Leaving the Light
By: Christine Schnell
Chapter 34
It's a statistical fact that six months after marriage couples
tend to have doubts about the marriage, about their partner and
the direction of their life in general. I didn't need Keir's
revelation to give me doubts about my relationship with Bram. I
was already having them. He just amplified my thoughts.
"Toni, you can trust me. I won't hurt you." Bram pleaded.
"I know, but what about the others you have hurt?"
He was hesitant to talk about it and fingered the murals on the
walls as we passed. "I told you I can't control that."
"Exactly Bram. How can I have double standards for you? Kama
killed and I severed all ties with her."
"You've been considering renewing your friendship with her."
How did he...? Of course he knew, he's probably monitored me
as much as Keir. "Yes, but I don't think I will now."
"You can't shun every one of us, we've each killed someone."
"No, but I will not let myself become involved with any of you.
I made a mistake by getting personal. I won't make that mistake
any longer. I'll still serve if I must and that is all." We
had walked into the slave court and my nose filled with the
wonderful scent of baking bread. "Now if you'll excuse me I
have one more denied whim to indulge." I walked to the kitchen
and didn't look back to see if he followed. I knew he hadn't.
It's not because Bram's a killer, though I can't ignore that
fact. I had wondered on and off if Bram really was the right
man for me. Were his intentions as pure as he seemed to make
them? Worst of all the question kept popping into my head; Do I
really love him?
Since I had no wish to be with him at that time I was certain
the answer was no. A small part of me argued that I still had
feelings for him. I chose to ignore them.
The meal was large. While I stuffed myself on all varieties of
food I forgot Bram. I could think of only one thing; my freedom.
I was ecstatic to be out, certainly. It just wasn't enough. I
didn't think I could live this close to people I had grown to
loathe. What I had told Bram wasn't a lie. I'd serve if I had
to, I just wanted to make sure I absolutely had to. Was freedom
really an option or just an illusion?
I know they monitored me. Hell I could even feel a presence in
the room despite being off in a corner by myself. I should
forget about it for now. Total freedom probably wasn't possible
anyway. For some reason I just couldn't give up the idea, not
then and still not to this day. For the time being I let it go
and finished my meal.
After I finished eating, I found Al again. He was folding
towels by himself so I lent him a hand. Al watched me
curiously. "You gave me quite a fright earlier. I was afraid
you hadn't learnt anything with Keir and was purposely trying to
drown yourself."
I scoffed, "The only thing I learned was how to keep Keir from
killing me." I stole a glance at him and saw he was still
concerned. "I'm okay Al, really."
"Is everything okay with Bram?" I stopped mid-fold. "I broke
it off with him."
Al stopped too and tried to look me in the face. I was too
busy staring at my hands to let him. "Why?"
"You don't know?"
"Know what?"
"Bram's a fierce murderer."
"Oh." He went back to folding.
"You knew?"
"Yes, a few of us know, not many. I didn't know that he never
told you. Especially with all that's happened."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Believe me kiddo, I would have if it were up to me."
"Thanks Al." This conversation brought to mind the multitude
of faces Bram showed me. One stuck a bit more than the others.
"Al, I once asked you about Dr. Wendel and the person that he
couldn't help. I think I saw her in Bram's mind. She was in
her late twenties or so, short black hair, shallow cheeks. Dr.
Wendel was leaning over her and I would have sworn he was
crying. Who was she?"
"You 'saw' her? I thought you could just talk-"
"Please don't change the subject."
He sighed. "Why do I always get the heavy ones?"
"Because you like me and are the only one who will answer them."
He hesitated again but he was no match for my penetrating
stare. "She was his wife."
"Bram killed-"
Al nodded, "Apparently so. I didn't think it was him but if
you saw it then it must be true."
"Oh poor Dr. Wendel. Do you know how?"
"Not really. It was outside. Many years ago." He paused
thinking for a moment while folding a few more towels. "Don't
talk to Dr. Wendel about this. I don't think he knows who
killed her."
"He should know!"
"Kiddo, sometimes it's better to not have certain knowledge,
don't you think?"
"I'm glad to have the knowledge I have."
"Even if it means being miserable?"
"It's not a new concept to me." A thought crossed my mind and
I saw an opportunity to gather more information. "Besides it
won't matter once I'm out of here."
