Chapter 54
I could still feel him: on my lips, the roughness of his
stubble, his teeth pressed up against my skin, my hairs standing
on edge. I loved everything about the memory of the thing that
happened more than a month ago. Bram had bitten me and I loved
it. He had bitten me several times since. I thought perhaps as
time went on it would become less intense. If anything, it had
grown more so.
Everybody had what they wanted. I was a willing servant, but
was not being forced to do anything I didn't want to do. Bram
was the only one I'd slept with or been bitten by in a week.
Keir remained close but on a friendly basis. Kama praised me
for my conduct with the Queen. The Queen amazingly sent me a
thank you note for my gift. Finally, the slaves, while quietly
complaining about their treatment, were content. I was rather
happy with myself. I found my happiness wasn't conducive to
work.
I couldn't stop thinking about Bram or his hands all over me.
The sensations were annoying. I couldn't function. I wondered
if the Doc would give me medicine to quiet the "voices." I
didn't feel like being lectured so I didn't go see him.
I tried writing, but Keir still kept me from that. I tried
researching the hunters only to have the memories of last night
with Bram creep up. I pushed the thoughts out then did a new
websearch. Heremon still hadn't returned and now I was becoming
curious what was keeping him. I couldn't find any hunter
activity there, after all that was just something I made up.
According to the Mistress he had relatives down there so I
started learning about genealogy. Still, I couldn't get Bram
out of my head. So I figured physical activity would at least
keep my mind occupied rather than sitting idle.
The gym was empty except for me. I needed to get out some of
this pent up energy. I worked almost every machine in the gym
and still I felt frustrated. While the exercise made me tired
it did nothing to reduce the hormones that kept my mind floating
back to Bram.
I was on my twentieth pull-up now when I felt a hand on my
back. I smiled at first thinking it was Bram until I realized I
couldn't touch his mind. He couldn't have hidden that well from
me. Then quickly I realized I couldn't move. I froze there
with my chin just above the bar. A chilling voice entered my
mind. "Excellent. You have transformed yourself nicely." I
knew that voice and it was worse than I could have imagined.
No, it wasn't Keir. It was the King. Neglected all this time
by him and only now after all that's happened, only now that I
know of the prophecy and accepted my place here does he pay
attention to me. I did not ask for this attention, nor did I
want it.
He brushed the scars on my back through my tank top feeling the
multiple bumps. "These are healing well." His touch made me
feel as if millions of little insect legs danced over my skin.
His hands explored every muscle on my back and he followed the
line around my ribcage to my sternum. He was not too subtle in
feeling my breasts or thighs, but he didn't really seem
interested in me sexually. He scrutinized the scar on my wrist
from my suicide attempt so long ago. He poked and prodded my
muscles I guess to make sure they were lean and tight. Next he
pinched my skin above my hip to check my fat ratio. I didn't
think my current position was not ideal for that.
Next he began a barrage on my mind. I felt him instantly force
his way in breaking through all of my natural defenses. I
didn't even have time to fight him. Memories long forgotten
came to mind. They weren't so much those from my life before.
They were more like small unimportant events around here:
conversations with slaves, long hours at the computer or looming
over a circuit board, nights with various vampires and my
feelings about them. He felt my anger towards him, my love for
Bram and a dozen other emotions. I had the distinct impression
he deliberately tried to provoke a response from me. I kept my
emotions in check. When he had seen everything he retreated
just as fast as he entered and I was left wheeling.
Before I had recovered, he released my muscles from their
frozen position and I fell to the ground in a lump. Trying to
collect myself I pushed myself up to my knees and that was as
far as he'd let me go. He grasped my jaw with one hand
squeezing until my mouth opened. He looked inside obviously
checking my teeth. I felt like a dog under inspection at a
pedigree show. "Excellent form and they are even still sharp.
You are strong, loyal, and mentally prepared. Perfect for our
needs."
