Leaving the Light By: Christine Schnell

EPISODE 7: Pet Peeve   



Chapter 45



Your love like a golden spiral 
entangles me forever. 
My mind spins and never finds the end.

Your smile, like a fractal pattern 
is hypnotizingly clever.
It has taken over my will.

Your eyes are an equation 
I can never solve, 
yet will ponder over until I die

Your heart is an open book. 
I know your love will never dissolve. 
It will live on forever even in heaven.



	"Where do I come up with this stuff?"  I crumpled the paper and
tried to concentrate on the schematic in front of me.

	Two hours later Gwen flopped down beside me.  "Hey girl."

	"Hi."  I murmured as I was leaning my chin on my palm and still
staring at the paper.

	"You haven't, like, been writing for Wen anymore have you?"

	"Nope."

	"Well good.  He's finally learning to do it on his own.  You
wouldn't like totally believe the awesome little poem he wrote.

	"Your love is like a golden spiral..."  She went on and on. 
"Isn't that like the most crazy thing you've ever heard."

	"Yeah, like totally rad."  I rolled my eyes.  That plagiarizing
bastard.  Before I got too upset, I changed the subject, "You
haven't seen Al have you?"  I have asked nearly everyone this
question.  No one had seen him return from Phoenix.  It had been
three days since he left.

	"Maybe he's, like, up stairs."

	"Huh?"  I immediately thought the worst and interpreted that to
mean heaven.

	She sighed exasperatedly, "On duty."  She stressed the next
part when I wasn't comprehending, "In the building."

	"Still not following.  Are they still up there watching for
hunters?"

	"Well... duh.  Like, what do you think the gathering was all
about?"  I knew what it was really about, but obviously there
was more to it.  "They, like, think a hunter killed Erik."

	"What a concept."

	"They'll probably like be back for the rest of the vampires."

	I wasn't convinced of that.  If that hunter was one of the
group that had already tried, they'd know there were no vampires
in that building.  If they returned there they'd find only
humans.  They likely didn't know about the monstrous basement. 
Even if they searched for a trap door I'm willing to bet they
wouldn't find one, or would find a concrete wall behind it.  If
anything, they'd look for another way in around town.  I was
also positive the Sheriff would make that difficult.  

	Of course I was using logic to deduce this and we all know the
human race is far from logical.  For all I knew they might blow
up the entire building no questions asked.  I really didn't want
to dwell on it.  I wondered just how long it would be before I
would be sent up stairs.  Anyway I didn't have much time to
think about it.

	Luther walked by with a box that smelled of ammonia, "Hey,
we're spring cleaning the library, any free hands would be
useful."

	Gwen popped up and started skipping out until she realized I
didn't follow.  "Coming?"

	"Nah, I gotta figure this out.  Sabertooth still isn't walking
acceptably.  His left fore foot keeps twitching." 

	"Yes bitch you just don't want to get stuck doing the work." 

	"What?"  Her sudden change in attitude offended me.

	"Don't have a cow, like, I didn't say anything."  She said
defensively.

	"You called me a bitch."

	"No I didn't."  She backed up, as if she thought I was insane.

	"I am not going crazy.  I heard you."

	"Like chill, I didn't say anything."

	I rubbed my temples.  "I'm not going crazy."

	"Whatever!"

***

	I planted myself in front of Dr. Wendel who just left a
patient.  He halfway looked at me.  "Time for your medication
again?"

	"Only if it's a dose of answers."

	"I don't have any of those."

	"But you know more then you're telling."  There had to be a
reason I heard what I thought I heard.

	"I think you already know your answers."

	"No I don't."

	"You are not bipolar, mentally unstable, manic depressive or
any other mental disorder I can pinpoint...  At least I don't
think you are.  That's not exactly my field."  He finally
admitted.

	"Then what's wrong with me?"

	"Nothing."

	"Come on!  I'm reading people's minds and I'm not even a
vampire."

	"That's the thing Antoniette.  I think this is normal for you. 
This," He held up the injector, "Is just like anodyne to you. 
It relaxes you.  Reduces the symptoms as it were."

	Normal?  There was something about me not being normal...  Oh
yes, "You told Kama that something was abnormal even for me."

	"You heard that?  You're hearing isn't-"

	"It's gotten better apparently.  What was that all about?"

	"Nothing.  You're taking this completely out of context."  Why
did I have the feeling he was trying to do damage control?

	"Still you imply that I'm abnormal compared to others.  Is that
why she bit me, she wasn't hungry I know.  Did she do it and
tried to make me forget because something like this happened? 
Did I overhear something I wasn't supposed to?"

	"If you wish to know you need to take it up with her."  Yeah,
it wasn't very likely she would tell me anything.  "I only
administer the medicine."   

	"I've only gotten worse since you started giving it to me."  I
sulked.

	"No, you've adapted to the changes I've made to your dosage and
have increased it only recently."

	"Wait, you've given me this stuff before?"

	"Yes, every time you've come in since your first suicide
attempt."

	"Son of a..."  They've known all this time.  

	"I know you aren't all that fond of me, But I am doing all I
can for you."

	"Yeah, I know."  After a moment's thought, "Who's to say this
stuff isn't making me go insane?"

	"I suppose I am to say."  Dr. Wendel looked at my charts again,
"You won't go insane.  You'll adapt, it's in your nature." 
Apparently the doctor knew more about me than I thought. 
Finally he asked just a little sardonically, "Would you like
more Geppetoin?  It might help keep the voices away."

	I cracked a smile then did the unthinkable.  "Yes please."

	As he prepared it, I asked with just a little trepidation, "Al
hasn't come through here has he?"

	"No, I haven't seen him in several days."

	"Oh."

	"You're not going to start worrying about him are you?  He is
probably with another vampire.  I heard Neala had come back two
days ago."

	This made me feel a little better.  I'm sure I would have heard
something if he was hurt on the trip.  The cold metal pressed
against the inside of my elbow and the medicine pumped out of
the vial into my bloodstream.  "Thanks Doc."  I said as I left
the infirmary.

	I slept well that day.  No dreams invaded my peace.  I awoke
refreshed and hungry.  Apparently Doc Wendel put me back on the
menu since it would only be couple hours until Polina requested
me to come and see her so I planned on spending it writing.  As
it turns out I would be distracted from this goal.

	While Lacey and I disagreed on my method of encouragement for
the slaves we had remained friends.  Since Erik's death she has
supported me enthusiastically.  She knew it could have happened
on anyone's watch including her own so she was very sympathetic
and supportive to me.  We had spent many hours reminiscing about
Erik.  Erik entertained Lacey when she was a child here.  All of
this reminiscing brightened our spirits a little and for days we
mimicked our old friend.  It was in this state that our newest
companion in bondage had the misfortunate to meet us in.

	I approached my cot and the bagel I was munching on crumbled
from my mouth.  Lacey was already examining that which shocked
me.

	The bed next to mine, on the opposite side from Lacey's, was
occupied.  A slender black man with a shaved skull curled in the
fetal position.  I was glad to already be awake for his snoring
would wake those on the other side of the complex.  "Who's
that?"  I mouthed to Lacey.  She only shrugged.

	We watched the sleeping form as if he were prime-time
television.  Every twitch, every sigh and grunt were examined,
critiqued, and brought to a conclusion of motivations and
personality.  We even went so far as to speculate on his dreams,
much as one would a sleeping dog.  Later Dr. Wendel came by and
turned off our TV.  

