Leaving the Light By: Christine Schnell

 Chapter 44.



	I jumped out of the ambulance and fell into Bram's arms.  He
had opened the door for me.  My legs gave way and he supported
my weight as I began to cry.  "Oh God, oh God, oh God."  Was all
I could say.  He held me close and soothed me.

	 The entire trip back was a blur.  I stopped for gas but that
was all I could remember.  Vaguely in the back of my mind I
could hear movement inside the ambulance.  They were unloading
Erik's body.  

	"How did this happen?"  Keir demanded.  I'm sure they saw
everything in my mind as I was driving up, how else would they
have known to be here when I arrived.

	"Lay off Keir."  Bram dragged me farther away and set me down
against the wall.

	"Don't walk away from me!"

	"Give her a few minutes!"  Bram stood his full height against
Keir.

	I was slowly collecting myself.  I found more than just Keir
staring down at me.  I'd say half of the vampire population was
here.  Only a couple of slaves attended to Erik's body.  "How do
we know she didn't do this!"  Keir demanded and the others
murmured their assent.

	"Have a look in her mind."  With the hungry look in Keir's eyes
Bram added, "After she has settled down."

	"I already have."  Keir grunted, "She's had enough time to
contrive the story and make herself believe it."

	I pushed myself to standing, as I wouldn't face Keir otherwise.
 "I didn't do it.  What reason would I have to kill him?"

	"Escape."

	I stared at him incredulously.  The look in his eyes told me he
realized that had I wanted to escape I wouldn't be here now. 
"Duh."

	"All right, then who and why?" Tiernan one of the more
influential of the vampires asked.

	I couldn't answer and it was too dangerous for anyone to go
back to the scene of the crime to find out.

	"Why weren't you there with him?"

	I shrugged, "He didn't want me."

	"He didn't summon you?"  Shelly asked more considerately.

	I shook my head.  "I had a feeling something was wrong but I
didn't know what and by the time I did..."

	"Erik wasn't skilled enough to summon her."  Mina said.

	"You shouldn't have left him.  You were there to protect him!" 
Tiernan admonished me.

	"Are you insane, she's not strong enough, she'd be dead too." 
Kama defended me.

	"Neither was Erik.  We should have sent another with them." 
Jerib voiced his two cents worth.

	"How were we to know anyone would get hurt?"  Harlow said
defensively.

	I didn't say a word.  By now I knew I didn't have a say.  Bram
stood next to me holding my hand as we watched.

	"As a slave it is her duty to not leave his side.  If she were
truly loyal she'd be there to throw herself between Erik and his
killer."  Keir vented.

	"How annoying that would be."  Kama came to my aid.  "To have a
slave attached to your every move.  Who is the slave then?"

	Teirnan argued, obviously he didn't like Erik, "He died because
he was soft.  He was old enough too know better but living here
in the complex with people serving us hand and foot doesn't
build strength."

	"That's why we take these trips outside."  Mina said.

	"Yes and what did that get him?"  No one could answer except
the King.

	 Answer he did from the doorway he had just entered.  "Strength
comes in many forms."  The vampires who had closed around me now
made a path so that the King was facing me directly.  "We need
to know who did this."

	I wanted to bury myself in Bram to escape his gaze.  "Why are
you looking at me?"  I was paranoid I admit it.  Who knows what
the King had planned for me now.  "I wasn't there.  You think I
can mindmeld with his dead head and see the last thing he saw. 
That's science fiction."

	"Toni, manners."  Bram whispered.  I didn't care.  I had just
picked up a friend's head and been accused of his murder.  I was
in no mood for manners.

	"Perhaps.  Or perhaps you can retrieve the video logs."  The
King said.

	"Video logs?"  How the hell could there be video?  I wasn't
there holding a camera.

	"Now."  The King swept his arm towards the door.  Bram lead me
to it.

	"I don't understand.  Where are we going?"  I asked him quietly.

	"To your computer lab."

	"Oh.  And how will this help?"

	"You can access the ambulance's computer from there."

