Leaving the Light By: Christine Schnell

 Chapter 38



	I spent days deciphering the manual for the dog, trying to find
where exactly I went wrong with the mechanics.  Oh, he could
walk and move about, just not naturally.  I had my work cut out
for me if I ever was to make him realistic.  Keir had believed,
correctly, that the King wished for a companion, but not of a
human kind.  A dog was what he yearned for most.  However, it
was nearly impossible to have a live dog in this environment.  A
small toy robodog would not do, not for the King he must have a
hound.  He wanted a companion and watchdog.  So Keir had done
some research and found a kit for an all-terrain military hound
that was designed for surveillance and hauling equipment.  	

	Theoretically this dog could walk up jagged hills with large
bundles on its back.  However, this particular one could hardly
take one step up a staircase.  The military kit, to my
disappointment, was not like a realistic looking animal, thus my
need for the fur to hide some of its less aesthetically pleasing
aspects, like its metal body.  The head was designed to hold
sensors and a camera, not teeth and a brain, so it looked more
like a football.  I was intrigued to see that it had a tail and
learned this was for balance, just like the real thing.

	Surprisingly I had fallen in love with the idea from the
beginning.  To work on something like this has always interested
me.  I had many plans for improving this little guy.  Little,
ha, he weighed more than me at that point, and was bigger than
most dogs I had seen.  Along with mechanical improvements, I
would need to make his energy source more efficient and work on
his processing speed.  I really wanted to add more personality
to him too, but that wasn't my department.  It was the Master of
all Thing's.

	Speaking of whom, while I sat reading I looked up when I heard
my named called.  I had to blink several times to process what I
was seeing and wondered if it was real.  Wen was walking through
the slave court with a woman on his arm.  Gwen waved happily at
me and kissed Wen on the cheek.  "Well, I'll be damned."

	I excitement filled me and I wanted to write it all down for
prosperity.  Then I remembered I didn't have a journal any
longer nor could I start a new one.  I have a moment of
happiness and Keir with his over stretching reach crushes it. 
Fortunately, while I couldn't write about it I could talk about
it and Lacey who saw the whole thing rushed up to me and patted
my back.  "That second letter you sent did the trick." 

	"Jesus Lacey!  Be careful!"  I yelled as I turned away from
her. 

	"I'm sorry, I guess it's not better yet, huh?" 

	"I guess not."  I said through gritted teeth.  My shirt was now
sticking to my back where she slapped it.  More wounds were
probably infected and she opened them.  I wished the King would
let Doc Wendel do something about it.  In the meantime I
answered her.  "I didn't send another letter."

	"Really?  Gwen said it was better than the first and wanted me
to thank you."  Wow, I guess Wen had it in him after all.  "Oh
and Miss. Kama would like to see you as soon as it's convenient
for you."  There was something not right in her voice.  Was she
upset at me for some reason?

	"What's wrong?"

	"Nothing."  She said sharply.  Trying to distract herself she
picked up the heavy manual and looked at the pictures.

	I took the book from her.  "No something is.  You're not
jealous over Kama are you?"

	"Don't be ridiculous."  I wasn't sure if I was or not.

	"Then what?"

	"What's done is done, there's nothing I can do."

	"Lacey, you're making less sense than normal."

	"This."

	"This what?"

	"This monstrosity you've unleashed on us." 

	"The dog?  He won't hurt anything."

	"See you've already made it male."

	"Lacey, I don't understand you didn't seem to have a problem
with this before."

	"That's when I thought you wouldn't complete it and realize how
dumb this whole thing is."

	"I'm still not following."

	"Just go see Miss. Kama."

	Oh great.  She stomped off more upset.  "What'd I do?"

***

	I entered Mistress Kama's room a little nervous.  Not because
of how she would treat me, but because for the first time I was
willing to give myself to her freely and I wanted to do it
right.  So I fell to my knees and waited for her to tell me what
to do.

	To my astonishment she placed a finger under my chin and
lifted.  She kept lifting until I was on my feet and looking her
in the eye.  "You do not ever need to do that for me.  Do you
understand?"  