	Lacey and I watched in fascination.  The man stretched like
waking on a knoll one fine spring morning.  Slowly he came to
realize he wasn't in the Emerald Valley any longer and stiffened
until I thought his veins would pop.  He looked ready to run,
but in the confusion of waking in a strange place, he had no
idea where to run.

	He was a twenty something handsome tall, slight built, man. 
After the doctor had given him medicine to take, he introduced
us.  "These are your two new best friends."

	"Hi, I'm Kenneth."  His voice was a smooth baritone.

	Lacey jumped to her feet she was at least a foot and a half
shorter than he.  She bestowed him with her most flirtatious
look.  I rolled my eyes.  "I'm Lacey and most humbly at your
service."  She waved at me as if I was a repulsive statue that
was only good as a bird perch.  "That's Toni."

	"Enchanted."  I managed to animate myself and shook his hand
heartedly.  It was my habit to call people a name with as few
syllables as possible so I asked, "Do you mind if I call you
Ken?" 

	"Yes."  He said I thought a little discourteously.

	"Oookay, Kenneth it is."  

	"What is this place?"  He spoke with confidence and somewhat
loudly, at least for us.

	Dr. Wendel provided us a baseline to go by.  "This is a small
community of workers.  We labor and they treat us well.  These
two lovely ladies will give you the grand tour.  Just relax for
now.  You won't be assigned any work for at least a week. 
Please come by and see me in a couple days for a checkup."  With
that he left us and a bewildered expression on Kenneth's face.

	"What have you been told so far?"  Lacey questioned in her
typically subdued tone.

	"Not much, I was hoping you could fill in the gaps."  I
detected a slight accent as he elongated a's.

	"Toni's a dumbass, she doesn't know anything."  Lacey chirped. 
Obviously our friendship hasn't gotten in the way of a little
competition.

	"At least I know which shoe goes on the right foot."

	"Well it's not that hard..."  It took her a moment to deduce
that it was a quip at her.  "Hey!"  She looked down and checked
anyway.

	I took the opportunity to step in and say conspiratorially,
"It's not that she's dumb.  After the lobotomy she just hasn't
been the same.  I however,"  I said more confidently and with
irony in mind, "am completely sane and can answer any question
put to me."

	Kenneth chuckled softly at our antics and at Lacey's seemingly
difficult time in thinking of a comeback.  Before we could start
round two he asked, "What did the Doctor mean worker community?"

	"Well, we're kind of like servants to -"

	"Slaves."  I corrected.

	"Servants."  She avowed making sure I understood.  I didn't see
why we should hide it from him, he would find out eventually. 
"We are compensated for our work."

	"I don't understand.  They kidnapped me to be a servant.  For
what a sweatshop?"

	"Sweatshop?"  Lacey asked.  She had been isolated from the rest
of the world after all.

	"No.  There's no rows of sewing machines and we're not forced
to work 16 hours a day.  We do have to keep everything clean, do
some repairs, and other menial jobs for our captors.  Sounds
like slavery doesn't it?"  I asked.  I may have given into the
vampires but I wasn't going to fool myself.

	"Why would someone need to abduct people to work for them?"

	"Seems irrational?"

	"It does."  Kenneth pondered it for a moment.  "The FBI would
eventually notice this many missing people ya know."

	"Where you from Kenneth?"  I asked as if I were changing the
subject.

	"Chicago."

	"I'm from California.  Dr. Wendel's from Utah.  The blonde's
from around here, but she can't find her way to the bathroom let
alone home."

	"Toni!"

	I continued, "They take people from all around.  A single
person here and there won't go missed."  

	"Why go through all that trouble?"

	Before I could say too much, Lacey more accustomed to these
situations and more curt said, "We can't tell you that.  Not
allowed, sorry."

	"You'll be told later when it won't be a complete shock."  I
said.  Mona's screaming fit came to mind.

	"What would be so shocking?"

	"Toni!  Ixnay on the ocksay."

	To save face I struck up a new topic, "So what was your
occupation?"

	He stalled for a minute trying to figure us out.  I guess he
realized he shouldn't pursue the matter and replied, "I'm a web
designer."

	"Really?  We haven't had any of those."  Lacey twittered. 
"What kind of webs do you design?"

	"Kind?"

	"Yeah, Are they for fishing or maybe those cotton ones you
spread around for Halloween decorations."

	He seemed uncertain how to treat her.  "Um... websites, for the
Internet."

	"You have to excuse Lacey, she's been out of touch with reality
for a long time."

	"At least I don't have delusions of Godhood."

	Ouch that went straight for the heart.  I checked myself from
retorting and thus having the possibility of the prophecy being
brought up.  "Did you do just the programing or everything
including the art?"

	"I started out-"

	"Antoniette?"

	I swiveled to find Mistress Kama coming our way looking none
too pleased.  My stomach sank and I felt as if I were under
examination again as I was at the gathering.  Obviously she
heard about that, or maybe she was here to keep my tongue from
letting loose its secrets.  Either way her glare made me very
uncomfortable.  I watched Lacey unsure how to react to the
Mistress in front of the new guy.  He mustn't know what she is. 
I decided I'd just stand and wait.  "Yes Mistress?"

	She clearly focused on me right until she arrived in front of
us and I heard Kenneth whisper to Lacey, "Who's that?"

	Lacey didn't have time to answer as Kama took in Kenneth's
presence for the first time and became fascinated with him.  She
fixed him with a craving eye.  The caterpillars crawling around
in my stomach cocooned themselves as she asked, "Antoniette, you
haven't introduced me to your new friend."

	Glad of the distraction I quickly made the introduction,
"Mistress Kama, this is Kenneth, Kenneth, Mistress Kama."

	"Mistress."  He took her hand in a light handshake.  The ice
around Mistress Kama melted and she looked awe struck then shyly
down at their hands when he returned the stare.

	"No formalities dear, just call me Kama."  Lacey snapped a
strange glance at me.  I had no idea either.  Maybe I was going
insane and this was just a hallucination.

	"A true pleasure Kama.  Tell me, is this entire place filled
with beautiful women like yourself or are you the sparkling
diamond that shines brighter than the rest?"

	I whispered to Lacey "I think he met Bram already, he's
steeling all his lines."

	"You are a smooth one aren't you?"  Miss Kama said with just a
little sharpness.

	"Uh oh."  Lacey whispered back, "Now he's going to get it."

	"What a darling thing to say."  Mistress Kama continued,
"Other's would do well to learn such proprieties."  

	Kenneth saved the day by asking, "You were looking for Toni for
something?"

	"Hmmm?  Toni?"  She seemed lost in her own fantasies.  "Oh,
yes, it isn't important."

	Lacey and I stood restlessly for a few moments as the two
oogled over each other.  They never even released from their
initial handshake.

	Lacey elbowed me and whispered, "Say something"

	Yeah and piss off Miss Kama by breaking off her little moment. 
I think not.

	Again Kenneth saved me.  He was my new hero.  "Pretty big
place."

	"Yes, it suits our needs we have some nice facilities.  I'm
sure you would be impressed with our kitchen."  His eyes lit up.
 Seems I wasn't the only one to slip up, she just revealed she
had been reading his mind, of course he didn't know that and she
covered it up fairly well.  "You seem the cooking type."

