Chapter 3
Damn! I stepped three feet and hit a wall. I paced in the
opposite direction and five steps later hit the opposite wall.
Double damn! I tried the perpendicular direction and would have
come out with the same results had the bed not been in the way.
I couldn't even make a decent circle in here.
"Can you hand me the butter?" Someone far away said.
I needed to focus on something other than these four walls.
"How's that bacon coming?" Another voice echoed upon tile.
If I had something to keep my mind busy I wouldn't be hearing
other people's conversations.
"She bit me five times. Let me tell you when she got to my
groin-"
"Arrrrrggghhhh!" I yelled. I really didn't want to hear
other's conversations. Well, at least unsolicited ones. I took
a deep breath to relax and pictured Bram. If I could just focus
in on him, I'd be fine.
Still I felt them. One stubbed their toe and made mine smart.
The crack of the billiard balls made several look up from their
low conversations wondering what happened, and the smell of the
cooking bacon drove me crazy.
I sat on the bed, closed my eyes and let myself float away.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Repeat. A cloud
surrounded me and all I could see is grey fuzz with the outlines
of people moving about. He had to be there somewhere. I moved
from one indistinct figure to another. None felt like Bram. I
went further and tried harder until I finally came upon a
barrier. I knew he was on the other side. "Bram!" I called in
my mind. "Let down your defenses." I pushed on the wall and
felt it give a little like rubber but it didn't break. "Bram!"
"Not now." He pushed back gently the rubber wall bounced and
the world got foggier.
Bram turning me away? I don't think so. I punched through the
bubble like a needle through a balloon. Bram must have blocked
out everything else because it was pitch black here. "What's
going on, why are you blocking me."
"Because I'm in a meeting you're not supposed to be listening
in on. I promise you when we're through I will have all the
time in the world for you."
"How much longer will you be?"
"A while. I'm sorry."
"Is Keir there." I asked.
"I can't tell you that either, sorry."
"Okay." I relented and slowly backed out.
The blackness turned to clouds and the clouds dissipated to the
noise of the slaves' open minds.
"Do you want to trade your laundry duty for my dish duty or
not?"
I sighed and began pacing again. It didn't take me long to get
so bored of those four walls before I burst through the door and
went walking just to have something to do.
***
I entered the slave quarters. I don't even know why. I
shouldn't be showing my face here after what I had done. I
guess I wanted to see familiar surroundings. My mind was a blur
with the inrush of all of their uncontrolled thoughts. It
overwhelmed me slightly but it didn't seem to bother me as much
as I thought it would. It was like noisy fans, twenty dripping
faucets, a couple flocks of birds singing at the top of their
lungs, and a group of old ladies gossiping in the background.
Certainly more boisterous than when I was in my room, but at
least I could see their faces too.
A part of me wanted to leave. My gut or perhaps it was Al
whispering in my sub conscience, told me that this is a bad
idea. The thing is I needed to be in familiar surroundings. My
subortus happened to quickly. In my heart and mind I was still
a slave. These quarters were my home, well the only home I knew
for the previous five years.
I walked over to my bunk and started pulling out my boxes of
notebooks I had collected over the years. I began to wonder if
I should keep them. I didn't have the heart to throw them out,
but that was a different, time of my life, one I'd never be able
to relive. Isn't it strange how we always miss the past? When
I was a slave I missed my family, as a vampire I missed being a
slave. Now I wish for different things, well now doesn't
matter. Back then I was still in a transition period and had no
thought of the future.
No one paid any mind as I knelt there. The day before I was
still a slave and as far as they knew I still was. I didn't pay
any attention to them either. I flipped through one notebook to
see if it was worth keeping. The words "Socrates on the soul"
was scrawled in my messy writing at the top. A memory bright,
as if occurring now, popped up.
Bram leaned over my shoulder reading my notes when he happened
upon one of interest; "'Death is one of two things. Either it
is annihilation, and the dead have no consciousness of anything;
or, as we are told, it is really a change: a migration of the
soul from one place to another.' From Socrates. Very
profound."
His warm breath seemed so real, it was as if he stood behind me
now.
I nodded. "He may not have been speaking of vampires, but it
seems very close to what happened to you. Only problem is your
soul didn't really leave when you died."
"Some believe we never died." He countered.
"'Where life once was, now blood flows; where once the soul sat
in placidity, now it extends out to me. The soul is given life
from the blood and the blood surges on forever. '"
"Nice. Who wrote that?"