	"Yes, Mistress."  I said softly.  Obviously I was confused.  I
mean, that was exactly how she told me to act to her and the
King.  Did she not want me to placate her?  She pulled me into
an embrace.  It wasn't a normal hug.  She was protecting me and
if I wasn't mistaken giving me some of her energy, some of her
strength.  I certainly felt better while in her arms.  Perhaps I
even felt a little confident.  I do not know if that was the
key, the thing that made me decide I would forever be attached
to this woman, but it certainly helped.

	I wanted to show her this.  How I had come to re-accept her
into my life.  There was only one way I could think of.  I
brought my face around to hers.  Her breath was sweet and her
soft red lips very inviting.  I parted them with my own.  

	For a brief second she gave into the kiss then pushed me away
from her.  "I do not wish to take advantage of your susceptible
state."

	No!  I can not handle her refusal of me.  Without her I had no
one that would treat with respect and protect me.  "But I wish
to serve you."

	"You're not thinking straight."

	"I am.  For the first time, I am.  I realize I can't fight. 
I've lost.  There's nothing more I can do.  I must serve as I'm
told."

	She placed a soothing hand on my cheek.  It felt as if it could
revitalize my cracked and dilapidated skin.  "Now I know you
aren't thinking right."

	"Mistress, don't refuse me now.  Please, let me serve you.  I
have wronged you in the past let me make up for it."

	"I'll tell you what you can do for me."

	"Anything."  I anxiously awaited her command, and I meant every
word I had said.

	"Finish your list."

	"My list?"

	"Yes the one you were going to write for me before all this."

	"Oh."  I said dejected.

	"I thought you were ready to do anything."

	"I was... It's just..."  I couldn't admit to her that I could
think of nothing good about myself, especially now after failing
at everything.

	"You can and you will.  Sit."  The command wasn't harsh.  She
ushered me to her plush chair and set a pad of paper in my lap.

	I didn't want to write.  It felt sinful to put pen to paper. 
At least with Wen's love letter I was able to dictate.  Every
time I thought about writing something I'd remember Kier's sneer
and his remonstrations when I handed him my journal and
intentionally left out some of my story notes.  Apparently
supervised writing meant in front of him.

	What would he do now if he knew the content of this list?  It
was after all as close to journal writing as I could get.  Would
Kama protect me from his wrath?

	"Just write."  She snapped.

	"Five good things about myself?"

	"Five things you like about yourself."

	Quickly I thought of one.  "Loyalty.  I'm loyal to the vampires
now."

	Her eyes flared.  Okay, that's right, that was like the ones I
had before, an answer to an interview question.  Not to mention,
I wasn't sure I liked that.  I thought harder.  "I have a good
sense of humor."  Well, at least I thought I did.

	She smiled at this.  I think I was on the right track.  "Write
it down."

	My pen wouldn't move.  Was it because of Keir, or was it
because I didn't have confidence in myself?  Ah, what the hell. 
I was used to Keir's wrath.  With a flurry I wrote it and all of
a sudden I felt better.  I felt like I had gotten something off
my chest.  I wrote a second line, one that was easier to come
by.  "I'm a good listener."  This had always been true and I
liked listening to people tell me their problems then try to
help them.  So I wrote; "I like to help others."  No, I couldn't
put that.  I haven't helped anyone.  Other than myself, the last
person I tried to help got her head chopped off.  I started to
cross it off and Kama put her hand on mine.  

	"Wen Su."  She said.  I knew what she meant, but it wasn't
really like I was helping him get the girl, I was trying to get
something out of him.  "Leave it."  

	I didn't say anything, but I didn't scratch it off either.  I
started to write the next line, "I..."  Then I drew a complete
blank.  I needed two more things.  I needed ideas.  "Come on,
use your imagination."  I prompted myself and immediately
realized that was it!  "I'm creative."

	I went blank again.  Maybe I wasn't as creative as I thought. 
I watched Kama for inspiration.  She played with her hair as she
waited for me.  She wasn't exactly the perfect role model. 
Without thinking I wrote: "I am honest."  Oh sure, I lie against
my will like with Mona.  However, I do not intentionally deceive
others.  "A unique quality in this place."  I handed her the
paper.  She took one look at the last line, grimaced for only a
second and said, "There, that wasn't that hard was it?"