I wondered what those needs might be. Would I become a vampire
but still be a slave? Was that my destiny? If so, why become a
vampire at all?
"May I ask a question your Majesty?"
He didn't even give me a chance to ask. He knew what was on my
mind. "It is in your blood to be a vampire. You can either
accept it or live in misery for eternity."
I knew better than to ask anymore of him.
"You will report to Dr. Wendel. He will properly remove your
scar tissue and heal your wounds thus making you more
presentable." He fingered one of the many scars on my back.
"Except these." My heart fell. Was I to have them forever?
They were not the kind of scars that would make me proud. "I
wish for you to have a reminder of what you once were and how
far you've come. Be mindful that you do not earn any others in
the future."
"Yes, your Majesty."
He left me without ceremony. I dropped my head to the ground
and huddled there sobbing. I didn't want this. I didn't want
to still be under his control at least. It was going to happen
soon. I know it. Then I'd have no way out. I cried knowing
this is the end.
***
I sat on the infirmary bed waiting for my turn. Dr. Wendel had
seen me come in but was busy with bite victims. When he finally
sidled up to me he took one look at my red eyes, swollen from
crying. "You look like shit."
"You would too if you went through what I just did."
"And what's that?"
"The King-" I choked on the words and forced myself to keep
from crying. "Wants you to-" Damn the tears were welling up in
my eyes. I wiped them away before finishing. "He wants you to
remove my scars, all except those from the whipping."
He turned to a cart of equipment he had nearby. "I'm going to
increase your medicine. You're sounding a bit delusional again."
"I'm serious Doc. I didn't imagine this. You can ask him
yourself if you like."
Dr. Wendel stared me in the eye. "You are serious." He put
down the injector and put a hand on my shoulder. The look that
washed over his face told me he knew what this meant. "Are you
okay?"
"Do I look okay?"
"And you're still going through with it?"
"Look Doc would I be here if I had a choice?"
"You're right. I'm sorry." He looked around. "Why don't you
go into the back room? This is going to require some anesthetic
and you'll probably be groggy for a few hours afterwards."
I agreed and followed him there. On the way I thought of
something else. "Doc, what about that? The 'delusional' thing.
Will I still need medicine when..."
"When you're one of them?" He finished what I wouldn't, then
shrugged. "Here's the thing. I don't know. As I've mentioned
before, the drugs are only to help you relax and maintain
stability. Your problem is mental, not physical.
"What I do know, in laymen's terms: is the vampire 'virus,' for
lack of a better term, takes control of more than just the
blood." Dr. Wendel explained. "It effects the brain, various
organs, numerous glands, and the immune system. Based upon
experiments I've seen, the virus takes control of the human's
immune system, specifically the white blood cells, and
transforms it for its own purposes. Any new invasion, by virus,
bacteria, or even blade, is fought off with incredible speed and
the damaged cells replaced. It does not seem to do the same
with existing damaged cells. Your scars for example, the ones
we don't remove, will not be effected. The blood seems to take
a snapshot of your current condition and keeps it at that
physical level until your death."
"But-" It had to be there since he didn't really answer my
question.
"But..." Doc sighed. "The brain is a complex mechanism, while
the blood effects it, there is evidence that it doesn't effect
personality or emotions. Quite frankly, we've done some testing
that has been inconclusive. It may help you and at the same
time it may cause other problems."
"Such as?"
"That's just it; there is no way to be sure."
"At least not until it happens."
He nodded, then said. "Even then, it's not that simple to
diagnose a vampire."
"So I might be taking this medication for centuries?"
He looked at his feet, for the first time since I've known him,
he wasn't sure of himself and this last question put him over
the edge. "I'm afraid not. As I said, the vampire immune
system attacks every new invader, including medicine. We've
come up with a few fast acting remedies for certain conditions
that have beaten the immune system, but few have been permanent
solutions."
"What about the immune system inhibitor Terrance was using?"