I smiled mischievously "I did."
Maybe Socrates did know. Maybe he knew the soul could be
transferred just as Al's had into me. I wondered if Socrates
knew Urquhart. Maybe Urquhart is Socrates. Nah, he didn't
appreciate my use of the Socratic method.
I wondered what other memories would stir to life as I flipped
to another page of my notes.
"I'll tell you what you can do for me." Kama spoke from a long
time ago, the memory was perfect, I could see just how her room
was. The warm glow of the candles and the smell of the incense
relaxed me. I remembered how I felt after I told her I would do
anything for her and she refused me.
"Anything." I said.
"Finish your list."
That list was in my hand now. Five numbers with words of what
I thought about myself next to them.
"Five good things about myself?" I asked her.
"Five things you like about yourself."
Quickly I thought of one. "Loyalty. I'm loyal to the vampires
now."
Her eyes flared. Okay, that's right, that was like the ones I
had before, an answer to an interview question. Not to mention,
I wasn't sure I liked that. I thought harder. "I have a good
sense of humor." Well, at least I thought I did.
Yeah, I'm loyal to vampires now. Too loyal. Kama had already
expressed how she felt about me giving in to them. I'm afraid
I've disappointed her yet again.
Thinking about this list forced my mind onto a tangent about
another list. My list of the dead and how it now missed a name.
Perhaps it wasn't my mind that brought it up as I felt someone
approach. Before she had reached me, I knew who it was and what
was on her mind. Perhaps it was getting easier picking
particular people out of the crowd. Of course Lacey always did
stand out.
"Toni?" Lacey's voice was quiet as if she didn't want to
interrupt me for once. Her mind wasn't at all as cluttered as I
thought it would have been. At the moment there was only two
things on it, concern for me, and the knowledge of Al's death.
Question was why was she concerned for me? Should I pry or let
her tell me in her own words?
I opted for the old fashion approach. "Yeah." I said without
looking up from my notebooks.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but Al's dead. He was drained
last night."
"I know."
"You know? How? I thought you just got here, that you were
with Keir all night. They wouldn't tell me who did it." She
stopped and seemed to have a twinkle of knowledge in her eye as
if she had a clue. Her brain didn't. "Oh. You watched Keir do
it? I'm so sorry."
I stood leaving the boxes there. I now admitted to myself this
whole thing was a bad idea. "No Lacey. I'm sorry." She was
confused, and rightfully so. "I killed Al."
She stood there flabbergasted, as if I had just spoken Latin to
her and then it clicked. "It happened? They turned you?"
I nodded. I didn't know what to say to her. This woman who
had been my friend for years, had talked to for hours on end. I
suddenly had nothing to say to her. "I have to go."
"Toni wait..." It was too late. I had already turned my back
on her in more ways then one.
***
The closet was dark and damp, and not at all pleasant, just the
place I should be after doing what I had done. Plagued by
feelings of remorse and the chatter of a hundred voices I buried
myself away where I hoped to build up a wall and never come out
from behind it.
I closed my eyes and slowly shut out the outside world.
Everything soon became quite I was slightly astonished that I
had so quickly managed to block everyone out. Yet something was
strange. The sting of the cleaning fluid didn't even reach my
nose.
"So you obtained your goals. Why aren't you happy?" I knew
that voice and I so wanted to never hear it again. I clenched
my eyes harder and built up more barriers. Just my luck it
wouldn't go away, in fact a body joined it. I felt him there,
it's all I felt around me, the boxes and rags had vanished. I
opened my eyes. Velren now stood above me with a light glowing
on him from somewhere in the distance. "You wanted to escape
slavery and be free, and be with Bram forever. You have that
now and you sulk here. I just don't understand you."
"This isn't happening." I tried reaching out for Bram. There
was nothing, nothing at all, not even from the man before me.
"What have you done? What is this? Where am I?"
"You are here."
"And here is?"
He shrugged his long hair bouncing on his shoulders. "It is
where you wish it."
"Velren!" I said exasperatedly.
"You are free from yourself and others, is that not what you
wish?"
"I'm more a prisoner now than ever. I am one of them now and I
have to follow their rules."
"You are so narrow minded. Can't you see the possibilities?
If you stay within the confines of your own mind you will not be
free."
"Come on Velren help me out here. What do you want?" I tried
to get inside his mind again. There simply was none to find. I
reached out to see if I could even touch him.
"So narrow minded indeed. Just because you perceive me as here
physically doesn't mean I really am."