	"You wanna make a bet?"  I let out a deep breath.

***

	A few days later I was feeling a little down.  In a few hours I
had to fulfill an assignment I wasn't thrilled about.  It was
the first time I was to be with Heremon alone since he came to
the Queen's room.  Before that I would have to deal with the guy
who sat down beside me.  "Hi Toni, I need your advice."  Paul
said.

	It was the third one in so many days.  I began to wonder if I
hadn't told Mistress Kama that I liked to help people would they
be showing up on my doorstep now?  I grinned at him and hoped it
didn't look too fake.  "You see, I'm not really suited to do the
dishes."

	"I'm sure they assigned you that for a reason."  I said.

	"Couldn't you use your influence with them or something to
change it?"

	"Influence?  If I had any influence around here do you think I
would have been whipped?"

	"Well, no but after that the King accepted your gift."

	"He accepted it yes, but have you noticed anything getting
better around here 'cause I sure haven't."

	"That's just it.  I'm doing dishes full time now and I used to
deliver packages."  He smiled a little.

	"Yeah, so?"

	"I don't see any female vampires while I'm doing the dishes."

	Oh lord!  I almost asked about the male vampires, but I didn't
really want to know.  "Well, maybe the perfume from the soap
will attract the ladies for you."

	Paul laughed halfheartedly.  "Yeah, maybe.  Thanks anyway."  He
stuck out a hand and I shook it, then he pulled me close as if
to hug me.  "Listen."  He said in my ear.  "What I really wanted
to know was what you were planning next."

	"Next?"  I asked.

	"Yeah, your next escape, some of us want to help."

	I brushed him off me.  "There's not going to be another escape."

	At that moment I felt a hand on my shoulder and all the blood
flowed out of Paul's face.  "That's right, there will be no more
escape attempts."  A voice said behind me.  I knew that voice
and I'm sure the blood left my face and went into my stomach.  I
felt a need to vomit.  "You were conspiring against the King
again."  Heremon declared for all to hear.

	I tried to turn to him, but all I could do is turn my head a
little and see his profile out of the corner of my eye.  "No. 
No.  I wasn't.  He asked, but-"

	"Toni!"  Paul, I think, feared for his life at my confession.

	"Go."  Heremon told him.  Paul high tailed it out of there.

	"I was going to tell him I didn't-"

	"That you didn't have a plan yet.  You will soon regret this." 
Heremon started to pull me along the court.

	"No, really, you can read minds, I-"

	"SILENCE!"  He yelled and there was silence from everyone and
everything except the ticking of a timer in the kitchen.

	He pulled me along with no further resistance to his room. 
There he released me and started laughing.  I stood wondering if
he was going mad or if it was just me.  "You should see the look
on your face and that boy you were talking to.  Now that was
priceless."  It hit me then.  Erik and I were not the only
practical jokers here.  "Oh, it wasn't just a joke, I assure
you."  He held his stomach as his laughter died off.  "No one
there will approach you about escaping again."

	"I see."  

	"Take a seat."  I sat.  He was cordial almost too much so.  At
any second I expected him to rip my chest open like he did the
first time he drank from me.  Instead he said; "Kama's done a
superb job on you."

	"Huh?"

	"In training you to be obedient."  He noticed my shocked and
betrayed expression.  "You didn't think the King would let you
spend so much time with her if she had other intentions do you? 
If so you are more ignorant than any of us took you for."

	It had crossed my mind that she was getting an unusual amount
of time with me.  She had hardly used it to make me more
obedient in fact she seemed upset at how compliant I've been.

	"You have fallen into her trap.  She has manipulated you into
trying harder to please her.  I assure you I know her better
than nearly anyone here.  She cares for one thing, and it's not
sex."

	I could imagine several things she cared for but I couldn't
imagine what he was talking about.  "What?"

	"The same thing most of us are struggling for; power."

	I laughed.  I couldn't help it.  I mean sure she likes the
power she has over individuals like Lacey, but more than that? 
I couldn't believe Mistress Kama would want that much
responsibility.  After all she wasn't the one making special
trips to see the Queen.  "Do not laugh at me!"  I shut up
immediately.  I didn't really want to piss him off.  "You will
see in time what I say is true."  All I saw that night was that
he still hadn't forgiven me for everything I'd done to him, even
as I made myself a most humble and obedient slave.  He at least
didn't hurt me.