Somehow I was feeling desperate. I didn't want to be unstable
for the rest of my life.
"Again, it's not a permanent solution." He looked out towards
the infirmary and beyond. "If you ask me, you'd be better off
if your suicide attempts were successful." He took several
things down out of cabinets. "Now if you'll just wait a few
minutes we'll be back to get started." He left and I glanced
over at the bottle of pills he placed on the counter with the
rest of the tools. I rolled my eyes at his blatant attempt to
give me a way out. I ignored it and stared at the wall while I
waited. I hate waiting.
It was more than a half an hour before someone entered the
room. Dr. Hilltop greeted me before I could say a word. "Dr.
Wendel asked me to take over for him."
"I can't blame him. He's not exactly happy with the situation."
"Hmmm." He said as a typical doctor would.
"You don't share his feelings?" I watched him prepare an
injector. He noticed the pill bottle examined it then me. "He
didn't order you to overdose me did he?"
"You know him better than that."
He injected me with what I figured was anesthetic. "I'm sorry."
His words confused me. Did he just inject me with the wrong
stuff? "F-For what?"
"I knew about Kama and Lowell. I almost told you that night
you came asking if I saw anything."
I looked at him and he started to become fuzzy. "It's okay."
I managed.
"I was afraid. Now that you will be one of them soon, I
thought I'd make my peace with you too."
I couldn't answer, my tongue was heavy and my eyelids felt as
if hammers pounded them.
I was in the infirmary for hours. The procedure left me with
tight raw skin. I was wrapped in a gauze as Dr. Hilltop told me
the pigment enhansers could not have light for six hours. Doc
Wendel only came to check on me once. Later Dr. Hilltop came by
to unwrap me, gave me a clean bill of health and sent me on my
way.
It was weird even the scaring I had from childhood had
disappeared. I stood in front of a mirror looking for a couple
that I'd never see again. My skin was smooth and all one color,
not exactly tanned but not pale either. I sighed. I liked what
I saw, but could I look myself in the eye later after all was
said and done?
***
Later I returned to the computer room. As I had no other
chores to do I figured I'd finish my research on Heremon's
genealogy. I was deep into it when I felt Bram's hands
caressing me and the taste of his salty skin on my tongue. I
closed my eyes trying to force the imagery out of my mind.
These sensations were a bit more intense than normal, and then I
realized they weren't coming from me. "Hi lover boy." I said
as the door opened.
"You're getting better at this." Bram closed the door behind
him.
"What do you expect when your projecting so intensely?"
"What's so interesting on the computer?" Now he did caress me
as his hands ran over my shoulders. I flinched a little as most
of my skin was still a little raw. "You're tense."
"I'm working."
He kissed my neck. "You've never let work stress you out
before."
"What part of 'I'm working' don't you understand?"
"What can I do to pull you away from your work?" He nibbled my
neck and started squeezing my shoulders firmly and forcefully.
"Ow!" I shrugged his hands off.
He backed off now and apologized. "I figured it would get your
attention. It works for Kama."
"First off, you're not her, second you're not doing it right."
I didn't like that I was being grouchy. I just couldn't help it.
He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I can do this right."
His lips slid down my ear lobe down the side of my neck. I
took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Slowly his lips parted
and moister from his mouth enveloped my neck. I let out a low
groan as his warm sharp teeth marked my shiny, new skin.
His hands moved across my breasts and I reached up to rub his
hair. My attention was now solely on him. His warmth took me
to a place thousands of miles away with a comfy fire, a fur rug
and green hills. I started breathing heavy. His deadly kiss
made me light headed and turned my fire up. His muscles held me
firm though I felt limp in them. I would melt into him if I
could.
I turned cold. I opened my eyes at least I tried. "Toni?" I
shivered slightly. "God, come on Toni, stay with me."
It was as if he was speaking through a tube. I couldn't
answer; my mouth was too dry. Bram pulled my eye lids open and
looked into them. "Shit! I took too much. I couldn't stop."