"Escape? Not likely."
"You've been in and out of this place many times. You can't
tell me you don't know how to get out of here."
"You can't escape Kiddo, it's just not possible. Even if you
managed to get out of the building, there's no where you can run
that they can't find you." So freedom was just an illusion?
I wouldn't accept it. "I'm just one person Al. Why should
they go through so much trouble over me? Okay, so they think
I'm special or something. I don't know why and I don't care
anymore. I just want out of here. They've hurt me for the last
time."
Al shook his head. "You don't know what it's like, what
they'll do to you if you try to escape."
"I've already tried, you know that. They haven't done anything
to me."
"That's because you haven't really tried. Kiddo, I'm not going
to help you for your own good."
I read in-between the lines. "You've tried?"
"I haven't always been complacent here."
He wasn't going to get off with a simple answer like that. "I
thought falling in love changed all that for you?"
"I didn't fall in love until many years later." He seemed to
be off in another world.
He shrugged and tried to fill in the silence that had come
between us. "I had a daughter once." He spoke as if he had
just answered a question.
While I cared about Al I didn't really see where this was
leading. I didn't want to ask him about her. I began wondering
yet again why people always confided in me. "We all had a
family at one time."
He wasn't put off by my response at all. "You asked me once
why I called you Kiddo. It's just that you remind me very much
of her, I always called her Kiddo, even after she got married
and had kids of her own." A single tear rolled down his cheek.
This was the most sad I've ever seen this blithe man.
I couldn't help feeling bad for him. I could tell there was
great loss there. "Al, what happened?"
He was reluctant. I wanted to urge him on but I knew I
shouldn't push him, he would tell me in his own way and time. He
gathered up his strength, patted my hand that I had placed
sportingly on his shoulder and finally spoke. "The bastards
kidnapped my daughter, right in front of me. We were driving
down a rural road not too far from here. It was just her and me
coming back from a father daughter dance, when my car
conveniently got a flat. While I was taking care of the tire a
couple of them had rushed the car. They already had the door
open and were dragging her out before I knew what was happening.
They disappeared off into the woods before I could even round
the car.
"I chased after them, but they were too far ahead and it was
too dark. I managed to get back to the car fixed the tire and
drove to the nearest phone to call the police. They called me
crazy when I told them how fast the kidnappers had moved. "The
police searched the forest. However, there was no sign of the
kidnappers, not even a broken branch besides the ones I made.
They filed her away, saying they would keep an eye out for her.
They damn near ordered me a psychological evaluation for all the
ranting and raving I was doing. Too bad they didn't, then all
that might not have happened."
"All what?" I prompted when he had stopped.
He seemed more hesitant to tell me the next part of his story.
"I was obsessed with finding her. My wife had died years before
and she was the only thing I had. She was my jewel. I called
her husband. Luckily, he didn't think I was crazy and he
brought up some camping supplies. So we set out in separate
directions to cover more ground. We both had walkie-talkies to
keep in touch. We did for the first few days. Soon he was out
of range and I ran out of extra batteries. I thought about
turning back but I had found something. "It was just a
barrette, could have been anybody's. I thought it looked like
the one she had worn. I kept moving east and then I hit pay
dirt two days later. It was a piece of her dress I was sure of
it. It was all ratted and muddy but it was the same pattern. I
couldn't call my son-in-law and I had no clue as to where I was.
The map I had didn't cover this area.
"I didn't care about either, I was renewed and excited so I
pressed on. A day later I had been out of food for almost two
days. I had just breached the crest of a hill on the outside of
the forest, so you could imagine how excited I was to see the
small town down in the valley. I ran all the way down hill in
my soiled clothes straight into the first building I came to.
Just my luck it was a library. I didn't care. I shoved the
picture of my daughter into every person's face. Not one had
seen her and not one offered any assistance at all. I ran out
of there and into the bank next door. The guard nearly
clobbered me when I ran in. He had to pin me down and keep me
there until I calmed a little. By this time I guess the word
got around the small town and the sheriff showed up. They had
settled me in an office and given me food and water while I
explained myself.