***

	I didn't have that hard of a time believing him.  After all
Mistress Kama was a dishonest, manipulative, liar.  Not to
mention that she was a murderer too.  Even so, I liked her
better than him.  Mistress Kama has made an effort to make me
happy where as Heremon was still doing the power trip thing like
what he just pulled in the slave court.  He was right though.  I
shouldn't trust any of them.  I should just serve and try to
live out the rest of my life here as peacefully as possible.

	That, however, wasn't as easy as it sounded.  While I thought
the King had released me from constant observation I often
caught vampires or other slaves watching me.  Paul was still
stuck on dish duty.  The pool table had been removed long ago as
well as the jukebox and game tables.  So there was little for us
to do recreation wise.  They gave us more work to occupy our
time.  I was no longer assigned to Kama, or any of the others
that I could sit with for a while and just talk.  

	I wasn't really sure at first why this was happening.  I mean,
like Heremon had said, I had become more obedient and my
thoughts hadn't even leaned in the direction of escape or
suicide.  I wasn't exactly happy, but I tolerated my new role.  

	It wasn't until Lacey started shaking me awake that I realized
the truth.  "Toni, wake up, you're doing it again."

	"Doing what?"

	"Talking in your sleep."

	I was talking?  No, I was just dreaming.  It was a very good
dream.  Bram and I were walking hand in hand along a beach.
Then...  Hmm, I couldn't remember what happened next.  "What did
I say?"

	"Something that wasn't suitable for my ears."  She humphed as
if she were jealous, or was she just still upset with me?

	"How many times have I done this?"

	"Quite a few in the last week."

	"Really?"  I didn't remember having any dreams at all the last
week.  Was it possible that someone was making me forget them? 
No, Bram had said they couldn't get into my dreams.  However, if
the King knew I had even dreamed about Bram, would that be
enough for him to become upset at me and thus renew his
monitoring of me?  

	No, I was just being paranoid.  It was late enough that I
decided I wasn't going back to sleep, so I left Lacey hoping she
could get a little more sleep without me there to wake her. 
Maybe she would be in a better mood when she woke.

	I went back to my computer room.  There I could work on the
schematics for the dog in peace.  

	It was too peaceful.  My mind wouldn't stay on my work.  It
kept wandering to different things.  What was Lacey's problem
with me?  Why was Mistress Kama trying to train me to be more
obedient?  Well, that was easily answered.  It was in her
nature, but was she just using me to gain preference with the
King?  When would Gwen collect her favor and what would it be? 
Why did they have guards at the doors at all when I tried to
escape?  Why didn't they just take control of my mind and stop
me before I got that far?  Where was Bram?  I hadn't seen hide
nor hair of him.  Did they send him away so he wouldn't tempt
me?  Why did he help me when he knew he would get in trouble for
it?  Why had I sworn to the King I wouldn't pursue him?  It
seems dumb now.  Now that the pain is mostly gone, there really
seemed no reason at all for me to have been afraid for him or me.

	There came a knock at the door interrupting my thoughts.  Gary
came in without me inviting him.  "I'll take that."  He said.

	"Take what?"

	"That paper you're writing on."

	I looked down at my hand.  Sure enough the back of a schematic
page was covered in words I didn't know I had written.  Randomly
over the paper were phrases like "Bram is innocent." and things
that I hadn't written since high school, "I {heart} Bram."

	"I...  I..."

	"Just give it to me."  He said a little more softly.  "And the
rest of your notes too."

	"But-"

	"I know."  He helped me gather the papers.  I now noticed along
with doodles in the margins were markings I didn't remember
making; Bram and my names and other comments.  "Come on."  Gary
headed for the door.

	I didn't ask where we were going.  I kind of knew already.  We
weren't even fully in the door when Keir pounced.  He grabbed a
hold of the papers and me.  He tossed me onto his sofa and
ripped some of the papers apart in his fury.  "You swore you
wouldn't write anymore."

	"I haven't written in my journal." 

	Keir shook the crumpled papers at me.  "This is as good as a
journal."