I tried to tell him I felt fine but he wouldn't listen. At
least I was still alive. He picked me up. I expected him to
rush me to the infirmary, instead he laid me on the pile of
blankets and pillows I had put in the corner of the room. He
elevated my legs, loosened a couple of the buttons on my blouse
and put a blanket on me. "Rest a little." He told me and
really I didn't have much choice but to do as I was told.
There were no dreams; just darkness. It horrified me.
When I woke I found myself safe in his embrace. "Hey." He
whispered.
"Hey." I hoarsely got out.
"I brought you some juice." He helped me sit a little so I
could drink. Then I cuddled up to him. I clenched his shirt
because I didn't want him to pull away from me. He had no
intention of leaving me. "Are you going to be okay?"
I nodded.
"I never should have bitten you."
"You can't kill me Bram. You never could and you never will.
It's just not in you."
"I'm not so sure." He felt guilty and for the life of me I
couldn't figure out why.
He lay with me for a while. I was still weak. Besides I've
had a long day. Finally I admitted why I had been so cranky
earlier. "The King came by this morning."
"I know."
"Do you know what he said?"
"I know the gist. Besides, I can see it." He fingered my arm
that was burnt last night.
I looked him deep in his eyes. "It's going to happen soon,
isn't it?"
"I don't know."
"I wish it would. I hate waiting. The anticipation kills me.
I just need to get this over with!"
"It's not that bad."
"What, being a vampire? I suppose not, but the anticipation of
it is. Now that's a thousand times more painful than Keir's
whipping." A shiver ran down my spine at the memory. Bram kept
my hand away from my remaining scars. "I can't take much more
of this. Every night I anticipate one of you coming up to me
and taking me to a secluded place to make me one of you. Then
nothing happens. Just when I think it will, it doesn't. Will
it be tonight? No. Again the next night I ask the same
question. Again and again. Perhaps it will be tomorrow but I
will not know until I lay my head down to sleep. Even then I
could wake up with a pain in my neck and blood in my mouth. I
hate waiting, not knowing what is to come."
"You'll know when it's time."
"That's what Mistress Kama said. What? I'll see it on the
schedule or something? Right there in-between cleaning the oven
and fixing Urquhart's laser propulsion system?"
"No." He brushed hair out of my eyes. "It will be clear to
you, when and who before it happens, that's all I can say."
Still so secretive after all I've been through and how close I
was to being a vampire! It was very frustrating.
"I don't know."
He said calmly, "You'll feel it. It will be similar to how you
feel me entering the room."
"Great a ten second warning."
"It'll be much more than that."
"Thirty seconds then." I frowned. I was half playing with
him, but I certainly didn't feel any better.
He hugged me knowing it was what I needed most. He spoke
soothingly, "It will be all right."
"You keep saying that, but it never is."
The tears started again. How could I go from being the
happiest I have ever been with him to a crying slobbering mess?
He held me and made comforting noises until I stopped.
He picked at the blanket we lay on. "You're hiding aren't you?"
I shook my head, just a little. I didn't really want to admit
it. I knew he wasn't being judgmental, but I hated answering
questions like that.
"They're your friends. They'll understand."
"No, they won't. I've let them down after years of fighting
and telling them to do the same. I quit. I gave in. I sold
out. They'll have no respect for me."
"They'll find out sooner or later."
"I'd rather they find out later thank you."
"Do you think they'll have more respect for you not telling
them ahead of time?"
"Stop it." I turned away from him. He's supposed to make this
easier not harder.
"Let's make a deal. You return to life as normal, and not be
so paranoid, and I will be there with you when it's time."
I agreed. I didn't really want to. It didn't seem like much
of a deal to me. Like everything else, I didn't see that I had
much of a choice.