	"I am.  It is one of my many talents."  He moved in closer to
her and she seemed to shrink a little.  "If you care to take a
walk I will tell you about them."

	"I'm afraid I have previous engagements.  May I take you up on
the offer later?"  Miss Kama asking permission for something? 
This was weird.

	"Rushing off so soon?"  He moved in closer to her and placed
his hand on her hip.

	Miss Kama became tense and pushed against him a little.  So
much for love at first sight, he should learn better than to
take the dominate position with her.  "I'm afraid I can't."  She
said softly and looked away from him.

	"A kiss at least before you go."  He held her arms tight.  

	Oh boy here we go.  I braced for the explosion that was Miss
Kama's wrath.  

	It never came.  Instead she examined their feet as he moved in
for the kiss.  She turned her head slightly.  Determined, he
maneuvered her face with his until their lips met.  Lacey and I
both looked away.  I don't know about Lacey, but I certainly
felt ashamed for her.  In one slick move Kenneth managed to do
what I never thought possible, even the King never managed to
enthrall Kama to this degree.

	He released her and she looked so lightheaded I stretched my
arms out to catch her.  She recouped before it was needed,
swatted my hands away as if they were a fly and gave me a
burning look for my trouble.  

	She straightened and he said, "I will see you soon then?"

	"Yes."  She breathed and swept out of the room without another
glance in my direction.  She did look back from the door at
Kenneth.  What power was in this man's kiss?  

	After she was well out of hearing, Lacey asked, "What just
happened?"

	"Beats me."  My entire world was doing flip flops around me. 
What's next, Keir and me becoming friends?

	"Who was that vixen?"  Kenneth asked.  Obviously she had made
an impression on him too.

	"That Kenneth, was one of our captors."  

	"I hope they're all like that."

	Kenneth proved to be a mixed bag, which meant he fit in
perfectly here.  He had a thirst for knowledge but he could be
vain at times.  He believed he knew a lot.  Whether he did or
not he was convinced he did.  I figured this would change once
he knew the truth.  It's not really a bad thing.  It just gets
annoying from time to time.  At least he didn't flaunt it like
Gary.  Because of this I was fairly sure it was an act.  I made
a mental note but didn't push it.  I'd have time to find out.

	We spent some time getting to know him and showing him around. 
It was very tough avoiding the direct questions about our
captors.  I managed by letting Lacey answer and she managed by
changing the subject.  It wasn't until his questions wandered
back to Mistress Kama that we really had any problems.  "Tell me
about this Mistress Kama."

	"Well she's not called Mistress just because she's one of our
captors." 

	"Man she's hot."  He breathed no doubt fantasizing about her. 
Kenneth didn't seem deterred by the revelation. 

	"She's dangerous."  I said.

	"That's what makes her so appealing, the dangerous mysterious
type.  You chicks just don't understand these things.  You know
what I'm say'n?"

	Oh, I understood far too well.  Those very qualities are what
have bonded me to her.  I had experience in this far more than
he could conceive.  I felt myself becoming like Dr. Wendel for a
brief moment.  "You don't want to go there."

	"Why not?"

	"Toni knows.  She's in love with one of them."  Lacey sang
childishly.

	"I was warned when I first started falling for him.  I didn't
listen and now...  I'm far too entrenched to dig myself out."  I
pleaded, "For your own sake, don't become involved with her. 
Not just because of what she is, but because of what she can do
to you."

	"And what's that?"  He asked incredulously.

	I wanted to tell him she'd warp his mind.  She'd kill someone
right in front of him and justify it as necessary.  She'd take
him and break him and mold him how she wanted.  Worst of all
she'd have him begging for more. 

	A voice came out of nowhere, "Not a word."  I looked about.  I
knew better than to ask if anyone heard that.  I wasn't even
sure if I did.  It didn't sound like Kama.  Maybe it was my own
consciousness.

	"She'll have you on your knees begging for punishment."  There
I said it.  Let the punishment come.  I waited.  Nothing
happened.

	Meanwhile, he laughed.  "We'll see who has whom on their knees."

	"Which reminds me," Lacey queried me, "what do you suppose she
wanted of you?"

	I surveyed the room again.  I knew I wouldn't see anyone. 
Absentmindedly I said, "Probably because I asked the Doc why she
bit- Oww!"  My head pounded and my ears felt like they were
going to shoot off my head in opposite directions.

	"What's wrong?"  Kenneth asked.

	Lacey, thinking quickly for once, said "She gets migraines. 
Help me get her to that chair."

	Now I know why I was avoided so often when I started asking a
lot of questions.  Nobody wanted instant headaches.  Of course
I'm sure they weren't monitored as much as I.  "I'm all right." 
I muttered as it began to subside.  Guess I wouldn't be telling
Kenneth my life story for a while.

	"Can I get you anything?"  Lacey asked.

	"No, I should go get more medicine from the Doc."

	"You be okay?"  Kenneth helped me to my feet when the pounding
stopped.

	"Yeah fine."  I left Lacey to finish the tour.

	As I walked away, I heard Ken say, "I get migraines.  They
don't hit me like that."

***

	Kama hadn't forgotten me.  She realized later she had been
distracted from her purpose and called me to her after Polina
finished with me.

	I entered her room and found her to be in a delightful mood. 
The room itself was cheerily lit.  I looked about in wonder as I
don't recall it ever being this bright in here.  Nothing really
had changed besides the light.  No wait, something had.  "Got a
new headboard huh?"  The old one was a dark cherry wood with
large slats.  This was thick black wroth iron with fancy swirls.
 I wondered if Bram made it.  

	"Yes I thought it was time for a change and wroth iron is
stronger and goes so much better with the decor."

	I read through the lines.  "Had a wild night and broke the old
one?"

	"You could say that."  She gestured me towards the couch.  She
sat at the other end, her light blue silk gown flowed out around
her.  "How are you feeling?"  Was she still concerned over my
near death experience, my brush with insanity or was this
something else?

	"Sick."

	"Oh."  She was slightly downtrodden.  "You look better."  She
placed her soft hand on my cheek.  "You've gained weight.  That
is good.  You were looking so bedraggled.  Don't you feel
healthier?"

	"Yeah, well other things have kind of kicked my butt lately."

	"Yes, I've heard about he gathering.  Shame I wasn't there to
help you."

	I don't think she could've.  Even Bram couldn't.  "Still you
did handle yourself well."

	"Thank you."  She fell silent.  Was that it?  Was that what she
wanted to tell me earlier?  No, she could have conveyed that to
me in front of Kenneth.  She sat silently as if she expected
something.  I tried to think what it could be.  I tried to
think.  I couldn't think.  I stared at the rest of the room. 
The new headboard was such an interesting piece of metal work I
became lost in its intricately woven design.

	"Toni?"  My mind snapped back into place.  How long had I been
sitting there like that?  Probably not very long since she went
on as if I hadn't been.  "I think it's time I started you in
finishing school."

	"What's that?"

	"You're worse off than I thought.  Outside it's a school where
women, and sometimes corporate executives polish their presence
and protocol.  They learn social etiquette.  Here we shall just
teach you what you need to survive a social engagement, I have
no wish to make you into a courtier."