	He wasn't being all that useful so I went poking in his mind
for myself.  I saw the back of the ambulance and embedded above
the doors a small black circle which on closer inspection was a
camera.  There were similar circles on each side of the
ambulance giving a full 360 view.  These he knew were not
connected to any user interface in the vehicle.  Instead I saw a
computer screen in a room with many computers.  A small antenna
sat near the computer and a software package displaying options
for video display was on the screen.  "Wireless" I said aloud. 
"I should have known."  No wonder I couldn't find a connection
all this time.

	We passed an astonished Al in the hallway.  He moved himself
out of shock and raced to catch up with us.  "What's going on? 
I thought you were gone for a few days."

	"Erik's dead."

	"No!"  He looked back and presumably noticed the King for in a
hushed voice he said, "You didn't-"

	"No!"  Bram and I snapped together.

	"And he's personally involved?"  Al nodded in the direction of
the King.

	"He liked Erik."  Bram explained.  "Erik made him laugh, among
other things."

	"Oh."  Al said.

	We reached the computer lab and Bram pulled the chair out for
me.  Al slunk back to a corner no doubt to make room for the
vampires.  I logged in then stared blankly at the screen.  "Um,
how exactly do I hook up to it?"  There was no antenna here and
no icon for the connection.

	The master of all things walked up behind me put a small thin
box with a couple of black antennas on the table and disappeared
under it to hook it up.  The thing looked like a robotic bug
from a bad B-horror flick, I expected it to make soft electronic
beeps, flash its lights and go scuttling across the table. 
Presumably this was some type of wireless router that would
connect to the computer in the ambulance.  He popped back up and
I moved aside to give him room.  His fingers flew across the
keyboard and moved the mouse until smoke came out.  When he
finished the same program I had seen in Bram's mind was now on
the screen.  "What'd you do?"  I asked in awe.

	He shrugged and rocked on his feet.  "Stuff."  

	He relinquished the controls and at the King's command I fast
forwarded through two cameras, though I knew the important one
would be on the camera that faced the rear.  They realized this
too as we reached the part where I parked and we saw Erik and
myself separating.  I went into the restaurant and Erik towards
a group of men not too far from the alleyway.  The men moved
away save for one who went with Erik to the alleyway.  It was on
the far end of the camera's vision but the King had me pan over
and enhance the video.

	I zoomed in but the video was fuzzy at best and black at worst.
 "Clean it up."  The King demanded.

	I searched the screen for something that would help then I got
the idea to look in the tool's menu for a specific utility.  I
found this neat little tool that with some work filtered out the
graininess.  The street lights created shadows in the alley and
an eerie glow was cast by the neon sign next door, but not
enough to light it up.  "Now correct for the shadows."  The King
instructed a bit more lightly.  I almost adjusted the brightness
and contrast before I saw another tool that did it with a touch
of a button.

	"Whoa, this IS science fiction."  My years away from the rest
of the world had numbed me to technological advancements.  I hit
play again and amazingly the settings stayed in place and we had
a clear view of what happened.  The vampires obviously had kept
up with the technology game.  I had a feeling they had a few
more goals scored than the rest.

	On the monitor, Erik bit the man's inner elbow and drank from
him for only a short time.  Then he let the man go.  This man
hardly seemed fazed by the ordeal but looked about him
confusedly.  I figured Erik made him forget.  Erik got halfway
back to the ambulance then turned.  Someone had stepped out of
the shadows next to him.  It was hard to make out the man's face
because he wore sunglasses and a baseball cap that obscured most
of his face.  Erik didn't have much of a chance with the guy. 
In one swift motion he jammed the stake into Erik's heart.  Erik
fell to his knees and clutched at the stake then the man drew a
sword and like a batter hitting a home run knocked Erik's head
off.  Before it hit the ground the man had rushed back into the
shadows and out of sight of the camera.  

	The vampires had me track over the sequence repeatedly.  I felt
sicker each time, remembering how his eyes were still open with
surprise at the attack.  No matter how we tried to manipulate
the image we could not get a good view of the killer.

	Finally they allowed the rest of the footage to play.  A few
minutes later I walked out of the restaurant, to the ambulance
and back to the alleyway.  Erik came into prime focus as the
ambulance backed to the alley and the lights came on.  I could
have told them what I did but they wanted to see it for
themselves.  As the scene played out I was getting lightheaded
just watching it all over again.  Then as the little portrayal
of me huddled over a trash can our eyes focused on what happened
behind me.