	"It's just a bunch of random thoughts."

	"Which is what you put in your journal.  Do not deny it."  I
didn't.  He was right.  I had unwittingly broken our deal and in
the worst possible way.  I didn't know what he would do.  It
wasn't like he could take the kit away from me.  The King was
already in possession of it.

	"Give me the key to the computer room."  My eyes bulged.  This
was the very last straw.  He took my sanctuary from me.  If he
took the clothes off my back I would have nothing left.  "He
should have killed you."  Keir snapped the key from my hand.

	I lowered my eyes from him.  I couldn't agree more.  

	I didn't sleep well on the floor that night.  It didn't have
anything to do with the fresh bruises Keir gave me.  My mind was
wandering more than it had earlier that day.  Keir took and
destroyed more than doodles.  Those were all of my notes on the
project.  I would have to start from scratch.  Without access to
the computers or access to the dog itself, it'd be an almost
impossible task.  Speaking of impossible tasks, as soon as I
think life might improve a minuscule amount something happens to
make it ten times worse.  I didn't mean to do these things.  Nor
did I mean for my mind to wander far enough to try to contact
Bram that night.  

	It was all his fault.  Had he not brought me here, I'd be in a
cozy bed, albeit alone, living my boring life.  I'd at least be
free and able to do whatever I like, whenever I like, dishes and
the whole lot included.  If he loved me, why would Bram ruin my
life so?  

	No, it wasn't intentional.  I'm sure he thought adding
excitement to my life would improve it.  I would have thought
so.  Actually, I still do.  

	I missed him.  I missed his cuddles.  I missed his ocean like
eyes.  I missed the comforting feeling of his presence above all
else.  To be denied him was like denying a Christian their
Virgin Mary statue to worship.  I felt an emptiness in me that
would have otherwise given me strength.  How could I have ever
sworn to give him up?

	Yet there was some part of me that didn't want to forget his
sins.  How he killed innocent people.  He had no control over
it, I knew.  No control, but he could still be dangerous.

	I could almost forgive him for that but not quite.  For I do
love him.  Yes, I do.  Does that love outweigh the wrong he's
done?  Can it blind me to the misdeeds such as murder?  I have
all but forgiven Kama.  Should he not be allowed the same
leeway?  The pain I've felt on his behalf to save him was only
temporary.  The love I felt, while different now, will always
remain.  Was it enough?  This is what kept me awake.  

	I cried, for my heart felt pangs that I never thought I could
get over.  There was only one way I could think to cure it.  I
needed to contact him.  I needed to feel his presence.  I knew I
couldn't be with him.  Just knowing he was somewhere near would
be good enough.

	For hours I lay awake.  I alternated between concentration and
relaxation.  I imagined his face, his body, and his mind.  I
pictured his room and a dozen other places he could be.  As
sleep overtook me I began to realize there was a reason I
couldn't feel him.  I was being blocked.  

	Yet again, they made sure I would never find happiness in this
place.     

***

	You know it's at the moments when life's got you down the most
that a curve ball is thrown at you.  I was in a broken down,
very susceptible state.  I was easily annoyed and just as easily
frightened into obeying the whim of every vampire.  I hadn't
quite given up on contacting Bram but a few quick inquiries told
me he had indeed been out of the building for some time.  No one
knew when he would return.  Not that it mattered.  Even when he
did I was sure that I wouldn't be allowed to see him.

	So I was unfazed when told to see Corbon.  However, as I
approached the door something felt wrong.  Or rather something
felt good, but it was the wrong feeling associated with Corbon. 
Just walking down the hall gave me a warm happy feeling.

	 This was explained when the door flung open right before I
could knock.  Without warning Bram embraced me so hard with all
of his love.  "Ouch!"  I yelped as he squeezed my back that was
still not completely healed.

	"I'm sorry I just..."  I placed a finger over his mouth.  I
didn't want to hear him apologize to me.

	Bram tried to kiss me.  I wanted him to.  Unfortunately, there
was a small matter we needed to address first.  So, I backed
off.  "I'm not ready for that yet Bram."

	"But-"

	"I missed you, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."

	"The deaths?"  I nodded.  "I've thought about that.  I will
find a way to stop.  I'll abstain from drinking all together if
I have to."