	"Uh, okay."  Kama didn't really impress me as the social
butterfly.  I would think the Queen would be more adept for
that, if she were sober.

	"Oh she will have a turn with you.  You and I will go over the
basics before I allow her to corrupt you."  She changed to a
more soothing tone.  "Tell me how did you feel at the last
gathering?"

	"Nervous."  I had no reason to lie.  It had been fairly obvious
at the time.

	She nodded.  "You feel uncomfortable in certain social
situations."

	It wasn't a question but I felt the need to defend myself. 
"I-"  Kama cut me off with a hand.

	"Wait your turn to speak."  I fell silent and she continued. 
"You were uncertain how to act in front of them am I right?"

	I waited an extra moment just to be sure she was finished. 
"Yes Mistress."

	"Uncertainty and anticipation breeds fear.  Knowing how to act,
in other words knowing the rules of etiquette, you go into these
situations with confidence and your fear subsides.  You would
prefer this wouldn't you?"

	"Absolutely!"  As long as we were talking only about
strengthening my confidence and not learning how to serve my
masters more efficiently.

	"The proper answer would be 'Yes Mistress.'  Enthusiasm is fine
but moderation is preferred in society."

	"Yes, Mistress."  I answered back solemnly.

	I was a good pupil.  I didn't argue with her, much.  I did as I
was told.  Many of the most basic things I already knew.  Maybe
it was intuition, drilled into my head by my mother, as seen on
TV, or straight out of Kama's head.  No matter, I still knew
what fork to use, how to place my napkin and to wait until
everyone was served.  The places I had problems were those that
took skill.  Sitting still for one, I never knew I fidgeted so
much.  That and not slouching took most of my concentration. 
She really did have me walk around the room with a book on my
head.  Surprisingly this wasn't that hard as I had learned how
to march in high school for band.  That kept me from bouncing,
but looking graceful was another thing.

	Even these things were nothing compared to what she really had
in mind for me in the long run.  I'll get to that in a minute.  

	Every time I went back to her things became more and more
complex.  She taught me how to act at parties.  This was so I
wouldn't be the wallflower I wanted to be nor the person who'd
stand out for the wrong reasons like most of my appearances at
gatherings.  I just couldn't believe how many rules there were
to being a hostess.  You had to be courteous and cordial and
always be prepared.  Was she trying to teach me to be a hostess
or a boy scout?  

	Then there were even more rules for being a guest.  She
explained that the vampires somewhat considered the slaves as
guests and thus my behavior was undesirable especially how I
treated the King recently.  I addressed him too harshly and this
attitude evokes negative feelings.  It didn't allow me to
maintain a trustworthy appearance that would be needed if I
wanted them to respect me.  Respect, she said was the ultimate
goal.

	Baby steps first.  I had to learn how to exude an air of
confidence.  I.e. learn to walk, sit, dress, talk, eat, drink,
and be merry correctly before anything else.  It was grueling
but I endured it.  Endurance was yet another task, "One must
never publicly display annoyance, frustration or anger."  It
took me a while to improve on this at all.

***

	I stretched and heard my back crack.  I was stiff all over. 
These damn vampires were putting me through the wringer.  They
treated me no differently than normal.  Plus, Kama now had me
stopping by every other day to drill me on etiquette.  The woman
wasn't going to stop until I was more refined than the sheerest
diamond.  

	I shivered at the thought of what I could become, a total prude
who cared little for the fun things in life.  No, Kama wouldn't
let that happen.  I rolled my head around my neck getting out
those kinks.  I wouldn't let that happen.

	I began wondering what was for breakfast.  I started walking
towards the kitchen when my eyes passed over a man in the slowly
diminishing crowd.  Off at the back of the room was a wrinkled,
feeble, old man.  He seemed so out of place in this thriving
community.  I made my way over, curious why they would bring
someone so old into our mists.  It wasn't until I was within a
few feet when I realized my mistake.  "Al?"  The old man lifted
his head wearily and looked up to me, his eyes dimmer than a
recently snuffed out candle.  Everything that had been on my
mind vanished.  Only he mattered at the moment.  I quickly went
to his side, pulled up a chair beside him, and took his hand in
mine.  It was cold.  It felt...  Well dead.  "Al what happened
to you."

	"Nothing for you to worry about Kiddo."  His voice was weak and
hoarse.  

	A week ago he looked his age, early 60's, today he looked 80. 
You can't tell me something didn't happen to cause that.  "No. 
You can't lie to me about this.  Something happened."  Hair can
not go from grey to white overnight without a shock to your
system, or bleach.  Wrinkles don't deepen and skin become dry as
parchment without a catalyst or many years.

	"There's nothing you can do about it.  I told you before, it's
just an old spat."

	It sank in, there's only one person I knew that could inflict
such damage onto a human.  "Keir."  He nodded.  

	He had never told me what he had done to become Keir's enemy,
besides stab him once.  Obviously it had been pretty bad since
Keir has come close to killing him a couple of times.  This time
didn't look as bad, as I didn't see any physical bruises.  Yet I
knew that meant nothing in this place.  Bruises and broken bones
could be mended in the matter of hours.  "Al, please tell me
what there is between you and he."  I held up a hand as he
started to protest.  "I may not be able to help you, but it
would just make me feel better."

	"I can't."  He said calmly.

	I bowed my head and examined his hand.  The blue lines his
veins made were clearly visible through his thin skin, yet his
hand was still strong as it held mine.  I had a flash in my mind
of a younger Al who stood up to the vampires.  A proud man.  A
man who almost escaped.  It was the first time I tried it on a
human.  I knew it was wrong to force my way inside his head and
for some reason I was too stupid to think I could do more harm
than good.

	I put myself in his place.  I felt the pain, the fatigue and
the sorrow.  For a brief instant so quick I wasn't sure it
happened I saw a young woman's face.  Was this Al's daughter,
Nikki?

	Encouraged by the contact and with a desire to know more I
probed.  There was a younger face now.  She was no more than a
small child.  Hiding behind me, I was protecting her from
something.  From Keir!  He growled in my face then disappeared. 
What did it all mean?  Al said his daughter wasn't kidnapped
until she was much older.  I decided to ask him.  "Who was that
you were protecting?"

	Al had been glumly examining his hands then his head snapped
up.  "That was you?"

	"I didn't mean to upset you."

	"Bad enough the vampires do it, now you!  Is nothing sacred?"

	"I'm sorry Al, I didn't mean-"

	"Just don't do it again."  He didn't sound angry now, I think I
would have felt better if he had been.

	"I'm sorry.  I wish there was something I could do to get Keir
off your back."  I knew if I asked nicely Keir would just harm
Al more just to deny me one more thing.  If I only knew more
about their feud I might be able to help.

	"Help me by going to get me something to eat, okay Kiddo?"

	"Sure Al."  I took his hand and held it as tight as I thought
the fragile thing could handle.

***

	Keir called for me the next night.  It would be the first time
I had seen him since the gathering.  I was fearful of what he
might do to me and I was angry at what he did to Al.  Still I
had no idea what he would do to me angry as he had been at the
gathering.  He didn't punish me as I expected.  He told me he
was amazed that I returned from Phoenix at all which I think is
the highest praise he could give me.  He still lectured me about
what I did wrong. 