	"What the hell?"  I muttered as a man stepped out of the
shadows.  His red baseball cap cast a shadow over his entire
face and he made sure he kept his face obscured as he slowly
approached me from behind.  Bram clasped my shoulder and gritted
his teeth.  Anger flooded through him as we watched.  Then the
man held a stake up ready to strike.  The video showed me
straighten and wipe my mouth on my sleeve.  His eyes seemed to
take me in, then he slipped back into the shadows before I
turned around.  

	Relief pushed out the anger as Bram's hand slid from me.  The
hunter could have easily killed me, but he didn't.  Why?  The
King instructed me to go back but shock made my muscles go limp.
 I just stared at the point where the hunter disappeared into
the darkness.  First the vampires refused to kill me and now
this.  What was going on?

	"I don't understand.  Why didn't he kill me?"  I asked but no
one answered.  Kama moved in and manipulated the keyboard while
I sat transfixed.  The man's face was blown up and enhanced, but
the most we could glean from it was his slightly graying black
hair, black skin and strong jaw line.  No one recognized him.

	"I want to know who this sicarius is."  The King said
dangerously quiet.

	A few people squeezed their way out of the room.  I presume
they left to see what they could learn.

	"Go back to the beginning."  Bram had an idea.  He believed he
had noticed something earlier.

	I was back to my senses so Kama moved back so I could restart
it.  We sat and watched the tape at normal speed.  I wanted to
fast forward the boring road but the King wouldn't let me.  Then
there was a flash of something turning onto the road.  Keir saw
it before the rest of us and said, "Stop, go back a little."  I
did and we saw a dark blue sedan in the shadow of the trees. 
Bram leaned in to the screen and was practically on top of me as
we watched.  "Okay now fast forward."  About thirty minutes into
the drive after turning a corner we saw the same blue car in the
background.

	Mina said, "Coincidence, it's a lonely road and not many
turnoffs."  Yet we kept going and the car was spotted at least
three more times before the ambulance reached city limits.  Then
there was no doubt.  It had to stay closer to keep following us.
 While it was still far behind, it tracked our every turn.  Then
as we parked, on the front camera we saw the sedan slow.  It
didn't pull into the parking lot, but it certainly seemed as if
it was checking our status.  It was true, we had been followed
and I didn't realize it.  I let this hunter follow us and thus
kill Erik.  It was my fault again.

	"How?"  I asked softly.  Meaning how could he have known who we
were, how could he have followed us and how he could have been
allowed to do so.  I left my seat.  I felt dirty and sick and
wanted answers.  "Why?"  More questions were attached to this
word.  Why would the vampires have allowed this?  Why did they
let Erik die, surely he could have contacted them to let them
know he was under attack.  Why didn't they stop the hunter from
following us if they knew he was here?  "Why?"  I asked more
pointedly turning to the King.

	He wasn't looking at me.  He was intent on the screen.  "Why?" 
I focused on Bram now whom I knew would give me answers.  He
didn't meet my eyes.  "What the hell's the matter with you?  One
of your kind, a good man just died.  You could have stopped it. 
Why didn't you?"

	"Toni."  Bram took my arm as if to lead me away.

	I shrugged him off.  "No.  I want to know why.  Erik deserves
it."  I stared up into his dark blues and realized something. 
"You don't know, do you?"

	He shook his head.  Kama stepped in now.  "Sometimes we don't
monitor everyone, especially other vampires.  And Erik... Well
he wasn't exactly strong enough to call for help."

	"But you knew."  I pointed to the car on the screen.  "You knew
we were still being watched.  That's why you left slaves up in
the building.  Why wasn't he stopped?"  I looked back to the
King who was ignoring me and trying to get a closer look at the
screen.  The Master of All Things had taken over the controls
and was getting the license plate number.

	"We didn't know he was there."  Bram whispered.

	"What?"

	"We assumed he was there, but we didn't know."

	"How couldn't you know?"

	Kama glanced with concern over at the King then equally as low
said.  "Some people have a natural defense against our
telepathy."

