She will not have you.  I am the only one who
will."

	"No."  Keir didn't care about me anymore than he cared about
the chair I sat in.  For him to say that he cared more about me
than anyone else was impossible.  Wasn't it?

	"I will not abandon you.  Even as much as you dislike me I will
always be here."  He held a dark juicy strawberry before my
lips.  "I am not your enemy."  He spoke soothingly.  What he
implied did not go over my head.  He was here feeding me fruit
Bram was not.

	I wrapped my mouth around the proffered fruit.  As I did so, I
realized for the first time that it had happened.  I had allowed
him to brainwash me.  I was sitting here willfully taking candy
from a stranger.  There really was nothing I could do about it. 
He was right no one was running to my rescue.

	I had begun to learn to take the bad with the good.  While he
would always be harsh with me he was less so when he knew he had
whittled me down close to a slobbering mess.  Then and only then
he would take pity on me and only when he knew it was sincere. 
I had tried to fake this state before and it won me nothing
other than a mouthful of soap.

	When I was sincere I found myself rewarded.  At first it was
little things like the strawberries, or being able to sleep in
the bed.  The more I accepted my place with Keir and didn't
fight him the more luxuries I would be afforded such as access
to my laptop.



	Keir was out again and I was left to ponder my thoughts.  I
must have done something that pleased him for he left me with my
laptop.  I wasn't about to ask where it had disappeared to, or
how my stories had gotten from it to the computers in the lab
and back again as it had updates.  I was happy to have it
period.  I typed all my thoughts out on it, good and bad; mostly
bad.  I wrote hateful things about Keir.  I wrote sad things
about Bram.  I even wrote letters I knew would never reach my
family about my mistreatment here.  Perhaps I did it consciously
knowing Keir would read them and hoping he would kick me out
because of them.  I think I really did it because I had no other
outlet.  I had no one to confide in.  My writing was all I had
that did keep me from breaking down and crying in front of Keir.

	I sat pondering my next words wishing I had a dog to pet.  At
home I always thought better when petting the family dog.  That
was before I moved into the apartment all by myself.  How lonely
I had become.  Even a dog would have elevated that loneliness. 
Then perhaps Bram wouldn't have seen fit to take me from that
life and I wouldn't be here now.  

	My stuffed dog, Charlie, would even elevate my frustration now.
 Oh how I wish Bram and Keir would have taken him from my
apartment and not my stories.  Stories could be rewritten a
lifelong stuffed companion could not be recreated.  I started to
write a poem about it at least my memories could keep me
company.  There came a knock on the door interrupting this train
of thought.  Keir would normally just enter.  He never
instructed me to let the door go unanswered, but then again he
instructed me only to do as I was told.  

	"Toni, it's Al."  Orders be damned I was answering the door.

	Of course I had another problem.  The door was locked, and only
Keir could open it.  Well, open it with a key.  I had already
learned how to open it without one.  "Give me a minute."  I
searched for the screwdrivers.  Surprisingly they were right in
the same place as before.  I grabbed them and fiddled with the
lock for a much shorter time than before.  It didn't even strike
me that I was doing this, fully concentrating on the task,
without a song in my head.

	I had the door open in a very short time and greeted Al with a
very enthusiastic, "Hi!"

	I would have hugged him upon sight had he not had a large box
in his arms.  I helped him with it by removing his burden and
placed it on the table.  I noticed briefly that it had food and
some clothing in it.  I concluded I'd be here a while.  Despite
the instant depression this put me in I turned to Al.  He
stopped me at once by putting a hand up and I realized what it
meant.  "I know I can't talk to you."

	"No but you can listen."  Now this was an interesting prospect.
 "You need to behave yourself."  I started to protest but he
didn't give me time to.  "If you really want out and want to be
with Bram again you have to alter your behavior.  You must be
respectful to Keir."

	I almost asked if Keir put him up to this but I knew Al better
than that.

	"Only by proving your devotion will he give you some leeway." 
Again I began to protest, after all I was already doing this,
but Al put a finger on my lips.  "Kiddo, just do me this favor,
don't piss off Keir anymore."