	Maybe Keir took all his anger out on Al that he couldn't
release on me.  I tried bringing up the subject that night as
innocently as possible.  Keir wouldn't hear of it.  He
considered it a personal issue between them.  "He stabbed you
only once.  He's loyal, you know he wouldn't do it again."  He
didn't even look at me.  Maybe I missed how he used to treat me.
 Maybe I was just being stupid.  I just can't believe I said
this out loud.  "Jeez, did he do something to you in another
life?"  I suddenly found it very hard to breathe.  I clawed at
Keir's massive hand clutching my throat.  

	"Do not joke about what you do not know."  

	He knew if he did kill me the King would be upset so he
released me.  I crawled into a corner to catch my breath and
slow my heart.  He dragged me from there and fed from me while
it was still pumping fast.  Just like that I knew I could never
ask him about it again.  

	Kama had to know what happened between Keir and me.  No doubt
that's why she called me to her room after he reduced me to a
blathering idiot.  Still she was tactful enough not to bring it
up directly.  She had more diabolical plans for me.

	"Lesson number two; on the subject of Heremon." 

	"Do I have to?"  I rubbed my eyes tiredly.

	"Excuse me?"

	"You know I'd do just about anything for you, but I can't
exploit him like you would have me do.  It's not that I like him
or anything, I just not good at that sort of thing.  It's just
not me.  I'm sorry."  I waited for a refute instead I got
laughter.  It wasn't the conniving laughter she often did when
she knew she had me cornered.  No, this was a regular, funny ha
ha, laughter.  "What?"

	"Nothing, it's just you treat me the way you should treat them."

	"But I have no respect for them."

	"Hmm, that is a problem isn't it?  Keir and Heremon won't treat
you with respect until you treat them with respect and vice
versa.  They, of course, do respect you."

	"Huh?"

	"Oh come now, you should know you've earned your respect around
here."

	"Keir still wants to kill me!"

	"He'll always want to do that, it's part of his job.  It
doesn't mean he doesn't respect you."

	"I'm confused."

	"Look, you've proven you have strength of mind, will, and
leadership.  They see that and accept it.  You should accept
they have strengths too and respect them.  You don't have to
like the person, but show respect for them."

	"Yes Mistress."

	"This brings me back to what I was going to propose for Heremon
and now I think I will apply it to Keir as well.  You are to
make friends with them."  I bolted to my feet and she pushed me
right back down again.  "Be nice to him.  This will absolutely
infuriate them, not to mention confuse them, yet they can't
punish you for it."

	"So you want me to be submissive to them."

	"Not in the least.  Just give them more respect then they know
what to do with."

	"You know I've already tried this on Keir."  The thought of my
month of isolation with him filled me with horror.

	"No, that was before you attempted to escape and it was only
half hearted.  This has to be real to work.  Do you understand?"

	"Yes Mistress."

	"You will do it then?"

	"Yes Mistress."  I felt like a recorder repeating the same
thing over and over.  I did mean it though I would do it, not
just for her, but it was about time I got Keir and Heremon off
my back.

	"Now about this other little problem you have."

	"Oh no, not the self esteem issue again?"

	She got a wicked twinkle in her eye then to my astonishment
said, "No, you've come a long way.  I think the finishing
touches to that will come naturally as we work on your other
skills."

	"Then what?"

	"You must learn the etiquette of mind reading."

	Oh yeah, a vampire was telling me this?  I knew what I did to
Al was wrong, I kind of even knew when I did it.  I wasn't
planning on doing it again.

	"Like in everything else one must follow 'the golden rule.'  If
you do not wish others to force their way into your mind you
should not practice this as well."  She kept going before I
could apologize.  "The mind can be a very inviting thing. 
Surface thoughts are there for anybody to see.  These you cannot
help overhearing, like a loud conversation.  It is proper for
you to ignore inappropriate thoughts and not fault the person
for having them.  

	"Generally, especially with those who can not communicate back,
verbal communication is preferred.  Even us vampires have become
so accustomed to verbal communication we sometimes forget we can
communicate much more and faster mentally.  If there is at least
one person in the room who can not hear thoughts it is generally
considered rude not o talk aloud.  Somewhat similar to
whispering or speaking another language when there is someone
else who would not understand.  

	"Always, in all things, be considerate of other's feelings. 
Making someone do something they unknowingly or are naturally
unwilling to do is frowned upon but can be useful at times. 
This includes putting suggestions in their minds.  The most
common form of defensive telepathy is controlling a person's
physical movements.  This also is frowned upon if used
inappropriately or excessively. 

	"Above all memories are sacred.  If you find yourself in the
situation where you must read deeper, you must still respect the
person's memory.  Like everything there are exceptions.  Even
now you are thinking the King and others have violated these
very rules.  You are right and must not use them as examples. 
You are my student and thus must show more restraint and dignity
then they have to you.  Do you understand?"

	"Yes mistress."

	"Excellent.  Blocking others' invasions is nearly the same. 
With the King and several others if he requests to see into your
mind you must allow him.  You are permitted to keep a block
around your memories.  You may refuse a request to enter your
mind.  The King is the only one who has the right to ignore this
request.  You have a question?"

	I had barely even thought it, I suppose surface thoughts were
more than those that you consciously think.  "What do I do if
someone else ignores that request?"

	"Ideally you would fight off the invasion yourself.  I doubt
you are strong enough to now.  You can request help from someone
like Bram or myself.  Just beware that would me construed as a
sign of weakness."

	She indicated I could ask the next question I had.  "What about
those who can't protect themselves like the slaves?"

	"Unfortunately for the most part they are on their own. 
Occasionally when it is known that one is in danger from a
malicious invasion one or more of us will intervene."

	Dang, waiting until she acknowledged me was getting tedious. 
Nonetheless, I waited until she nodded to me.  "What kind of
situations is it acceptable to invade someone's thoughts?  I
mean only when I'm in danger?  What if they just refuse to give
me a piece of information I need but is not life threatening?"

	"The short answer is never.  In reality: in moments of danger. 
There are times when it's very tempting as it might seem the
easiest route, this is when your morals are tested.  Only give
in when you have exhausted all other possible routes and even
then try one more time to get your information another way, just
to be sure."

	It was a lot to think about.  My head was starting to hurt so
she spared me further lectures and permitted me sleep.

***

	During that time I began to notice changes.  Besides those in
myself, I wasn't called every night to a vampire's room.  Heck,
one week I only had two appointments, not counting Miss Kama and
Bram.  He and I saw each other occasionally.  I still wasn't
ready for the relationship so he kept his distance.  Miss Kama
spent more time with Kenneth and less with me.  I still wasn't
refined.  She just was in too good of a mood all the time to
keep harassing me.  

	Lacey didn't believe me when I told her what Miss Kama was
putting me through.  She thought I was covering up for some type
of perverted sex game.  Others noted that I was flourishing.  No
doubt I was holding myself better, sitting straighter and such
which exudes confidence and health.  I certainly felt better. 
Al had forgiven me and was also feeling better, though he now
required a cane to hold him up when he walked about.

	As for the rest of the slaves, the Doc was right about them. 
They forgave me for my speech and just about everything else. 
The ones I had talked to said they thought at the time I was
under the influence of the vampires and the fact that they were
all controlled to walk out proved it.  I halfheartedly argued
that I was in full control.  Truth is I didn't know if I was or
not.