***
Time passes so slowly when you're waiting for something to
happen. I did my duties, I fed a few vampires including one
downstairs, and even went on a couple uneventful trips outside.
If anyone noticed my change in appearance they didn't say
anything. Lacey did notice my solemn attitude and tried to lift
my spirits on occasion. Of course she wasn't much help as her
own spirits needed lifting. After my entreaty for her to go see
her father she came back balling to me. "He won't let me!"
"Who won't let you what?" At this point I really didn't have a
clue what she was talking about. She didn't answer, just dug
her face into her pillow. "Lacey, don't make me read your mind."
She raised her head to glare at me. I paused for a moment
because this was the second time I ever saw her hurt. The first
being my fault when she and the rest of the slaves got a lash
for me. I had a feeling I might be responsible for her black
eye now too. "I want my daddy." She cried.
"Oh, I'm sorry Lacey."
"For what?" She sniffled.
"Well, for that." I gestured to her eye.
"Huh?" She looked at me like I was insane.
"Didn't you get that for asking to see your father, as I
suggested?"
"Noooo." She acted like she wasn't going to tell me, then
whispered as if ashamed, "I wasn't paying attention. I tripped
over some weights and fell into the stair steppers."
"Then who wouldn't let you do what?" Man am I paranoid. I
mean I couldn't believe she made up such a cockamamy story to
hide that a vampire hit her.
"Dr. Wendel. He said he had too many patients to worry about
this. So now I have to walk around with a black eye."
"Is that really such a bad thing?" Sorry, I couldn't
sympathize; until recently I've walked around with much worse.
I don't think she even noticed though. "So what about your dad?"
"Oh. I went with Jerib to the town for a short visit."
"That's good."
"Well, not really. Dad wasn't happy to see a vampire with me.
Apparently a vampire killed my cousin David soon after the
hunter attack."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"What for now?"
"It was Bram." I admitted.
"I thought you said he gave up killing."
"Sounds simple doesn't it?" When she puts it like that, you'd
think it'd be as easy as giving up cigarettes. "The King
ordered it."
"Oh, I guess he didn't really have a choice. I wish we didn't
need the town. Dad's so stressed right now."
"I can't blame him."
"Dad didn't call the hunters you know."
"I know."
"He couldn't help it. They just invaded the town." She
emphasized.
"Okay."
"He even asked them to leave. He tried to tell them there was
no one here."
"It didn't help."
"No. Can't you understand he didn't want them there?"
I got the distinct impression she wasn't really talking to me.
"It's okay Lacey."
"Then why'd they kill David?"
"Why do you feel so persecuted? It was nothing personal."
Bram had told me before the three people he killed that night
were random.
"You can explain it to them. They'll listen to you, especially
when you're one of them."
Ah, that was it. Of course, in her mind, I already was.
"Yeah, I'll try." I said depressingly.
"Oh." She suddenly seemed to realize my mood. "Listen, I'm
going to go put some music on the jukebox. Maybe it'll cheer us
up. You want to come with me?"
I did if only to get my mind off my future. It didn't help.
Every time a vampire entered the room I watched them wondering
if this was it. If they looked at me, my heart would stop.
Some I prayed for them to be the one while others I attempted to
hide from. Yet I lived on Bram's word, I knew they weren't
coming for me because he was not here. When I was with him he
sufficiently kept my mind off the subject.
I listened more intently to the gossip circle now. There were
whispers of a vampire moving to a new room and another who would
be needing help to do some task for the King. There were also
rumors of a slave who would not be needing their cot any longer.
Everything was always general and never substantiated. I
couldn't help making my own conclusions.
I wondered if the slaves did know more than they were letting
on. I received strange glances from around the court. It
seemed some avoided me altogether. Of course I avoided being
around everybody whenever I could. I wasn't exactly holding up
my end of the bargain. I still hid in my computer room. Alas,
people knew they could find me there, just like when I used to
brood in the closet. So I found myself a new hiding place, a
place not many were allowed to go. I never asked permission,
but as no one stopped me, I figured it was okay.