	I remembered the beating I saw Keir give him.  I hoped he
wasn't getting the brunt of Keir's anger at me.  While I wished
to ask him about this and why Keir would be upset at him in the
first place I did as I was told and didn't say a word.  I nodded
my agreement.  "Good girl.  Now don't get your hopes up but I
happen to know there is a small movement to get you out of here.
 However it won't do them any good if you don't behave
yourself."  Again I silently agreed.  "I'll see you soon then." 
He patted me on the cheek and went to close the door.  "Oh yeah,
I almost forgot.  Bram says hi and he hasn't so much as looked
at another woman.  I can pretty much confirm that."

	My eyes grew wide and my heart went into my throat.  Bram
hadn't forgotten me!  I hugged Al with all my might.  "Okay,
okay, I'll pass that on."  He pried me off him and went on with
his deliveries.  I vowed to be better than good, I would do
whatever I could now to make Keir happy so that I could leave
this place and see my Bram again.  

	When Keir came back that morning he didn't know what hit him. 
He soon pried it out of my mind why I was in such an amiable
mood.  That did not make him happy at all.  To my advantage
there wasn't much he could do about it.  After all if he yelled
at me for it that would only work against what he was trying to
accomplish with me.  He was amazed to find that night that no
matter how repugnant something was that he asked me to do, I did
it with little to no reluctance.  



	Perhaps I was winning.  After several days of relentless
obedience, I could tell he was tiring of me.  I just wasn't as
much of a challenge for him anymore.  He ignored me more. 
Instead of staring blankly at the walls or him, I was permitted
use of the laptop.  He'd allow me to eat, drink, and use the
restroom freely.  I still wasn't granted the one thing I wanted
most; to leave this room.

	Every evening I keep waking up thinking this had all been a
weird dream.  Every evening, over and over, I wake up and
realize it was real.  Except this evening.  I couldn't accept it
as real.

	"What color is the sky?"  Keir asked as I woke.  He must have
been bored.

	I shrugged, "Any color you want it to be."

	"And if I say it's puce?"  Ah, he was testing me.

	"Then it's puce."

	"But it's not puce."  Argh!

	Keep a grip girl.  Just make him happy.  "Oh, my eyes are
going.  You're right, it's not."

	"If I were to say 2+2=5?"

	"Then I say they taught me wrong in school."  This really
wasn't that much of a stretch of imagination.

	I knew he knew that I was just saying these things to please
him that is why I didn't understand what he said next. 
Dumfounded I watched his mouth move.  The words coming out
didn't match the movement like a badly synched anime cartoon.  I
hated doing it but I had to ask, "What?" 

	"Are you supposed to question me?"  He snapped. 

	"No Kier." 

	"Well then, get going."  He did!  He really did tell me to
leave!  "I don't want to see you back here until tomorrow
evening."

	I wasted no time.  "Thank you Keir!"  When the door closed
behind me I blinked to adjust my eyes as if I had just walked
out into the sun.  I had forgotten how dim it was in his room
with only candles to light it. 

	Keir had told me that one of the electronic stair steppers in
the gym needed fixing.  I was sure that something so simple
could have been given to one of the other technicians around
here.  I didn't quite understand why the job was given to me. 
It could be that it was a chance for Keir to find a reason to
punish me more if I messed up.  No doubt he has a bunch of pent
up aggression since he hasn't been taking it out on me lately.

	I went straight to the computer room knowing that I would need
my toolbox I kept there.  When I got there, I knew something was
wrong.  I tried the door handle it, of course, was locked.  I
removed the key from my pocket.  Somehow I knew it wouldn't
work.  It didn't.  I was denied this too.  I went to the lab and
took a toolbox from there that was for general use.  It didn't
have all the tools that I would like but it would probably
suffice.

	I headed for the gym.  It was bustling with activity, if you
could call anything in this place bustling.  There were grunts
from the weightlifters, yells from the boxing ring, and general
clanking associated with any gym.  Like normal, any talking was
kept low.  I made my way to the short row of stair steppers. 
None were occupied or turned on.  There were no signs saying
"this machine is broken" or "this does not display properly" so
I started the slow process of assessing which one was broken and
how so.  It wasn't obvious from the get go.  They all powered on
fine.  I had to try each one to find the problem.  Perhaps this
was the real reason Keir sent me, to get exercise.  I found the
third one did not change levels.  It took me several hours to
take apart the hardware find the bug and fix it.  Of course I
had to make sure it worked.  So I climbed many stairs before I
could say it was good.  By that time I had worked up quite an
appetite.