	My good standing with the slaves solidified when it became my
turn to go back upstairs to the building and watch for hunters. 
Nothing exciting happened and that's the point.  I think it was
their opportunity to see that I really was just one of them.  We
played cards, I told them of my trip to Phoenix and they told me
of other trips to the outside.  Apparently once you've been out
it's okay to talk about these things.  Some told me how all they
did was go to the bank in the daytime to manage the vampire's
accounts.  Others said they had gone to do reconnaissance on a
person who was to become a slave.  Mostly all their adventures
were trivial things most normal people take for granted but
can't easily be done from inside a vampire complex in the middle
of nowhere.

	The night after my stint "upstairs" as everyone called it, I
got a lovely surprise.  Bram came to the slave court.  I hadn't
noticed his entrance as I was off in a corner writing.  "What's
this?  Writing in your journal?  Won't Keir be upset?"

	"He would be.  Fortunately I'm not."  I showed him the story I
had been working on.  

	"My stallion story."  Bram said as he fingered through the
pages.  He giggled lightly as he read.  The fact that he liked
it lifted my spirits.  He finished it and asked energetically,
"How would you like to ride one yourself?"

	I hopped to my feet, he always had such interesting sexual
innuendoes.

	He walked me down familiar halls.  This was not the way to his
room.  I knew nothing bad was going to happen yet shivers
started working their way over my body especially when the
grinding of a cement door assaulted my ears.  Bram placed a warm
arm around me and led me into the garage.

	When he first started to escort me down the row I feared we
were heading for the ambulances.  Wrong again he stopped in
front of the Lamborghini.  "Happy Birthday."  He sparked as he
opened the door.

	Through my joy I could hardly talk and nearly broke out
laughing when I said referring to the logo, "But this is a
bull."  I avoided adding that there was no room to ride anything
inside it.

	"There's more, get in."  

	I hesitated.  "I suppose you can't drive either."

	"Nope.  Don't worry, I know you won't crash her."

	"Such confidence."  I got in anyway.  The seat hugged me and
felt natural.  Bram closed the shiny red door and entered the
passenger side.  He made sure to buckle up I noticed.

	The keys were already in and I turned it on.  This time not
forgetting the clutch and to put it in neutral, I slowly eased
the gas and we were off. 

***

	I turned the wheel and we screeched around another bend.  My
stomach clenched as I felt her giving a little to the side and
thought she'd go on two wheels again.  I released the gas
slightly and she steadied herself.  

	Bram was as relaxed as a sleeping drunk and nearly slurred when
he said, "Pull up to the side here."

	I slowed and pulled into the little shoulder that was put on
the road for sightseers to stop at.  Maybe he just wanted to
look at the few lights that glittered over the land below.  I
asked anyway, "My driving that bad?"

	"No, It's fine.  This is our stop."

	"Here?  In the middle of nowhere?"

	"Do you know a better place to have a picnic?"

	I had to admit I didn't.  "This isn't called lover's leap by
chance?"  I looked around for a sign.  Found it.  Close enough,
the little sign read "Nezhoni Lookout."  I found out later
nezhoni was Navajo for pretty.  Not that there were many pretty
things to lookout at in the dark. 

	Bram produced a basket and blanket from the trunk in front. 
The slight wind ruffled his white T-shirt and pressed it against
his well-defined muscles.  I wondered if he got cold.  It
mustn't be more than 60 degrees out.  When I was younger that
temperature didn't bother me.  Now, without my layers of fat to
protect me I was down right cold.  I rubbed my arms and all that
did was send shivers through my body.  Bram had thoughtfully
planned ahead and said, "I should have advised you to dress
warm.  No problem though."  He took a jacket out of the trunk
and wrapped it around my shoulders.  He of course didn't really
need one, not like he would die of frostbite.

	We crossed the little road, jumped the barb wire fence and
walked a little ways through a cleft in the hills to a pasture. 
He chose a spot at random and shook out a blanket.  I helped
unload the food and we ate leisurely.  

	"So, what did you do today?"  Bram asked handing me an after
dinner drink.

	"I made friends with Heremon."  I said proudly.  He nearly
dropped his glass.  "Kama suggested I should play nice so I went
up to him and apologized for being a brat.  He said he was sorry
for being mean and we went our separate ways."

	"As easy as that?"  He stewed a bit.

	"Well... no, I had butterflies for hours, it took me at least
one to convince myself to go over to talk to him."

	"So you're friends now?"  He said snippily.

	"Well... acquaintances I guess.  It's more like we have a
truce."

	"Yes, we'll see how long it lasts."

	"You don't think I can keep it?"

	"It's not you.  Heremon's notorious for treachery."

	Great make me lose what little respect I had for the guy.  Nah,
I couldn't unless he did something to me.  "What about Keir?"

	"What about him?"

	"Well Kama said I should do the same with him."

	"I think you'll find Keir a little bit harder than Heremon. 
Although..."  He went off into space for a moment and curious as
to whom he might be having a conversation with I went looking in
his mind for an image or something.  He came back to me before I
could get started.  "It would probably be good for you.  I can
probably help too."

	"Yeah?  How?"

	"I'll put in a good word for you."  Oh yeah, sure that would
help.  As if Keir ever listened to him.

	"Thanks."  I said anyway.  We grew quite for a moment as the
crickets chirped.

I watched the moon lazily float through the sky and wondered at
the brightness of the Milky Way.  It's a sight you don't often
see in the city.

	Just as idly thoughts drifted around my mind.  Until I hit upon
an interesting subject:  "How is your search for the hunter
going?"

	He bristled slightly and I realized I couldn't quite feel why. 
For the first time in a while I realized he was blocking me, yet
he seemed open enough when he said, "Not well.  We have lost all
trace of him.  He knows how to cover his tracks.  No one in town
saw him and he disappeared in the crowd in Phoenix.  The other
hunters couldn't be tracked beyond the town as they used all
fake names, they were careful to leave no other evidence."  His
voice was sad.  I think he felt failure.

	"We did find a small clearing that looked to be camped in
recently and had a decent view of the valley with tire tracks
that looked fairly fresh and approximately the right size for
the car.  The police in Phoenix did find the car but it was
clean.  I suggested to them that the man was dangerous and to
begin a manhunt for him.  Nothing has come of that yet nor is it
likely to."

	"I'm sorry to hear that."  I was sorry, the only thing was I
didn't feel the sympathy I normally did with him.  

	We talked for a little while and I thought it was odd for him
to bring this up, perhaps it was on his mind after I brought up
the hunt.  Bram asked, "Al's getting on in years isn't he?"

	"I suppose, though to a vampire he must seem only a child at
63."

	"Yes, but for a human..."

	"Well, even humans are getting to live beyond 90 quite often."

	"The infirmities must start setting in sometime before then."

	"Sometimes.  I did know people in their 80's who still dance
energetically."  I knew this wasn't just some argument over age.
 Bram never brought up a subject unless there was a reason for
it.  Even so, I knew I should not ask him directly, he would
have brought it up directly had he wanted that.  Softly I
searched his outer thoughts.  There was nothing there.  I tried
to dig deeper.  At every try I was blocked, what was he hiding? 
Why would he bring something like this up if he didn't want me
to know?  Maybe he wanted me to come to my own conclusion then
he could say he didn't tell me?  What conclusion could I come to
after seeing Al practically dying and Bram's hint about age... 
Had I been right?  Would they not let someone that old remain in
servitude?  Was Bram hinting at this so I wouldn't be upset when
I heard he had been assigned to kill Al?  With my eyes I begged
Bram to tell me it wasn't true.