"As soon as I mentioned the speed that the people had kidnapped
her the Sheriff gave a sidelong glance to the couple people
around the room. At the time I thought he was sharing a knowing
glance thinking I was crazy, but after I finished talking he
proved me wrong. He handed me another glass of water and said,
'I understand what you've been through, but you just forget
about finding your daughter, there's no hope of getting her
back.'"
Al paused again to get a hold of himself. This was obviously a
hard retelling for him. "I inquired as to why, and the sheriff
just said 'Vamp's got her.' Then he stood and left. One of the
girls in the bank got me situated into the only hotel. She
explained that they would help me get back to the city tomorrow
but I should stay in my room the whole night. I tried to get
out of her more information, but she wouldn't talk. I stayed in
my room the whole night, not really sure why. I wasn't afraid
of anything, except for my daughter, and the Sheriff's deathly
tone when he said 'Vamp's got her.' I wasn't even sure what
that meant. I didn't correlate vamp with vampire. At worst I
thought he was talking about a gang or something.
"I stayed in my room, but I didn't sleep, not one wink, I just
stared out the window at the spooky little town. No lights were
on in any of the buildings down the main street. It was as if
the town died after sundown. There was one building, however,
that had lights on about half a mile from the edge of town. I
couldn't see if there was anything special going on there, but
it did make me curious. I watched as just before daybreak the
lights in the town went on and the lights in that building went
off, almost as if they were connected to the same switch
inversely. I was curious. I packed up my things paid the bill
at the desk and started walking in that direction.
"I was almost out of town when an elderly gentleman, about as
ragged looking as I felt then, stopped me with a warning, 'You
don't want to go there.'
"'Why not?' I demanded of him.
"He didn't shrink back. 'Vamps live there.'
"'Vamps?' I inquired.
"'Vampires.' Well, cleared that up and I did hesitate. It
would explain the strange inactivity in the town at night. I
wasn't quite sure I believed him. He seemed sincere enough. The
old codger saw he had struck a nerve. 'Heed my warning son.
Those are some people you don't want to mess with.'
"I heard him but I didn't listen, I was on a one way road. 'My
daughter...' I muttered.
"'She's gone, forget about her.' He said as he took my arm and
tried to turn me back to the town. I wouldn't, couldn't let
that happen. I broke from his weak grip and made a run for the
building. He tried to trip me up with his walking stick. I
flew over it without noticing.
"It took me three minutes to reach the building; fastest I ever
ran a half mile in my life. I burst through the doors without
worrying or caring. I drew the gun that I had carried with me
and moved slowly from there. Logically I knew a gun was no good
against vampires but I wasn't thinking logically. The building
was dark, the only light coming from the open door behind me. I
moved cautiously forward. There was no one in sight as I moved
several chambers inward and my eyes had begun to adjust to the
dark, just in time for me to detect movement to my left.
Distracted by that I had no idea I was about to be attacked on
my right.
"I awoke when my head was dunked several times into the stream
and then I was pushed down in front of the King. 'Brave man.'
He spoke casually while considering me. 'Come to take on our
entire gens just to rescue your daughter. Very noble.' He
didn't give me a chance to say anything. My head had hardly
cleared for me even to understand what he was saying. 'Well, no
need to worry about her, she is here, and in perfect health.'
That, I did understand. I don't know how I did it, I gathered
enough strength to rise and embrace her. She muttered something
about it being wrong for me to try to save her. I didn't care.
She was in my arms. 'How touching.' The King said in that
mocking tone of his. Then to someone else he commanded. 'Take
them both back to the servant's quarters. Make sure he
understands what will be expected of him.' With that we were
pushed back here and I became an unwilling servant of the
vampires."
There was a tone of finality to Al's voice but there were
things left unanswered. "Unwilling? That doesn't sound like
you."
He shrugged again. "Well Kiddo, you've already experienced one
reason to stay. Besides after you've been here as long as I
have, you stop trying to escape and just accept this as a way of
life."
I nodded as I've only just begun to understand what he was
talking about. "What about your daughter? Where is she?" He
had been folding clothes while we talked and he stopped folding
a shirt. It didn't look like he would resume anytime soon. "Oh,
I'm sorry Al. I didn't mean-"
"No." He stopped me with a wave and put the shirt down. "I've
told you this much, I might as well finish the story. Besides
there's a moral to it that you might learn from. My daughter
and I were less than happy living here. We were a bit of
trouble makers ourselves. Like I said, you're much like my
daughter. In fact a couple of the things you tried, she had
already found futile. After nearly a year of captivity, she had
discovered a map of the entire building. She had superb mental
control, so she was able to keep it a secret even from me for a
couple of days while she planned our escape.