	Off I went to the kitchen.  It was early so the cooks didn't
have anything prepared yet.  Normally at this point I would go
in and help myself.  This time Harrison blocked my way halfway
through the kitchen.  "Sorry Keir's orders."  It was all he had
to say.  I resigned myself not to disobey him now.  On the way
out I spotted a bowl of crackers.  Before I could be stopped I
grabbed a handful and ran for my cot.  

	Half of the handful was already in my mouth when I spotted
Lacey awake and of all things: reading.  I was thrilled to see a
friendly face.  For once, I actually wanted to talk to Lacey
about my experience with a vampire.  Completely forgetting about
my vow of obedience I leaned over her shoulder and spoke, "What
'cha reading?" 

	Lacey didn't answer.  "Lacey put down the book I have to talk
to you about Keir."  When she still didn't answer, I hit her
with this, "Sex is involved."  Still no answer.  "Lacey?"  I
tried to pry the book from Lacey's hands.  Lacey wouldn't let
go.  She glared at me and then turned her back to me.  "Lacey? 
What's wrong?" 

	"I can't talk to you Toni."  Lacey whispered as if she were
afraid of being heard. 

	"Why the hell not?"  It didn't take long to realize, "Keir?  He
said I couldn't interact with anyone unless he approved.  Does
that include you?" 

	I saw her head go up and down slightly, and just hardly loud
enough to hear, "Sorry."  I could hear a tang of a sob in that
and it pulled at my gut.  He really has managed to take
everything away from me. 

	"I don't get it."  I said half to her, half to myself.  "How'd
he get to you?  Was there a public announcement or something? 
Or is there a sign on my back?"  No answer.  I munched on
another cracker and soon found my appetite gone.  Had I lost it
because of this, or was someone controlling my hunger?

	I figured It would just be easier if I got some sleep.  Thirty
minutes later I found I couldn't sleep.  It wasn't that anyone
was keeping me awake, nor was it the hunger pains.  I kept
wondering where Bram was.  I think it was rather convenient that
he wasn't around on the one day that I had a taste of freedom,
don't you?  Keir must have done it on purpose to get my hopes up
about seeing him again.  He probably wanted to prove to me that
this day of freedom wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  I've
got him though.  I might have had to work hard, I might not have
been able to talk to anyone, and I might not have been able to
see my love, but this was the happiest I've been in a few weeks.
 The soft murmuring of voices, the light, the space; it all was
terrific to me.  I did feel free even if I had an obligation to
return to Keir.  I could breathe again.  If I could fall asleep
I was sure it would be the most peaceful sleep I've had in a
long while.

	If only I could touch Bram's mind just for a moment everything
would be perfect.  I tried everything in my power to reach him,
which really isn't saying much.  The few little tricks he had
taught me I was sure, wasn't really enough to find him wherever
he was.  It definitely wasn't enough to get past whatever was
blocking me.  I knew I was trying too hard too.  I couldn't
figure out how to find him without concentrating and I can't
concentrate to touch his mind.  Finally I just decided if it
would come, it would come naturally.  I relaxed too much and
soon fell asleep.  I was right it was extremely peaceful.



	I awoke with a start from the sound of movement around me. 
Night was in full bloom and I was late.  I didn't even bother to
change clothes as I ran back to Keir's room.  He was upset I
knew he was.  He told me to be back in the evening, not night.  

	I slowed before approaching the door and caught my breath.  I
knocked out of politeness and waited.  I knocked again.  I
waited longer. 

	I pressed my ear against the door.  I could hear nothing.  They
were heavy doors, so I wasn't sure I would hear anything even if
he were inside unless he was yelling.  I knocked again and was
unanswered.  I looked about me.  I was sure that I hadn't, in my
hurry, gone down the wrong hall.  

	I was either very late and pissing him off more, or I have been
wasting my time and could have stayed in the slave court.  I
could go back there and wait.  No, I don't think he'd be pleased
with that.  I sat with my back to the door and waited.

	It was a long wait.  I was bored and really didn't want to be
here.  I was mostly asleep when my foot was kicked.  I looked up
to find Gary standing over me.  He looked like a cat who had
just cornered a mouse.  "I wouldn't let Keir find me this way if
I were you."

	I jumped to my feet.  Gary held several bottles of alcohol and
he gestured for me to take some.  I really didn't want to help
Gary.  I also didn't want to get in any more trouble.  So I
alleviated some of his burden and waited.  Half a minute later
Keir came around the corridor.  He was perfectly calm.  He
didn't even look at me when he unlocked and opened the door. 
Gary bounced inside.  I dragged my feet and followed him in.