	"You'd do that?"

	"For you."

	I shook my head.  It was wrong.  If nothing else he should have
made that vow a long time ago as I'm sure he would have known
how I would feel about it.  However, I was in no mood and no
shape to argue about it.

	"You shouldn't be here."  I felt nervous all of a sudden.  The
King was no doubt monitoring this.  He must know we were
together.

	"It's okay."

	"No, it's not.  The King will be upset.  I promised I wouldn't
see you."

	"No you promised not to pursue me.  You haven't.  You had no
idea I'd be here.  I made no such promise."

	"That's just a loophole.  The King-"

	"The King will learn to deal with it."

	"He'll only make our lives more miserable."  I said down cast. 
I wanted to leave now.  This WAS wrong.

	 He kept me from leaving.  "I'll take care of it." 

	"But I thought...  Well, Keir said..."  I couldn't seem to put
a whole thought together.  

	"Do you believe everything Keir tells you?"

	"No."  I stopped myself.  When had Keir lied to me?  About the
closest he's come is when he called me ugly.  When he proved he
was not Lowell's murderer?  When he told me about Bram's
victims?  The words echoed in my head, "If it came down to your
life or his, it would be a simple decision for him"  

	"Yes."

	"Good."  He said with a smile and confused me.  "Because it was
Gary who told you I had been outcast wasn't it?"

	I started to argue then stopped myself again.  It was.  "How
did you know."

	"Just because you couldn't reach me doesn't mean I wasn't
watching over you."

	"All this time you were-"

	"Not all the time, just when I could."  He rubbed my cheek
lovingly.  "There were times I wanted to help."  His eyes left
mine in shame.  "I wasn't allowed to.  I'm sorry.  I tried to be
your hero and couldn't.  It's only made things worse for you."

	"It's okay.  You had no control and only I made things bad for
me.  After all I'm the one who swore I'd give you up."  I took
his hand.  "You are and always will be my hero."

	"What about the people I've murdered?"

	Why did he have to bring that up?  "If you can make the effort
to quit I can look past it.  Kind of have to as a slave to
vampires, don't I?"

	"No.  You are not my slave.  If you hate me for it, it's okay."

	"I don't hate you.  I never could."  Now, I felt it time for my
own apology.  "Bram I'm sorry..."

	"Don't start Toni.  I understand why you wanted to leave."  He
kissed me, this time I let him for it was just a peck.  "Never
be sorry that you did that.  It was the bravest thing you've
ever done.  Your luck just ran out.  You were brave too, when
you took the lashes."

	I lowered my eyes this time.  "I was a coward."  I had no
choice then and I was scared as hell when the whip hit my back.  

	"No, a coward would have pleaded the King to stop before it
started, not build up a wall against the pain.  A coward would
have kneeled down before the King and begged his forgiveness."

	"Bram..."  He wouldn't let me admit that I did do those things.

	"I know.  At that point it was understandable.  The King had
taken it too far.  When you apologized to him it was a different
story.  That was playing things strategically."

	"Bram..."  I had wished the pain upon him, upon the man I
loved.  Dare I tell him that I went before the King just to make
the pain stop?  Was that strategy?  I never imagined in my
wildest dreams that the King would allow me to be with Bram
again.

	"Toni," he stopped me again, "even if you don't believe it on
the surface.  It's there in your heart.  You did not betray me."
 He kissed me with all his stored up passion.  I fell into it
melting away, forgetting he ever hurt anyone, forgetting the
marks on my back and forgetting that I was a prisoner.  All that
mattered was his warm moist kiss.  Gently this time he embraced
me and brought me inside.  Never taking his lips from mine he
closed the door and set me down on the bed.  The kiss ended
softly and he wavered there centimeters from my face.  His warm
breath was scented with lush wine.  "Now take off your blouse
and lay down on your stomach, I have something for you."  