	"Yes."  The King straightened and looked directly at me.  His
cold eyes nailed me to the wall and I almost fell to my knees. 
"We are not all knowing, all seeing beings for every creature in
the world.  That does not mean that I don't know what's going on
right under my own nose."  His glare transferred to Bram and
Kama.  They didn't shrink back but I got a feeling of fear from
Kama.  Bram was blank.

	"Here's the plate number."  Wen announced.

	"Run it."  The King snapped and pointed me to one of the other
computers.  I wasn't going to ask how.  I was sure the computer
had magically been connected to the Internet.

	Still in a bit of shock my fingers hovered over the keyboard
staring at the computer trying to figure out how exactly I would
connect to the Department of Motor Vehicles database.  When they
had enough of waiting for me, Kama pulled my chair aside and
started hacking at the keyboard.  Almost immediately she
reported, "It was reported stolen a couple of months ago."

	The King in a fury snapped at Neala.  "You and Mr. Kimble will
go back tomorrow night and retrieve our supplies from the
Hospital."

	"Yes your Majesty."  Neala answered.

	"And this time take weapons.  Make the arrangements."

	"Yes your Majesty."  She curtsied and backed out of the room. 
I exchanged glances with Al.  He was resolute.  If that hunter
was still out there he could be in a lot of danger.

	"I'll be okay Kiddo." 

	"Bram, You were Erik's genitor and will be held responsible for
finding this... this... hunter."  He spat the word and I had the
impression he didn't like using it.  "Kill him."

	"Yes your Majesty."  Bram had no problem with that order and
for once I didn't have a moral issue with it either.  Erik
hadn't done anything bad.  Yes, he had taken blood from that
man.  For all I knew that man gave it willingly.  Still that man
walked away.  This sicarius... this murderer had no reason to
kill that happy soul.  I felt incredibly guilty now that I look
back.  I should have been more aware of my surroundings.  I
should have been there for him.

	"Out!  All of you out of my sight!"

	Bram and I left together.  He wouldn't let me go.  I hated
this.  I felt so responsible for Erik's death and now Bram must
commit another murder.  Things were spiraling out of my control.
 Not that I ever had any.  I shouldn't feel sorry for myself.  I
wasn't the only one here who had lost a friend.

	The King had said Bram was Erik's genitor.  How could I have
missed that?  Worse how could I ignore Bram's feelings over the
matter.  "I'm sorry."  I whimpered.

	"It's not your fault."  Al said from behind us.

	"No."  I stopped and took Bram's face in my hands.  "I'm sorry
I was insensitive to you.  You've lost someone dear to you and
I've carried on feeling sorry for myself.  I never asked how you
felt.  I never thought about how his death could effect you.  I
should have realized there was a connection between you and I
should be supporting you and I should never have let Erik go off
alone..."  I was rambling now and Bram put a hand to my lips to
stop me.  I didn't sense sorrow coming from him.  He felt
relieved.  

	He took me in a hug and held me tight.  "You didn't die. 
That's all that mattered.  I loved Erik, but I couldn't have
borne it had you died as well."

	The corridor had emptied save for us and Al.  A bark echoed
down the hall and startled us.  I knew that bark and I gazed
down the corridor to watch the King leave my computer room with
Sabertooth.  Someone fixed him!  I wondered how, before I could
ask I saw the King bend down to pet him.  The King looked sad. 
When they disappeared down the corridor I asked, "Why is he so
aloof?"

	"No one knows.  He hasn't always been that way.  He has become
worse over the years."

	"Even I remember a time when he would sit and talk with me
after feeding."  Al said.

	"So lonely.  Yet he pushes people away, you guys, the Queen,
now Erik's gone.  Does he still feed off you?  Off anyone?  No
one talks about him."  I was simply curious, for he had to feed.
 What was keeping him from feeding off me?  That wasn't really a
question I wanted answered so I didn't ask it.

	Al did answer my other question.  "He does feed, though there
are only a few of us who do feed him.  He is very cautious about
who he's intimate with."

	"He trusts you a bit more after bringing Erik home tonight." 
Bram encouraged me.  "I wouldn't ask him to drink from me, if I
were you, just yet."

	I might feel bad for the guy, but I would never push it. 
Asking the King to drink from me was the last thing I wanted. 