	Inside Keir shut the door behind me.  He was right on top of
me.  I backed into the wall trying to put some space between us.
 He matched me step for step.  I thought he was going to slap
me.  He didn't.  He was rather rough as he ripped the bottles
from my grasp.  "Gary put these away."  His glare never moved
from me.  After about a minute of his staring down at me he
finally said, "You disobeyed me."

	"I-I'm sorry I was late.  I overslept."

	"Yes.  Is there anything else?"  

	Yeah, I'm sorry I'm not still asleep.  I'm glad I didn't say
that aloud.  "I can't think of anything."

	"I see we will need to start a new."  He said as if he were a
stuffy old professor. 

	What?  What did I do?  "The walnuts are all falling off the
dome."  At my expression he knocked on my head.  "They're not
getting through, bouncing off, just like everything I've tried
to teach you."  	

	Gary giggled.  

	Start over?  What did I miss?  I did what I was told while I
was out.  I fixed the stair stepper.  I tried to eat and was
denied.  I then went to sleep.  No, there was something else. 
"No, really, I know what you want.  It's just you can't expect
me to go out there and not talk to anyone."

	"Yes, I do." 

	"Even if I'm approached?" 

	"Unless it is related to your work, then no.  Attempting to
talk to Lacey about me was uncalled for." 

	"But..." 

	"No.  Now sit there and think of everything you did wrong.  You
may not move until you have come to a conclusion." 

	Oh I could come to a conclusion right away.  This was
preposterous.  He was treating me like a little kid.

	Gary sat smugly.  I wanted to throw something at him.  Then it
occurred to me; how much of this sort of thing did he go through
to get to where here was now or was he always a kiss ass?  I was
about to ask that very question when Keir stopped me.  "You
leave him out of this."  I pouted.  Then I began to wonder why
was he even here.  No, I didn't want to think about it.

	"Why don't you just tell him you're sorry and get it over
with?"  Gary asked me.

	"Why don't you go-"

	"Antoniette!"  Keir warned.

	Knowing that I was about to bring his wrath down upon me I shut
up.  I did think about the last day and what I had done.  I was
just so excited to be out and about I had allowed myself to go
too far, just as I had with Gary just now.  I knew I had to take
Al's advice and behave, it was just very hard when temptation is
at hand.

	As I sat there Gary had left and returned several times.  I
didn't dare look to see what was going on.  I could guess.  The
smell of cooked meat made me salivate.  I wondered if I would be
allowed to share it with them.

	I got a carrot.

	Gary and Keir talked for quite some time.  I ignored them until
I heard Gary say; "Can I try it on her?"

	Keir laughed "I'm afraid she'd enjoy it too much."

	Try what?  On whom?  Me?  I wanted to ask him but I knew I had
not been addressed so I couldn't say anything.

	"I believe it would be best if you were to leave now."

	"All right, may I come back later?"

	"Yes, after six."  Keir said softly.  The door opened and
closed.  In a much sterner voice he said, "Antoniette, get on
the bed."

	Oh lord, that could only mean one thing.  I was hoping he was
too upset with me to consider it.  Sulking I sat on the edge of
the bed, as he did not tell me to lie down yet.

	He sat next to me and put a hand on my thigh.  He began rubbing
it.  He was being relatively gentle.  I wondered why.  He ran
his other hand through my hair and with only a small tug pulled
my head backwards exposing my neck.  He ran his finger down it
to my breasts.  His touch was as light as a feather.  He raised
his eyebrows as if asking me if it was all right.  As if I had a
choice.

	He leaned in kissed my eyebrow, then my cheek then my neck. 
Then he bit it with all his might and ferocity.  I screamed as
the blood poured.  He gripped me hard keeping me from squirming.
 I had no where to go.  I couldn't fight him.  

	Somehow I understood the meaning of this action.  He had lulled
me into a false sense of security.  He used that to get what he
really wanted.  Not unlike what I had done to get to the slave
court and talk with Lacey.

	Once this thought struck me he loosened his grip.  He licked my
wound helping it to coagulate.  He leaned me down onto the bed
and moved on top of me.

	While he ravished me, my mind separated from my body.  It
didn't float above me, for I didn't even want to watch what we
were doing let alone be doing it.  I was going through green
fields.  Lovely flower filled hills of some far away land.  Bram
was there waiting for me.  I ran into his arms.