"She had me unknowingly fashion a couple of spears out of some
old firewood they had laying around. She had told me they were
for the posts of a bed. That was just a cover for the vampires
if they happened to read my mind. A week later she made me grab
the spears and without a word dragged me through the halls
running as fast as we could. At first we managed to keep out of
sight and got all the way to the first set of doors. She took
her spear and motioned to me to follow suite. I did and we
rammed both of the guards at that door. She broke the spears in
half knowing we'd encounter more trouble. We left the vampires
in their unconscious state at the door. I was in a mad furry
and didn't even know who they were until the next day.
"We ran for our lives, after all that was exactly what it was.
This was no game we were in, though I'm sure the vampires
thought it was fun. We reached the second set of guards, but
they were already on to us and we weren't quick enough with our
weapons. I was thrown against the wall and knocked unconscious,
but my daughter..." He stopped and made a cross over his heart.
"May she rest in peace. She escaped all right, the same way
you've tried, but she actually made it. They drained her on the
spot. She put up a gallant fight from what I heard. She had
broken a piece of glass and sliced one of the vampire's necks,
almost took his head, but she wasn't that lucky. While she was
doing that, the other one attacked her, made her suffer too. My
poor, poor baby. My head was just clearing as she slumped to
the ground. I rushed to her, but it was too late. There was
nothing I could do except pray that God take care of her up
there, for she couldn't be in hell, otherwise she'd still be
here with us.
"They dragged me back to the slave court without a fight. They
just dropped me off here knowing I wouldn't give them any more
trouble, and I never have. I complied after that, I didn't have
any will anymore, I just did as I was told and tried to enjoy
it. Then you came along, and you've given me hope once more.
Not only of freedom, but for a better life for the slaves."
"I haven't helped the slaves one bit." I protested.
"No?" He asked in that simple way of his. "That Jukebox, and
the pool table, how long did it take you to convince the
vampires to bring them in? It took Dr. Norling two years, which
included extensive testing and research, to convince the
vampires that we needed workout equipment to maintain our
stamina and health. Two months after we received the equipment
they killed him and Dr. Wendel was brought in."
"So? Bram's a little higher up on the hierarchy chart, that
doesn't mean I have done anything special."
"Not to mention the fact that you have helped our moral. I
hear you're a very good listener and give decent to good
advice." He smiled warming to the list he was making. A list I
was just beginning to tire of. "Then there's all the equipment
you've been helping to fix-"
"All right Al. I get the picture. So I've helped here and
there. I thought that's what us slaves were here for."
"To help the vampires, yes, but not other slaves. What I'm
trying to say is, you've improved our lives, given us a little
hope. And even if you aren't here tomorrow, we'd still be
better off than if you've never been here at all."
I appreciated the sentiment. I really did, yet there was
something else in that statement, and for that matter in his
story, as if he was trying to tell me something.
Then it hit me, "Who were the guards you stabbed."
"Guess."
"Keir?"
"The same. He seems to have never forgiven me for it. He
still thinks I might try it again. To tell the truth since
you've come around he's gotten worse because you remind me of my
daughter. Keir believes this might incite me to try to escape
again. He reminds me who is in charge from time to time."
"I suppose I haven't helped your case since I'm always wanting
out."
"It's all right Kiddo. Sometime I think he's right. You give
me fresh hope for freedom. As much as I have grown to accept my
place here I still wouldn't mind the freedom that I used to
enjoy."
Keep dreaming. "I don't know Al, after the last month I'm not
sure it's worth it."
"I know it's hard to draw the line on how much your freedom is
really worth. In the end you're the only one who can decide
that." He had picked up a hamper of folded clothes. I did too
and followed him to the closets.
Along the way something popped into my mind and I asked, "Why
do you suppose the town never called the army or something?"
"I have since learned that the town leaders have an agreement
with the King. The vampires purchase all of their needs, fresh
food, clothes, and the like from them giving that town a decent
profit margin. In return they keep mum about us. If they
called in any authorities the vamps would rush in and kill every
last person in town."