Up on the rooftop of the building I could see people as dots
moving about the town living their lives as if they weren't
ruled by vampires. I didn't look south towards the town now.
There was nothing there for me. I watched the edges of the
horizon turn colors in the west with the warm sun on my face.
At least there was still some light in this world. A cool
breeze came off the mountains and sent a shiver down my back. I
rubbed my arms and then stared down at them. All healed now, no
cut nor burns. I wasn't bony but I wasn't strong.
They can't make me a vampire. I mean what kind of vampire
would I be? I'm broken, down trodden afraid to speak up for
myself, weak, and above all unwilling to hurt or kill anyone.
They couldn't possibly still want me as one of them.
I'm not one of them; the Queen's dinner proved that. I'm a
slave and will always be. Even if I was a vampire wouldn't they
still treat me as such. Oh sure, they wouldn't drink from me or
force me into their bed, but wouldn't they still have me
catering to their every need? Have me work my ass off like Wen
and Urquhart in the lab?
Maybe that would be for the best, it would keep me humble, keep
me from being pompous, aristocrat who expects the slaves, my
friends, to cater to my every need.
It's a beautiful sunset with all the colors, but it fades so
fast, like life. I could never sit with Bram and watch one of
these, or stay up to watch the sunrise, or do any of my favored
activities in the light. There will never again be children
playing in the parks laughing. No more family dinners during
the holidays. Nor hours on the phone with good friends. No
more cuddly puppies. No, none of those things I loved. Nor
would there be any of the bad things. No stories of airplane
crashes. No worries about war. No gang fights. No, the worst
I have now is a hard bite; even the rapeings and beatings
stopped long ago.
No, there were worse things. Never, never would I let them
control me. I'm my own person, and if the King doesn't like
that, well it was too damn bad. I'm not going to give up my
humanity for them. They can make me a vampire but they can't
make me unhuman.
The only thing is I didn't know if I could pull it off. How
changed would I be by the blood?
"I'm scared Al."
He made no sound when he walked up the stairs, but I knew he
was coming. Bram had taught me much about being aware of my
surroundings. I didn't need good hearing to sense him.
"There's many reasons you should be, but what in particular
scares you now? Death? I don't think so. You have never been
afraid of death. Why would you be now?"
"No, not death. Torture, pain, submission, maybe, but not
death."
"You're afraid they'll hurt you more?"
I laughed, I didn't find it amusing, but ironic and I explained
why. "They will every chance they get, for the next millennium
or so."
"I doubt that."
I didn't, but I wasn't going to go into it, for there was much
more that I feared. "The future is what I think I'm afraid of."
"Oh?" He asked curiously as he stood beside me watching the
sunset with interest.
"It looks very dark and gloomy, like the sky behind me."
"Yes that is behind you, and look at the glorious thing you
have to look forward to." I hate it when he waxes philosophy.
"You're not looking at the darkness behind you for a reason, why
should you focus on it in your future?"
"I don't want to be one of them Al, they are nothing but
darkness."
"Even Bram?"
"Yes, even Bram."
"'If I must die, I will encounter darkness as a bride, And hug
it in mine arms.'"
I understood the quotation in its context to our conversation,
but I couldn't quite place which Shakespearean play it was.
"Which one is that from?"
"'Measure for Measure.'" I hadn't read it yet so he went on to
explain, "Claudio being accused of begetting an illegitimate
child would rather die than live without honor. Sounds familiar
doesn't it? Though if you die now, you will be embracing that
darkness for eternity, yet in a different way. Ironic no?"
"No." I replied solemnly. I was not going to embrace the
darkness of the vampires. If I were to die, it would become a
permanent state. So I replied to him, falling back on a more
popular quote; "'Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that
struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no
more.'"
"It's always darkest before the dawn."
"Hey, that's not Shakespeare."