	"You are to tell no one.  Do you understand?"  He asked
emphatically.  "Not Lacey, not Kama, and especially not Al."

	"But shouldn't he be given the chance...?"

	Bram shook his head sadly.  We both knew no one here could do
anything of their own volition.  I wanted to cry for Al.  I did
a little.  I also knew this was probably best for him as his
servitude would soon be over.

	"Think of the bright side it will be my lush lips drinking in
his sweet blood."  I rolled my eyes for I knew what was coming.

	He leaned over to kiss me.  I wasn't going to let him that
easily.  I turned my cheek.  "What's wrong?"  

	"Nothing."  Grateful for the distraction from the depressing
news I smiled coyly and got up.  He quickly got the idea and
chased after me trying to get his kiss.  It wasn't as if he
couldn't have caught me in the first second.  It was a game and
he let me run quite a bit ahead of him before he even started to
catch up.  It wasn't the first time we played like that, nor
would it be the last.  This time he had a plan and I was running
straight for it.

	Several horses grazed lazily until they spotted us.  They must
have been tame for they didn't run.  They pretended we weren't
there.  I saw them early and each time I tried to run in a
direction that would take me from them Bram corralled me back. 
When we were close enough he finally caught me from behind and
got his kiss.  "You're not going to feed from them are you?"  I
knew he wasn't.  I just wasn't sure I liked the alternative.

	"Come on."  He pulled me with him.  I dug my heels into the
ground.  "What's the matter?"

	"I haven't ridden a horse since I was 8."

	"So?  It's like... What do they say you never forget?  

	"How to ride a bike?"

	"That's it."  If I rolled my eyes anymore I'd be seeing
backwards.  "You like horses, come on."

	"I like to look at horses."  He sighed knowing why I was
reluctant.  "I fell off that horse."

	"And you never got back on did you?"

	"Well I was bleeding rather bad, and we had to go bandage up my
elbow."

	"Typical."  He went over to one of the horses and started
petting it.  Maybe it was asleep for it didn't seem to notice
him.

	"What's that supposed to mean?"

	"Nothing."  He mounted the horse bareback and stretched out his
hand to help me up.

	"No it means something, otherwise you wouldn't have said it." 
I tried entering his mind but I was too uptight.  The horse only
shook its head like getting rid of cobwebs.

	"Just give me your hand."

	"No."

	What could he have meant?  Just because I didn't want to get on
a horse doesn't mean I'm afraid of them.  Just afraid of falling
off.  "There, you see."  He said knowing what I had just
thought, "Now come on."

	"Wait a minute, how is afraid of falling typical?"

	"Toni."  Exasperated he moved his horse closer to me so he
could grab onto me himself. 	I took a couple of steps backwards.
 "No, that's not it either is it?  It's because I didn't get
back on right."

	"If you must know, yes."

	"But still, typical?"  I had to think for a minute, I couldn't
believe it was taking me this long to put two and two together. 
Maybe it's because these damn vampires had such control of my
mind that I would call two and two; five if they wanted me to. 
"Because I gave up?"

	He closed his eyes and petted his horse's mane.  "Bram?  Is
that it?  Is it typical because I just gave up to the vampires
and don't fight them anymore?"

	"Just get on the horse Toni."  He wouldn't answer my question,
which of course meant I had nailed it right on the head.  I
never thought that Bram would be ashamed of me, but I see now
that he was.  I used to be strong and proud, and now I was weak
and pacified.  He had liked me as the former, and had a problem
with the later.  I was still that strong willed person.  I just
was choosing my fights.  The one against the vampires just
wasn't worth the pain I was causing everyone including myself. 
I finally realized that and have come to terms with it.  Why
couldn't he?  

	I looked around as I thought and spied a large stallion just a
few yards off.  He was a bay with a thin white stripe on his
forehead.  I resent that Bram would think I would quit at
anything.  I resented that I would quit.  I made it my purpose
in life when I was very young to never quit anything.  While it
may have fallen through several times, I've never honestly and
consciously given up anything.  So determined, I marched towards
the large horse and spoke to him softly in hopes that Bram
wouldn't hear.  "All right big boy.  I'm gonna ride you and
you're not gonna give me much of a fuss right?  So just let me
up."  I put my hand out to pat his neck and he whinnied then
stepped aside.  "Come on boy, be nice."  I tried to lay my hand
on his muzzle and he reared.  "Oh boy."  I saw those two large
hoofs and wondered how smart this was.  Not very I assume.

	The stallion trotted off a couple of yards and I caught up with
him again.  "All right boy, listen here, I'm taking charge and
you're gonna like it."  I managed to grab a handful of his mane
and tried to jump onto his back.  I failed miserably.  I heard
laughter behind me and I shot a cruel look back at Bram who
became quiet again.  I tried several more times to mount the
stallion but he didn't cooperate with me at all.  I wanted to
curse the horse and walk away, that of course would prove Bram's
point.  On the other hand the horse was tiring of me and pawed
the ground nervously which of course made me apprehensive. 
Knowing this was my last chance I made a lunge for him.  I
landed halfway across his back.  I'm sure he didn't like it and
my ribs weren't too happy with me either.

	Finally I felt a hand at my back tugging at my shirt, and the
next thing I knew I was sitting on the stallion's back.  I
looked over to find Bram grinning widely.  "Thanks."  I muttered
under my breath.  I gripped the stallion's mane firmly in my
hands as I wasn't feeling all to stable atop him and once I
caught my breath leaned over and whispered in his ear.  "You
knock me off I'll have my friend here drain you of all your life
blood, got me big boy?"  He whinnied as if he understood and he
didn't move until I was ready for him to.

	I took a few moments to balance myself on him then I pushed my
heels into his side very softly.  I don't think he even felt it.
 "Giddyap."  I whipped his mane a little bit.  He took two steps
and shook his head.  Bram moved along side me.  I didn't want
him to help, not after the argument.  I kicked my heels harder
this time and he started to trot.

	I nearly fell off as I wasn't ready for the acceleration.  Then
I leaned too far in the opposite direction and started slipping.
 I grabbed the horse's mane hard which startled him and he shook
vigorously.  I was loosing control fast.

	Bram rushed in front of the horse and put a calming hand on his
muzzle.  The horse immediately calmed and I settled myself
again.  I got a better grip with my knees before Bram moved out
of the way and we started moving side by side.  I almost asked
him if he could communicate with animals.  I backed off only
because I didn't wish to over boil the pot.  It was obvious he
could know their feelings the same way I knew his without being
in mental communication with him.

	After we rode for a while Bram trotted silently beside me.  He
didn't seem in the mood to talk.  In hindsight I was probably
the one being unreasonable and unapproachable.  There and then I
thought he was still upset at me.  What a way to spend my
birthday.  I knew it wouldn't make things better but I had to
break the silence somehow; "Would you rather the vampires kill
me for being insubordinate?"

	"They won't kill you."  He didn't look at me.