"But what if it's daytime?"
"Doesn't matter the army wouldn't respond that fast"
"They would if it were a real threat."
"Yes a 'real' threat. Remember how the police treated me? The
army would never believe them. If they were lucky they'd send
an investigator but by the time they got there all they would
find is a town hit by a plague and no vampires."
"Surely they can't control everyone. Someone could leave the
town and prove it."
"No, the vampires make it very clear that no one but a select
few even know about them and they're not allowed to leave town."
"But I thought everyone knew. No one would help you."
"You have to understand the people in that town are paranoid.
They don't really know why but they have their peace and like to
keep it that way. I was a stranger acting erratically. Everyone
was too afraid to talk to me. They probably thought I was one
of 'those' they had been warned about."
"So they're oppressed too? They're as much slaves as we are,
they just aren't aware of it."
"I'm afraid so."
Al had nothing more to offer and I left him more depressed than
when I went to see him. If he was right, there really was no
hope left.
Nate laid down his cards. "Two pair. Tens and threes." I
turned over my cards. All I had was a pair of kings. Nate
gleefully collected his chips. I didn't care one way or
another. This game was just a distraction that was failing in
its task to take my mind off what Al said.
"Your mind doesn't seem to be in the game." Chuck observed.
"Huh?" I asked. I was watching the crowd.
"You don't normally lose that badly."
"Huh?" I asked again. This time I had understood him I just
didn't realize what it meant.
"Give it up." Nate told Chuck. "She's been this way since she
got out."
"You in?" Jean asked me.
I hadn't been aware that everyone had already anted. "Yeah." I
threw in a white chip. Cards were dealt to me but I didn't pick
them up. I watched a vampire move about the court.
It was Victoria, one who was not known for her gentleness and
yet she wasn't half as cruel as some of the others. At least I
didn't think so until that night. As I watched, I feared she
was coming for me. About 3/4 of the way she changed her course
and bent over a fairly new slave, Brandy. I watched as the poor
girl turned pale when Victoria bent down and whispered to her.
My throat clenched and my heart thumped. I was afraid for
Brandy.
"Toni!" Jean snapped. I came back to my senses and questioned
her with a glimpse. "It's fifteen to you." I panicked I hadn't
even looked at my cards. I quickly glanced over the three red
and two black not really comprehending them then started
grappling at my chips.
It was then that a scream pierced the low hum of the room and
all became silent except for Brandy's struggling protestations.
We all turned to see what was happening.
Victoria pinned Brandy to the table by one hand while she bit
into the slave's wrist. As bites go it was not too severe but
this was all a fairly new experience to Brandy. She freaked
out. She pushed the vampire, hollered for help and tried
yanking her arm away, all at the same time. I wanted to rush
over and help her. I could imagine what she was going through.
The fear of the vampire attacking her was nothing compared to
the feeling of hopelessness as no one would come to her aid. I
of all people knew what kind of despair that situation created.
Now I learned a new type of despair as I found myself torn
between wanting to alleviate her pain and humiliation and
keeping myself from being torn to pieces. I knew I could not
help her. Physically I was no match for a vampire. While it
might make her feel better now my feeble attempt at saving her
would not do Brandy or myself any good. It reminded me of that
time I tried to help Al when Keir attacked him.
My blood boiled as I watched. I couldn't look away. Since I
couldn't save her I would do that much. I silently vowed that I
would avoid Victoria if at all possible. I crushed the cards I
held in my hand.
"You don't like being tied down do you?" A voice said softly
beside me. I recognized it immediately.
"No mistress." I whispered.
"The lack of control frustrates you. You need to act but are
denied. You struggle to break those bonds but they become
tighter."
"You're describing my entire life."
"You can break free. You have learned from Keir that if you
don't struggle the control will be returned to you. That is
what she is learning now." Kama breathed in my ear. "No gun,
no knife can save her. Not even if everyone in this room stood
up against the vampire could she be saved. Only if she lets go
and gives in, will she be saved. If others try to interfere now
she will not learn this lesson."
"But what if she doesn't learn quickly. She'll die."
"Doesn't she wish to die?"
"Probably. If it's the only way to truly be free."