	Bram was quiet and Al stared at his feet then said, "I will
miss the lightness Erik brought to our hearts."

	With his words I felt released from a prison.  Finally I was
able to relax and the night's events culminated into a great
heaviness around my heart.  It tugged and slowly a tear rolled
down my cheek.  Several others joined it.  Al took my hand and
Bram moved my head to rest on his shoulder.  I felt the same
pull at his heart that I felt in mine.  He had more control and
was able to keep the tears at bay.

	Nearly imperceptibly Bram's sadness and anger turned into a
need for revenge.  He left me to go off and coordinate the
search for this hunter.  I wanted to help.  He wouldn't let me. 
He said I had enough excitement for one night.  He made sure I
was comfortable on my cot before leaving me.

***

	The next night I arrived to the infirmary for my checkup.  Doc
Wendel set me down on a bed after making me wait while he
attended another patient.  He watched the computer screen while
he made me take deep breaths and all the normal fare.  "How are
you feeling?"

	I thought about the twenty billion answers that I could have
said all made me out to be weak and pitiful.  The only word that
would come out was "Fine."

	"I'm a doctor, I do not understand a generality such as 'fine.'
 Please be more specific."

	"A friend of mine just got his head sliced off and I had to
clean it up.  The man who did it was probably one of the hunters
I turned away from here instead of trying to kill to protect the
slaves and vampires.  Obviously I failed in that completely. 
Now Al's being sent out there and could get killed.  I nearly
got killed by Kama and poor Bram's taking the blunt of my
rampaging emotions.  Keir beats me, Heremon humiliates me and
the slaves think I'm a coward.  I've been isolated from my
family and friends for four years.  Oh yeah, I've committed
murder and was tortured for it.  All in all life is pretty
normal for this place wouldn't you say?"

	"I meant physically."

	"Oh physically!  Well, I haven't had too many pains, other than
being beaten and raped of course."  The Doc rolled his eyes.  I
added more as an after thought, "Except my wrists for some
reason are stiff lately.  They hurt when I type.  Do you think
it might be a relapse from my punishment?"

	He looked at them, moved my hands this way and that then
declared, "You pulled a muscle, it will be better in a week or
so."  Pulled a muscle how?  Lifting Erik?  "Now about your
worries.  The others don't consider you a coward.  Most of your
issues can be addressed with one simple thought."

	"Doc, you didn't answer my question."

	"Ignore them.  You need to start fresh.  Imagine you've just
woken here for the first time and are unaware of what has
transpired."

	"You're right."  He seemed happy that I agreed.  "You're not a
psychologist."

	He grumpily turned away from me and filled the injector.  He
brought it up close to me and I backed away slightly.

	"It doesn't have a needle."  He protested.

	How did he know?  Oh, yes, I suppose they needed someone to
insert it during my punishment.

	"Honestly, I don't understand you.  How can you be terrified of
needles but not have a problem being bitten?  They both pierce
the skin and bacteria from the mouth is by far more dangerous to
you."

	I ignored his not so psychological point of view.  "Same way I
can sleep with Keir.  I don't think about it."  He brought the
injector back up to my arm.  Again I backed away.  "Now what's
wrong."

	"What's in there?"

	He jabbed it against my skin while I asked the question.  Then
he said, "Gepettoin." and walked away.

	"What's Gepettoin?"  I jumped off the table and started to
follow him.  "Doc, what's Gepettoin?"

	"An antibiotic."

	Normally I would trust him but this time something told me not
to.  "Liar, what is it really?"

	"It's an antibiotic."  He reaffirmed.

	"And why would I need one?  I haven't been ill and I don't have
any open wounds.  Hell I haven't even been bit in a few days." 
He walked away from me again.  "Doc?"  I gave up trying.  There
were better ways to find out.