	I didn't argue.  The bed was comfortable and enveloped me in
the downed comforters.  He moved away for a bit and I heard him
rummaging a little.  Then he returned to my side and whispered
in my ear.  "Now be calm, this will be cold and painful at
first."  His words soothed, but not enough as he placed some
sort of gelatinous substance on my scars.  I whimpered loudly
and he shushed me.  "Calm."  He said slowly and deliberately
invading my mind forcing the calmness into me.  He applied more
and it stung, but not as much as when he started to rub it in. 
Even with his effort to soothe me I writhed in pain, almost more
from the memory of what Keir had done to me in the last few
weeks than from what was happening now.  

	Tears were streaking down my face as I remembered that night,
and then a flash back to the very first night Keir had raped me.
 Lord help me I was reliving that nightmare.  He breathed
heavily down on me.  He called me whore as he ripped apart that
very virtue.

	It was not the physical rape that bothered me so, but the rape
of my mind.  In a way the pain the King could inflict had
nothing on the emotional berating Keir gave me.  I felt lower
than scum.  I was worthless and should never have attempted to
think I could be worthy of his attention no matter how sadistic
it was.

	Unconsciously I noticed that Bram had stopped and was petting
my hair trying to calm me, but he was too late, Keir was there
in my mind.  I was being forced back into a corner.  I felt
small and weak.  Keir stood over me.  His very presence crushed
me.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't act.  He was in control of
everything and everything was nothing.

***

	I woke from a very deep sleep.  My back no longer hurt.  This
was astonishing because I hadn't realized that it had been
hurting constantly until the pain disappeared.  That no doubt
was one of the reasons I had been so edgy and unable to
concentrate recently.  Now I could at least think halfway
straight as I remembered what had happened.  

	I had those horrible memories, but they were more than
memories.  They felt real.  Keir had invaded my mind.  Right
then Kama entered.  She spoke a few words to Bram but I couldn't
hear her over my own shouting.  "Stop, please stop!"  Keir
wouldn't.  

	While Bram had tried to soothe me, Mistress Kama knelt down in
front of me.  My eyes were open but they weren't looking at her.
 She had spoken to me, trying to get me to recognize her and
calm down.  Still I didn't hear her.  They had turned me on my
side as I kept hiding my face in the pillows.  I went into a
fetal position.

	"I'm Kama, not Keir, focus on me."  She held my face towards
her and wiped my tears.  "Bram is here too.  Keir can't hurt
you."  Kama looked up to Bram who was still applying ointment to
my lower back.  

	Soon I felt the presence of someone else in my mind.  Well,
actually that's a little too strong of a term.  It was kind of
like there was someone across a noisy street trying to get my
attention.  In order for her to make contact she'd have to cross
a very dangerous street with speeding cars and rampaging rhinos.
 In the meantime Keir held me down and forced to do more vulgar
things at his bidding.  I watched with fascination as Kama
quickly made her way across the road without a scratch.  Keir
didn't even mind her, he swatted in her direction and she was
back on the other side.  Repeatedly she pushed her way through
jungle vines towards him and I pushed away from him.  She had
finally annoyed him enough that he set a fair amount of
attention on her while still holding me strongly in place.  

	This was when Bram chose to strike.  As if hitting him from
behind with a frying pan, Keir was stunned and released his grip
on me.  Bram slid me to the side and stood boldly between Keir
and me.  Kama too rushed between us.  Then Keir was gone.  My
mind was free.

	This was not the end of the ordeal.  A few moments later the
door burst open and Keir appeared in it.  A fight soon ensued. 
My eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't make out much.  I
saw a bunch of legs and arms flying all over the place.  I saw a
large white body fall to the ground and not get up.  I knew this
was Bram.  Mistress Kama physically was no match for Keir, even
as she clung to his back scratching and biting he lumbered
towards me.  As if dispensing of an annoying flea, he picked
Kama off his back and flung her to the ground.  

	He was on top of me.  I expected him to beat me, scold me and
then rape me.  Instead his sharp fangs, those I first noticed on
him flashed before my eyes.  A second later they were embedded
in my collar.  I screamed and thrashed but I too was no match
for him.  He didn't try to invade my mind.  He had only one
intention at that moment.  I believe he was about to drain me of
every last drop of my blood.  Fortunately that was when I went
unconscious.

	Remembering this much was strange.  While I felt drained, I was
not dead and Keir was no where to be seen.  Mistress Kama was
already there at my side.  She lifted me to a sitting position
and Bram moved in beside me.  "How are you feeling?"