"Who says he had a line for every life event?"
I countered with another cliché, "Into each life some rain must
fall."
"It washes away the scum in the air."
"Shouldn't that be something like 'after the rain comes the
rainbow?'"
"Nah, I'm done with quotations."
"Okay, but when is the storm around me going to end?"
"Honestly, I don't know if it ever will. I'd say when you die
and go to heaven but..."
Not like that was going to happen. We stood silently for a
while watching the clouds turn from orange to deep red. "Are
you religious Al?"
He silently stared up at the clouds, then took a deep breath.
"I try to be. Sometimes... It's hard. I want to believe."
"The vampires make it hard huh?"
He smiled now. "It gives Keir another reason to hate me. I
believe in heaven. If I didn't-" he shrugged, "life after death
is a scary prospect."
"What about Hell?"
"It's probably better than this." I couldn't agree more.
"I'll probably get in trouble for this. There's a rumor-" He
stopped. I thought maybe a vampire had stopped him. Instead
when I looked at him a tear started rolling down his wrinkled
cheek. "Is it true?"
"Al, I-" I was going to say I didn't know what he was talking
about but he cut me off.
"I know you can read my mind damnit. Is it true?"
I nodded gravely.
He gripped the rusted railing that went around the edge of the
building. I thought he was having a heart attack right there.
Then he sank to his knees with his palms together pointed
upwards. I watched on, giving him a moment to make his silent
prayer. It's one of those awkward things, as I've never
formally prayed myself, I didn't know if I should kneel with
him. Somehow though, I didn't really believe his prayers would
be answered.
When he finished, I helped him to his feet. "Do you know any
details?" He asked slowly.
It was my turn to shrug. "Bram believes it will be him, but
doesn't know when."
"You'll let me know. Won't you Kiddo?"
"Of course Al." How couldn't I, after all, I was in the same
situation and knew how it felt to not know.
"At least it's someone I like." Al smirked. "It'd be my luck
that Keir would kill me, eh?"
"Could be worse. Could be Heremon."
"Yeah." He seemed to perk up a little. "So you and Keir huh?"
I can't get anything past him.
"We have a truce I suppose."
"Hmph."
"What?"
"Just be careful, Kiddo. You never know what you're getting
with him."
I knew the kind of response I'd get but decided to ask anyway.
"Are you ever going to tell me what it is between the two of
you?"
"Nope."
"You gonna tell me who it is you're in love with here?"
He grinned wickedly. I knew he'd take that secret to his grave.
After the sun had stolen all the color from the sky I turned to
Al. "Come. To paraphrase Homer; it is time I put aside desire
for food and drink. I will see young dawn with her rose red
fingers rise no more." I turned for the door.
Al fell into step beside me. "Ah, very appropriate. You and
Odysseus have much in common." Al mused.
"Yes both our lives are dictated by the desires of the
immortals."
"Actually I was thinking you both lead very tragic lives."
"That too."
***
My talk with Al, while depressing, helped me put things in
perspective and almost made me feel better about my fate.
Almost.
Days went faster. I worked, and I served, and I spent what
time I could with Bram. It all just kind of blurred together.
I didn't even know what month it was.
Every day I felt it getting closer. I felt it as the walls
pressing in on me. They inched towards me until it crushed my
heart.
Bram was right. I felt it. There was certainly a chill to the
air and I knew the temperature never varied in this place. I
knew what was coming. I knew who was coming. I knew there was
nothing I could do about it. No one told me. I just knew.
Strangely I felt no fear. While I didn't quite feel empty, I
didn't feel much.
I walked around the slave court most of the day in a daze. I
knew I should pack up my things. I didn't feel in the mood. It
was too much like accepting my fate. I thought about writing,
then threw that idea out the window. My mind was too blank for
that. Lacey and Kenneth both figured I was in another depressed
mood and tried to cheer me up. I have no idea what they were
doing but they cracked each other up. I couldn't concentrate
enough to laugh with them so despite their protesting I left
them.