	I spent an hour on the computers.  They had been disconnected
from the Internet; router and all were gone.  There were no
medical databases nor even a listing of the stock we keep.  The
next six hours I spent in the library.  The closest I could find
was Gabapentin that is used primarily on epileptic patients.  It
is also an experimental mood altering drug for bipolar patients.
 I knew I didn't have episodes of epilepsy so was it that much
of a stretch to think I was bipolar?  Not really.  Now I know I
was jumping to conclusions even when I was thinking about it I
knew the two drugs were unrelated save for a couple of letters
of the alphabet.  It just made me think about the way some
people handled me with kid gloves.  At that moment something
came to mind.  It was similar to the memory of a dream.  Words
floated by as in a bad 60s cartoon with all those swirly
drawings and psychedelic colors in the background.  "Mentally
unstable depression disorder."  I couldn't remember where I had
heard them or under what circumstances.  Nonetheless, a chill
ran down my spine and it made me nervous as hell to think I
might be going crazy.  As if I needed one more thing to despair
over.  It gave me a headache.

	I didn't want to know anymore.  I didn't want to deal with it
or anything else.  Maybe the Doc had the right idea after all. 
Start fresh.  

	I resolved to ignore what I had just concluded as it was a
foolish concept.  That and everything else that has happened. 
Erik wasn't dead he was on holiday.  Yeah, and I wasn't the
champion of this stupid prophecy.

	I walked back to the slave court trying to clear my mind.  For
once, I wished there was a vampire around to erase my memory. 
When I arrived, I found the entire area empty.  Real fresh
start, I guess.  I wandered about until I found someone.  I
found a group hustling about the kitchen.  "What's going on?"

	"There's a gathering."  Dave grunted as he hefted a tray of
meat.

	"What can I help with?"  I rounded the bar to grab a bottle of
wine.

	Dave took it from me.  "Thanks, we've got it covered."

	"I can help."

	Lacey popped up and pulled me out of the kitchen.  "Toni, it's
okay, you go rest."

	"Huh?  There's work to be done."

	Lacey was apologetic, "They don't want you there."

	"Excuse me?"

	"They told me to make sure you weren't around."

	"Me specifically.  Why?"

	"I don't know, it's what I was told.  Just go relax okay."

	"Yeah sure."  I left the kitchen and sat on my cot until I
became bored.  Which of course wasn't to long.

***

	The gathering had been going on for a couple of hours already. 
Despite me not being invited, I knew it was far more serious
than any I've seen to date.  The slaves rushed about as normal,
but they seemed far more somber than normal.  As far as I could
tell, I was the only one not involved.  This being a perfect
time to escape didn't even cross my mind just as it hadn't when
I found Erik's corpse.  No doubt that very event was the main
agenda tonight.  They didn't need me there to give them all the
details.  In boredom I wandered the halls aimlessly.  I walked
down a corridor one I didn't travel very often one not many
traveled often by the look of the cobwebs.  All the time I
pondered why I was not allowed near the gathering, even now as I
walked these back halls I wondered what it was that they didn't
want me there for.  Did they not want me there for fear of
hearing something, or more likely for opening my big mouth and
saying something I shouldn't.  After all events that involved me
at gatherings didn't always go as planned.  I'm sure they didn't
want to chance it.  So I found my leash loosened for a few hours
and I was able to walk around without anyone controlling where I
went.  Or was I?  

	I wasn't sure where I was.  From out of nowhere I began to hear
voices.  They sounded as if they were on the other side of the
wall, muffled but loud enough to know they were arguing, even if
individual words could not be determined.  I stopped and put my
ear to the thick wall, but all it did was distort the voices. 
So I followed the hall more until I could find a door and see
what was going on inside the room.

	Before I reached it the voices became extremely clear and I
knew someone was putting the argument in my head so I could hear
it.  Either that or I really was going crazy.  "It is obvious
the sicarius didn't kill her for a reason."  Someone was saying. 

	Astonished a female said, "You don't think she's in league with
them do you?" 

	"I am just saying there is more to it than meets the eye."  The
first voice said.

	"She's a crazed suicidal witch!  That is all.  You should just
let her kill herself and get out of our hair!"  That voice I
knew all to well, it was Keir.

	"She has proven her loyalty and I have spent too many resources
on her to allow her departure now."  Was that the King defending
me?

	Urquhart's quiet demeanor was louder in my mind than in person.
 "To allow her suboriri means the self-destruction of this gens."

	"Management of this complex affair requires a tactful hand. 
Normal conditions do not apply and everything must be done to
satisfy the new limitations."