	I wasn't sure what to tell him.  There were so many emotions
running through me at that moment I couldn't choose just one. 
"What happened?  Where's Keir?"

	Bram's cheeky smile told me I'd be all right.  He nonchalantly
picked a splinter of wood from the bed sheets.  "I knocked him
out with the coffee table."  I looked about me there wasn't
really a table anymore just pieces of one.  "He won't be coming
back."  Bram took hold of my hand.  I felt stronger already.

	Kama had been tending to my bite wound, cleaning it of excess
blood in the typical vampire way.  Her tongue tickled my neck
and I almost laughed.  The situation was too serious for it. 
"He was going to kill me."  I knew this.  I felt it as my blood
flowed out of me.

	"You know I wouldn't let that happen."

	I did but...  "Why now?  Why didn't they kill me before?  They
killed Al's daughter when she tried to escape and she didn't
even kill one of them.  I don't understand!"  I wanted to throw
something but I could hardly fling one of the sticks off the bed.

	"Keir only wants to see you dead now because he thinks you will
block him from becoming king."  

	I still didn't understand.  I looked to Miss. Kama for a better
explanation.  She had stopped her grooming and watched Bram. 
Bram had turned serious and looked deeply into my eyes.  "The
King has decided you will become one of us."

	"What!?"  I gripped the sheets so hard I thought they would
rip.  Miss. Kama held me down.  It couldn't be true.  It
couldn't.  I looked at her and she nodded once.  It was true.

	"I'm going to get in trouble by telling you this but I feel you
should know."  He stood and paced back and forth.  "Toni, there
is a prophecy about you."

	"Bram."  Kama warned.

	"She has the right to know.  We've held it from her too long as
it is."  He snapped back at her.  Then after a moment he calmed
himself.  "That prophecy is what the King fears.  He prophesied
that there is a woman who will kill him.  He has had a vision
that woman is you."

	"That's ridiculous.  Why, how, would I kill him?  More so why
would this block Keir, I would think it would be better for him.
 He's next in line isn't he?"

	Bram shook his head.  "I'm afraid I can't explain everything to
you.  Not yet.  The King won't allow it.  But I can tell you a
piece of the prophecy;  It goes 'Born from her own, who began
this reign shall end it.'"

	"That's it?  You're kidding right?  I mean how the hell can you
tell anything from that?"  I tried to get up.  It didn't make
sense at all and I needed to gesticulate the fact.  I promptly
fell back onto the bed as my head swam. 

	Bram was once again at my side.  I waved off his affections. 
Softly he said.  "We have had signs.  There may not be 100
percent certainty, but close."

	"Oh yeah?  Born from her own?  What the hell is that supposed
to mean?"

	He was hesitant and he shared a look with Kama.  From behind me
she said.  "You are descended from the one that made him king to
begin with."

	"Oh, nice, just 'cause an ancestor of mine got involved with
you all doesn't mean I care about the hierarchy here.  Hell, if
YOU hadn't brought me here, we wouldn't have this problem would
we?"  He looked a bit ashamed.

	"You very probably would have found out about us on your own
and still fulfilled the prophecy had he not brought you here." 
Kama offered.

	I wasn't willing to believe that line of thought.  "That just
proves this is all open to interpretation.  People can interpret
a thing differently.  Look at how all the different religions
interpret the bible."

	"The King saw you."  Bram reemphasized.

	"What if it was just someone who looked like me?"  

	"We believe it is you."

	I wasn't yet ready to believe but for his sake I let him off
the hook for now.  "Okay let's say it's true.  He could have
killed me a dozen times by now and not had to worry about it."

	Bram said, "Rather than kill you he believes by making you a
vampire you will have no choice but to be loyal to him, and thus
end the threat."

	"Please tell me why this makes sense to you?"

	"Because, it's worked in the past."

	I was about to argue more when Kama said, "Antoniette, It's
time you try to accept this.  It is your fate."

	That was what I've been trying to argue.  I don't believe in
fate.  To this day I know that prophecies, while real, are open
to interpretation.  However, everyone in the building, as I
would learn, was dead set that they knew exactly what this one
meant.  And what it meant is that I would eventually commit
murder.