	I wasn't too sure.  "Accidents" happen.  The next time someone
drained to much and put on a life support system, it might fail
and it wouldn't be because I hadn't fixed it properly.  I didn't
say any of this, though I was sure he knew I was thinking it,
instead I asked, "What's wrong with me compromising to make my
life a little easier?"

	"How is your life any easier?"

	"I'm here with you aren't I?"

	"This is just an illusion."

	"The horse beneath me feels real enough."

	"Not that sort of illusion.  Right now you have a little
breathing room.  You're only here because the King allowed me
supervised visits with you.  We're being monitored right now."

	"What?"  I looked around there was no one there.  Of course
not.  I realized they weren't watching us with their own eyes. 
I looked at Bram and I knew he wasn't the only one looking at me.

	I looked away.  "Haven't you wondered why you couldn't touch my
mind?  They're blocking us even now."

	"But I could feel you when we were together before."

	"They allow us to every now and then depending on the
circumstances.  If you think about it, it is only when we are in
my room."  I might not be able to know what he was feeling, that
was not true for him.  I was scared and bewildered.  He tried to
clear up my confusion at least.  "A lot of people are upset that
you have improved your telepathic skills."  He laughed softly,
"Scared is more like it.  The King has forbidden me from helping
you with it any further.  I wouldn't worry they're just being
paranoid.  You'll be reading my mind again before you know it."

	While his mind was inviting I wasn't sure I wanted to have the
ability with anyone else given recent events.  "What about other
humans?"

	He paused, "I do not know.  Probably not if they can help it. 
Knowing you, the King won't be able to block you for long."

	"I didn't realize I'd be able to read the humans too." 

	"No one did.  You surprised them and sent them in a panic.  I
don't know why they didn't see it coming.  Our minds really
aren't so different, just our blood.  Not as different from
human to horse."  He patted his horse's neck gently.  "Of course
the blood enhances our ability to sense things a normal person
can't.  Everyone projects their thoughts.  It's the receiving
that is the hard part.  We knew for a while your mind was strong
enough to sense others.  I'm sure you knew you were being
monitored, even if you didn't know the real reason.  Some
muffled your reception even as some of us tried to help you
refine it.  I suspect the only reason you were able to do what
you did is someone was being lax on you at the time.  Now though
you are only being allowed finite moments."

	"Not even moments like now when we're here all alone?"

	"Especially not now.  Paranoia is the strongest when the object
of such paranoia is out of reach."  When it was taking too long
for me to ponder his words he said half jokingly, "We might be
conspiring to take over."

	"Right, I'm a danger to the crown."

	"You're only a danger to yourself."  Of course how stupid of
me.  Giving in to vampires and swearing not to commit suicide
was bad for my health.

	"What do you want from me?"  I howled frustrated at the
unfairness of it all.  

	"I want the woman I fell in love with back." 

	"But if they're monitoring us all the time, I can't be like
that.  I can't fight them."  My chest convulsed and I fought the
tears.  "Bram, I can't take the pain anymore."

	"I know."

	"Then you understand, I'm doing all I can to survive."

	"Yes, I just wish there was another way."

	My horse knew I wasn't comfortable and therefore wasn't
himself.  Every now and then I would over compensate for a sharp
movement and Bram would rush to my rescue.  I never fell off. 
Bram wouldn't let me.  I watched him handle his horse, a dappled
grey mare, with ease.  He took to the horse as if he had done
this a thousand times before.  I wondered if he had ridden that
particular one before but was still a little too upset to make
peaceful conversation.  

	We had come to a creek and my horse for some reason was not
inclined to cross it.  Bram had jumped it and waited on the
other side.  I tried nudging him on as I had learned to do as we
rode.  I guess I nudged a little too hard as he bucked.  This
time I nearly did fly off had I not been gripping him so hard. 
Bram said, "Relax.  He'll calm down."

	Sure enough as I relaxed so did he.  My heart pounded as I sat
there thankful that I didn't go flying.  "He knows what to do,
you just need to trust him."  Bram rounded back to meet me.  Was
there something more to those words?  "He knows this isn't a
good place to cross, there's a more gradual incline a little
ways up."

***

	Everything hurt.  The inside of my thighs were raw from rubbing
against my jeans and in turn the horse's coarse hair.  The
outside was covered in scrapes from the long grass and bushes
and my muscles ached from gripping onto the horse.  My head and
teeth hurt just thinking about galloping.  Why was it people
liked this sport?

	My heart had stopped hurting.  As we laid on the blanket in
each other's arms, Bram played with my fingers mindlessly as I
lazily picked at the brown grass examining each blade I picked
out against the moonlight.  I favored a rather long one and
craftily reached across with it to tickle his nose, then ran it
down his neck.  He squirmed from start to finish as his vampire
senses made him that much more ticklish.  He grabbed that hand
and pulled me on top of him.  After a short struggle he had both
of my arms behind my back and pinned there lying on top of him,
stomach to stomach, the only thing in my vision was his
wonderfully deep eyes.  I tried to kiss him but he pulled on my
hands which automatically brought my head back a little.  I
smiled wickedly.  "Trying to be like Mistress Kama?  Are you
going to cow tie me and have your way with me?"  

	"Would you like me to?"  He asked hopefully.

	"No!"  He let me wiggle out of his grip.  I rolled onto my back
so I could stare at the stars.  Somehow mentioning Kama reminded
me of my time in the infirmary and thus of Dr. Wendel and the
medicine he was shoving down my throat and why.  "Bram, do you
think I'm crazy?"

	 "It's okay if you are because I'm crazy over you."  He
fingered the crook of my neck where he knew I was ticklish.

	I ignored his obvious attempt to distract me.

	"You knew and didn't tell me.  Did you know before or after you
kidnapped me?"

	He sucked on my index finger avoiding the question altogether. 
"You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts."

	"Bram!  I'm serious."

	"So am I."  He put his hands on my hips bringing me close to
him.  "It's part of what I love about you.  You're not insane
and you're not ordinary.  I didn't tell you, because I didn't
feel there was a need to voice it.  In your own way you knew. 
You just weren't ready to accept it."

	I leaned my forehead on his chest.  "I'm sick Bram, I need
help."

	"You're not so sick.  The Doctor makes it sound worse than it
is.  Besides we're all here to help."  He kissed the top of my
head.  "We'll keep you sane."  He then looked me up and down. 
"If I told you, you have a beautiful body would you hold it
against me?"

	"You're the sick one."

	"Yes, you're absolutely right.  I'll take my clothes off so you
can examine me."

	I did finally give in to him, if for no other reason than to
stop him from saying one more corny line.

	After we made love he scrutinized me.  "If there's one thing in
the world that you wanted to have most, what would it be?"  At
one time I thought I knew what I wanted.  I thought I wanted a
relationship with a man like him.  I thought I wanted a stable
life where all my needs were provided for.  I thought I'd like
to be independent.  I thought I'd like a lot of things.  That
was before I was brought here.  Now I didn't know what I wanted.

	I knew the answer he wished for me to say was "You Bram."  That
was what I should have said.  I'm sure he expected me to say
something to the extent of my sanity, death or escape, which
were related to what I was about to say.  They could never
satisfy me, for they would never each by themselves make me
happy.  As I watched the stallion I had ridden here gallop off
into the distance the answer came to me.  "My freedom."

	He looked away from me, tears in his eyes.  Of all things that
he could do for me, we both knew that was the one that he could
never provide.  He asked though.