	Either there was more going on between their minds than they
were saying aloud or they weren't all speaking the same
language.  I certainly didn't understand it.  Oh the words were
all there and I figured yet again I was the topic of discussion
but the meaning off the King's words eluded me.

	"There are other ways.  Some are currently being pursued." 
Bram of course wouldn't want me to die.

	"They are not working."  Keir protested, "She overheard us
fighting."  

	"That is not surprising."  The King said with indifference.

	"We weren't speaking aloud."  The room fell silent
contemplating the implications of this statement.  I couldn't do
anything except think, "Oh god, it really was really real."  In
a way I had hoped Mistress Kama had lied and I didn't overhear
their thoughts. 

	Sabertooth came prancing up to me his tail wagging.  His
scraggly hair flopped about as he pranced around my feet.  No
one seemed to notice his absence.  I petted his head
absentmindedly while I listened.  He nudged the inside of my
knee with his nose and I took the hint.  He led me to the door.

	Urquhart said sagely, "She posses more danger to this gens then
just the fulfillment of the oraculum"

	"The destiny of this gens is not in my hands.  I have tempted
fate before and failed."  The King sounded resigned.

	"There is plenty you can do.  Kill her!"  A small group
murmured their agreement with Keir, but none seemed brave enough
to sound out against the King.

	Why wasn't Bram defending me?  Was he also too afraid of others
retaliating against him?  I put myself in his shoes, or rather,
his mind.  He was upset at Keir, annoyed at the King and afraid
for me.  If he wasn't going to say anything I was.

	I had stepped around the corner.  The room was as plain as
could be; four white walls 30 feet apart and no furniture at
all.  There were maybe ten vampires filling it.  The King saw me
first while Keir was still talking and when Keir realized the
King wasn't paying attention to him he turned to face my stern
gaze.  "It would certainly end my pain."

	"Toni!"  Bram stepped forward shocked to see me there, or was
it more of a warning.

	I confronted him.  "I think I have a say in this."  Then I
realized all eyes in the room had focused on me.  I became
uncomfortable and remembered the Dance of Equanimity.  I felt
just as exposed now as I did then.

	"Let her speak."  Tiernan said and others agreed.

	I had no idea what their normal procedure was around here for
taking the floor I took it anyway.  This wasn't like my speech
to the slaves.  This appeared to be all the vampires of
prominence.  Those who could decide the slave's fate as well as
my own.  I was nervous they all had their attention on me.  I
never liked being under such scrutiny.  All my old feelings of
fear came back.  I always feared that people were judging me.  I
know that right now that was exactly what they were doing,
judging me.  As I look back now somehow I don't think their
judgment is as harsh as I would have expected and as I expected
everyone else's to be. 

	I suddenly felt as if I was back in school in speech class, I
would be graded on how well my next few words were presented. 
This visualization made it all the harder for me to speak. 
"T-to my knowledge I... um... have never been a threat."  It was
difficult for me to come up with words at the moment.  I had to
be careful what I said to them.  "Yes I managed to kill one of
you... um... believe me, that was sheer luck.  I have... learned
my place here."  I began staring at the ground as I found it
hard to look back at them.  "A long time ..uh, well since my
escape attempt I have done nothing wrong- I mean... um...
nothing but ...um..."  the words were failing me, then suddenly
they came in a flash, "nothing but what I'm told.  Still some
believe I deserve death.  I um... I... um"

	Whispers spread throughout the room.  No doubt their judgment
would be harsh.  I stopped and wanted to crawl into a hole to
disappear.  I think this had been a mistake.

	"Go on Toni."  Shelly prompted me.  

	I did have more to say but now I doubted whether I should. 
Before I began to speak, I gathered my thoughts prepared the
words then screwed my courage.  I spurted the words out before I
felt the fear again and could hold my tongue.  "Despite that and
my best efforts, I have been nothing but trouble."  I considered
my most mental condition and came to a conclusion.  "Kill me."

	"No!"  Bram and the King cried as one.  The room erupted both
for and against.  What have I done?  

	Sabertooth whined at my feet as he sulked behind me.  I reached
around to pet him, trying to gain strength from him.  Normally
it would be Bram with whom I tried to connect.  At the moment I
didn't think that would be good for he needed it all for
himself.  He was crushed by my entreaty and hurt I would choose
death over him.  He must have known.  It couldn't be a surprise
to him after all my suicide attempts.