	He put a finger over my lips.  Bram then took me by the hand
and lead me across the field.  Not too far away we came upon a
small cottage.  Without knocking we entered.  In front of the
dark fireplace was a couch.  As we rounded the couch I beheld a
small middle aged man.  He wore a red and black flannel shirt
and looked as if he had a hard day working in the fields.  Bram
left me and sat next to him.

	The man acted like he didn't even know Bram was there even as
Bram tilted the man's head.  Bram didn't even bother to speak to
the man as he penetrated the man's neck with his teeth.

	Then it was me leaning over the man.  As if it was completely
natural for me I began to drink the blood.  I felt the warmth of
it on my tongue.  I breathed in the metallic scent and it made
me salivate more than Gary's dinner.  It slid down my throat
like warm brandy and hit the pit of my empty stomach.  My
stomach gurgled as it digested the first few drops.  As I drank
more and more, it became satiated.

	I felt stronger.  I could crush this man's neck with just one
hand if I wanted to.  I didn't though.  I wanted to taste him
more.  To kill him would stop the flow of blood.  I knew that
flow was not unstoppable.  For now it was good, very good.

	My heart began beating faster as it pushed his life saving
blood through my arteries.  I wished to keep this feeling going.
 I would take every last drop of his blood if I had to.

	No!

	Bram had taken my place.  His back was to me and so didn't see
me approach.  I grabbed his shoulders.  "Stop."  I knew the man
was dying.  I couldn't let that happen.  "Bram!  Stop."

	He turned sharply, his mouth dripping with the dark red fluid. 
I gasped and stepped back.  I almost ran from the hideous sight.
 He caught me before I could go anywhere.  The blood was gone
the room was gone.  It was just him and me.  He pleaded me not
to be afraid without saying a word.  He held my chin in his hand
and brought his lips down to mine.  

	When we separated from the kiss I fell into his compassionate
blanket like arms.  "Oh, Bram."  I murmured.

	I must have said it aloud for I heard Keir's voice.  "What?"

	I blinked my eyes opened and came to the realization that I
wasn't really with Bram.

	Keir grabbed me with both hands and thrust me across the room. 
I crashed into the desk sideways and heard something crack.  It
wasn't the strong oak wood.  It was my arm.  I cried out in pain
and gripped my left arm.  I could feel the break.  I nearly
fainted  from the thought of it.  I looked down and nearly did
cry.  One of Keir's African masks had fallen and smashed on the
ground.  It was now looking up at me with half a grimace.  I
held myself together for Keir was coming at me.

	He was irate, but not like I had ever seen him before.  He was
baring his teeth, in a grin.  "So now you know."

	"Know what?"

	"Don't you see?  The worst you have to fear from me is a broken
arm.  Don't be concerned with those that Kama murdered or what
Heremon has done.  You should fear for yourself and how Bram has
taken you into his trap."

	"Trap?"  This couldn't be.  Was he accusing Bram of something?

	"He is dangerous."

	"No."  It was just a dream.  Wasn't it?

	"I am trying to protect you."

	"Bullshit!  You're trying to protect me?  Why?"  I really
wanted to know why he would want to protect me, but he
interpreted the question differently.

	"Do you know why he has refused you?  Why he would not partake
of you during the Dance of Equanimity?  Why he avoided telling
you of his love for so long?  Has it never occurred to you to
wonder these things?  Has it not crossed your mind to ask why he
was the first accused in Lowell's death?  Or how Denise died?" 
Actually, I had.  "What was his reply?  That it was an
accident."  I nodded.  He seemed to be going in for the kill
now.  "Has he ever told you how many?"

	"How many what?"

	"How many people he's killed."

	"He's a vampire, isn't that kind of part and parcel of the
whole vampire thing?"  Bram and I had talked about it before,
though Keir's putting a new tilt on it.

	"Yes, but some more than others."

	Right.  	"Why are you always trying to turn me against Bram?" 
That had to be it.

	"Has he ever told you of Richard?"  I shook my head.  What did
he have to do with it?  Who was he?  "No?  What about Jason? 
Brandon?  Lani?  He hasn't told you about any of them, eh?"

	"What about them?"  I finally managed to get in.

	He leaned in real close to me.  He showed more of his white
deadly teeth with each word.  "You didn't know you were in love
with the most savage killer in this building?"