The food in the kitchen smelt unappetizing. I knew I needed to
eat, I just couldn't bring myself to swallow more than a couple
bites full. Nothing, no matter how well cooked or sweet and
delicious it was to others, had any taste to me.
I walked past the closet, while the solitude was a little
inviting. I couldn't bring myself to shut myself in there. The
same went for the computer room. I never got that far anyway.
"Hey, beautiful. Are you all right?" Bram walked up to me and
I rushed into his arms. "Shhh..." He petted my hair. "Let's
not think about it. Come on." He dragged me along to the
recreation area of the slave court and we took up the unused
pool table. He knew me well. This would certainly take my mind
off what was to come.
The balls on the pool table had just cracked and began rolling
around the table. I heard the thump of a ball falling into a
pocket. I'd never know if I sank a solid or a stripe. It
didn't matter. I turned with a pool cue still in my hand to
find Keir walking through the slave court straight for me. I
looked to Bram and handed him my cue. Bram's eyes told me how
sad he was. "Toni-"
I kissed him, a luxurious, intimate kiss, as if it would be my
last. "It will be all right." My mind said to his and I meant
it.
Keir's hand gripped my upper arm and yanked me from him. Bram
roared slamming the cues down on the pool table scattering balls
onto the floor. The room and slave court fell silent as people
stopped to watch our drama unfold.
I put a hand on Bram's chest and mentally diverted his anger
with as much love as I could. I did this with images of us
together, happiness at the time I spent with him the last few
months, and the words I spoke aloud, "I must do as I'm told."
His rage subsided I kissed him softly again and allowed Keir to
pull me away. "Now's when you choose to learn that?!" He
called after me. I couldn't help but grin at his indignation.
***
Keir's room was cold and dark. I'm sure it wasn't any
different from normal but it felt like it. All of those
emotions that disappeared over time came rushing back and I
fought to remain calm. I remembered every time he hit me, and
forgot the more recent memories of how kind he's been. My heart
started beating hard and I found it hard to breathe. Now the
walls really did seem to be closing in and I felt as if they
pinned me to my spot. My eyes darted around looking for an
escape, but none could be found. I wanted to curl up into a
little ball and cry.
Keir wrapped his arms around me. The hug wasn't like Bram's.
It didn't make me feel safe. It did help me compose myself. I
took a few deep breaths then nodded to him. If we were going to
do this we might as well get it over with.
A tear did drip down my cheek though.
He led me to the couch and we sat together not saying a word.
He turned my head toward him and I looked at him as if I had
seen him for the first time. He was rather handsome and when he
smiled his features turned soft. He wasn't the monster I had
taken him for.
I rubbed his shiny scalp and pulled him closer for a kiss. It
was a short one but it relaxed me.
Remember that feeling of happiness I felt in Keir not too long
ago? It is back. This time it's not quite the same. He is
happy because he's triumphed over me, over Bram, over just about
everybody.
I felt his hunger. He must not have fed in a while preparing
for this. I shakily took his hand for I wasn't sure what else
to do. I spent the last few months anticipating this moment,
trying to imagine what it would be like, and now that I'm here I
hadn't the faintest clue what to do.
Keir gently held me. It was as if he had become a nurturing
father. I leaned into him trying to take some energy from him.
Instead I think I gave him all of mine. I sank down so that my
shoulder fell into his lap and my head bent and rested on his
arm. He patted my head and moved my hair away from my face and
neck.
I felt him bend down, hovering over me smelling my fear and
anticipation. I felt his rush of adrenaline tingling his skin.
It went through him as one felt in anticipation of love making.
I cringed waiting for the pinch of pain that was about to come.
I clenched my teeth and held my breath.
His hot breath washed over my skin.
A shiver ran through my body.
This was it.
His teeth pierced me.
By: Christine Schnell