"I think she might learn to appreciate her captivity as well as
the freedom it provides."
"Are we talking about her or me?" Finally I turned to look up
to her. She was gone. She had been there, hadn't she? It
wasn't my imagination. I turned to Nate to ask him but he still
watched Victoria and Brandy.
At this point Victoria left Brandy shaking on the table. As if
let loose by a latched spring I rushed to her side. I took hold
of her face and shushed her giving her comforting words like "It
will be all right" even though I didn't believe them. She
stared back at me and I knew she didn't believe them either. Her
eyes reflected the fear I had once felt in her position and my
heart welled over with pity for her. Nate too had come to her
aid and together we lifted her small frame and rushed her to the
infirmary. I had a feeling of déjà vu and tried to remember who
it was that carried me to the infirmary after Heremon's initial
attack. I came up blank.
I attempted to hang around. Dr. Wendel wouldn't allow it. He
sent me away before I could even get a word out. I wanted to
explain to her what I had gone through. She might find solace
in knowing that she wasn't alone and that it wasn't always going
to be that way. I also felt responsible. I should have tried
to help her. What if I could have found a way to stop Victoria.
Would I have gotten up the nerve had Kama not distracted me? I
would never know now. I had lost that opportunity because I had
been too afraid.
I sat sulking again in the closet. I had to sort out these
feelings. I wanted to act and couldn't. I wanted to die and
couldn't. What was I to do? Live in misery the rest of my life?
It doesn't take a genius to realize that Kama knew escape was
on my mind and was trying to avert it. There was someone else
who knew about this and had his own reasons for doing what he
was about to do.
I felt a presence. Someone else was in the closet with me.
There were no sounds like a door opening, no movement of the
air. I just had a feeling. I previously had my eyes closed. I
now opened them to check.
My eyes took a moment to adjust back to the darkness. When
they did, I found I was indeed not alone. "So this is where you
hide? Not exactly the luxury suite." There was a lanky man
with shoulder length light brown hair sitting before me on the
boxes. He was examining the vacuum cleaner before him.
I backed up into the corner when I didn't recognize him. He
was definitely not a slave, nor any vampire that I had seen.
"Who... who are you?"
"Ah yes, my manners! We have yet to meet I suppose. You may
call me Velren." He said as if I should recognize the name
instantly and it explain the world to me.
Still troubled by his appearance I had the urge to break for
the door. If he meant me harm it would be easy for him to keep
me from leaving through it. What would he do if I yelled for
help? Yet he wasn't focused on me. He leisurely looked about
the closet. He now held a rag. He examined it back and front
then tossed it aside, took a second rag and did the same thing.
There wasn't much of a treacherous air about him. He was more a
mystery than anything else right at the moment. I couldn't help
noticing his disarming, handsome, distinguished countenance,
like that of an English aristocrat.
I couldn't image how he entered without my noticing. It's like
he appeared out of thin air. "Are you... Real?" I asked and
poked his knee. It was solid enough.
"Don't be absurd. I'm as real as everything you perceive about
you."
"Um..." While I could debate for hours over what was real in
the universe I decided not to. "What do you want?"
"To help." He said simply then examined a bottle of cleaning
fluid.
I watched him for another moment then asked, "Are you going to
elaborate, or clean a window?"
"You wish to leave this place." He said as he put the bottle
down and finally concentrated on me.
"Yes." I prompted. It spooked me a little that someone I
didn't even know knew that about me. Perhaps he was a vampire
and could read my mind.
"I can help." He said again.
"Help how?"
He picked up another rag placed it over his hand and when he
pulled it away there was a small vile in it. The substance in
it looked like water but I had a feeling it wasn't. "This will
make any vampire sleep that is within 15 feet of the release
point."
"And how am I supposed to get that close without them seeing me
and without me being affected?"
"That is something you must determine." I took the vile and
looked at it curiously. It was definitely not something that
had been in the closet. Perhaps he had carried it in with him.
But where did he come from? I was about to ask when I looked up
to where he should have been. He was gone. I turned around in
the small space that was the closet. There was no where for him
to have gone, unless he went out the door without me noticing. I
opened the door and stood there staring at the slave court.
There was not one person out of place, no one that looked like
this man who called himself Velren.