	To try to calm them, and myself, I attempted to explain.  "I
don't know anything of this... this prophecy."  I was getting
more comfortable, at least as long as I didn't look at the King.
 "All I know is everything I do... everything I touch... well
everything just falls apart around me."    

	Once again, I built up my courage and a shield.  I met the
King's eye without fear for what could he do to me that he
hasn't already.  "If you're afraid of me, kill me now, else your
fears may come to pass.  If you are not afraid of me, then what
harm-" My head burst open, or at least it felt like it.  It
wasn't bad enough to knock me off my feet.  Like a bad hangover,
Urquhart's words echoed in my head mixed with the outburst of
other protests.

	He addressed the King.  "Don't you see it has already begun. 
There will be civil unrest if something is not done now."

	After he finished the King must have considered his words for
my headache subsided.  I met Bram's eyes.  He looked as though
someone restrained from helping me.  Or maybe he restrained
himself from doing something we'd both regret.  Either way I
tried to console him.  

	I spoke despite the lingering agony.  "Bram, I love you, but
Urquhart's right.  Look what I've done recently.  Nothing has
gone right."

	The King answered me.  "Do not flatter yourself into thinking
you are responsible for what happens around you.  Many have come
before and will go after you that have more effect on this gens.
 You will not die, simply because you don't pose a threat."  The
King proclaimed, then caught the others before they could speak.
 "No, I will not embrace the notion that she alone is
responsible for this unrest.  Your fear and assumptions create
more difficulty than is called for.  I will not entertain them
any longer.  With careful preparation the resolution will not
spell consummation."

	"Do you still intend to make me one of you?"  Silently I prayed
for a negative answer.  It seemed kind of dumb after all this
for the King to think it a good idea.    

	"You are questioning me?"

	I wanted to tell him yes.  I looked about no one met my gaze
nor the King's.  I had already caused enough trouble.  I knew I
mustn't challenge him.  Not yet.  "No your Majesty."  I bent my
knees and begged, "Forgive me."  Sabertooth lay down beside me
and I fought myself from reaching out to him.

	I may be repentant but the vampires did not fear the King as
much as I thought.  For they started a new round of protest Keir
was chief among them.  "Do not listen to her lies.  She is not
to be trusted."  Sabertooth growled quietly.

	"My word is Law!"  The King stamped.  His words reverberated
off every surface.  "I do not fear her.  She will not be killed
nor will she suboriri until I have declared it."  He lifted my
head so I could look into his face.  "As for you, you will not
attempt suicide, nor treason in any matter."

	"No your Majesty."

	"You will be loyal to me and the others?"  His question was
soft and almost out of character for it seemed he didn't believe
he was asking it let alone my answer.

	"Of course, your Majesty."

	"Very well then.  You have all heard her oath.  I expect you to
hold her to it and hold your own."

	A chorus of "Yes your Majesty."  filled the room.

	Well, I now know how people feel when they're told they only
have six months to live, only I don't know how long I have
before my life is taken from me.  There was a weak round of
consent as the King dismissed us all.  Before I was to my feet
most everyone disappeared.  Only Bram remained.  Well,
Sabertooth too, but he didn't move as fast as the others.  I
rushed to the door searching the corridors there was no one. 
"Where's Urquhart?"

	Bram knew what I wanted him for.  "He won't answer your
questions."

	"Will you?"

	"You know I will if I'm able." 

	"Then how does he know all those things?  What did he mean I
pose more danger than what has been foreseen?" 

	"Alas, I don't know what it means, but he knows more than most
of us because he has been studying   the prophecy for a long
time." 

	"Do you believe what he said?"	

	He hesitated.  "It... depends on the definition."

	"He said it would be like genocide.  I think that's pretty
clear."

	"There's no reason for you to worry, as you said before these
things are open to interpretation."  Bram said. 

	"Right, nothing to worry about.  Start fresh the Doc said. 
Starting over with this on my shoulders isn't good."

	"I think you'll be okay."  Bram said and led me out of the room.

	Sabertooth, left behind, started to howl the most depressing
and lonely dirge I've ever heard.