"Right 'cause I'm not really here either is that it?"
"Now you are starting to understand."
"Oh, I give up!"
"I knew someone very much like you once." He told me sounding
disinterested in his own story. "Only she wouldn't sit in the
dark sulking. She'd take every setback as a learning
experience. If she thought the world was ending she'd find a
new world and lead a revolt against any who opposed her."
"Great, you're comparing me to some sort of superwoman."
He gave me a cockeyed smile. "I am forced to admit she had no
superpowers."
"Why don't you just go bother her? I'm sure she could solve
whatever it is you want easier than I."
"I have my reasons."
"Uh, so you want me to go out and use my vampire skills to save
the world from the vampires?"
"No, not exactly."
"Then what? I thought you wanted me to escape?"
"That is not what I wanted, that is what you wanted. I am
simply pointing out you now have new means to achieve your
goals."
"More games? Fine, whatever. I can play too. Here's a game:
are you real?"
"Excuse me?" He was taken aback, as if he just lost control of
the situation.
"Real; a corporeal being, physical, not artificial or illusory,
here in this universe sitting right before me, or am I going
insane and making you up?"
"Who speaks in riddles now? Real is a matter of perspective.
To some you may not be real. If I'm not mistaken you are dead
to many."
"Shut up." Now who was losing control? I didn't like being
reminded that there were people I could never see again. Or
perhaps he meant in the sense of people thinking vampires were
the undead, either way I didn't like it.
"If you are willing to accept that you are real and alive, then
you must accept I am as well."
"Okay, you're real, you want me to open my mind and I'm not
crazy. Then what? Am I just supposed to accept you and do
anything you wish me to? You sound as bad as they do."
"I do not wish you to go against your nature."
"Against my nature?" Click. He was manipulating me just as
much as Kama. There were times I could be led easier than
others. My anger rose with my understanding. "Did you put the
gun and dagger in here-" I looked around and remembered I wasn't
where I thought. "In the closet for me to find and tempt me to
kill myself?"
"Now why would I do that?"
"Of course." I rolled my eyes. "Let's say for argument's
sake, that you did, you also tried helping me escape, you've
also played around in what I assume were a couple hallucinations
and now this. You know it certainly doesn't sound like you're
being helpful to me. It almost sounds as if you're trying to
get me killed. So why should I listen to you at all?"
Especially, if he's only a figment of my imagination.
"Your path is not set, your future uncertain, do as you will
but not to me."
"My path?" That sounded like what he said in one of my
hallucinations. Was it a hallucination? "What about my-"
Like the surreal adventure it was with a pop and fizzle, he
vanished and I was back to reality in the closet with the
background noise of all the slaves' thoughts pounding my brain.
I almost wished for Velren's return. At least with him around
it was a little quieter. That and so I could question him
further. I have no idea what I did to prompt that response.
***
There wasn't much of a crowd as it wasn't morning yet but there
were enough people to see me walking through the court. To
those few, word already spread of my transformation and, to my
dismay, the murder I committed. The noise level was at least
two fold of normal as there were the usual whispered words and
each person's thoughts. Unsurprisingly there was no volume
control on thoughts therefore their noise level made the place
seem like Grand Central Station. It gave me a bit of a headache.
The two I passed playing chess hardly glanced my way but their
thoughts were scathing. Glimpses from across the room were
disapproving. I passed Mark who gave me a friendly hello, but
he was ignorant of the news.
I could feel Meg's distaste the moment she saw me and yet I
knew the response I'd get from my greeting would be congenial.
"Toni, you're looking well. I haven't seen you in a few days.
How's things?"
She thought, "You treacherous bitch. You were supposed to free
us and now you're one of them."
"I'd be better if people just said what was on their minds. I
never promised you anything. I'm sorry if I've disappointed
you."
"I don't have a clue what you're talk-"
"Yes, you do. You've been here long enough to know that I know
what you're thinking. I'm a vampire now, deal with it."
"Well, how rude."
"Yes, you're definitely one of them now acting all high and
mighty." She might as well have said it aloud.
The noise of the others, not to mention her own started to bug
me. It sounded as if they all slowly approached with their own
cynicism. "You just don't understand what it's like." She had
her own opinions but I wasn't paying attention anymore. I felt
hot and a little dizzy. I looked around. Besides Meg, no one
was even looking my way. "Excuse me." I said to her as I
stumbled away headed straight for the infirmary.
I slid onto a bed in the infirmary and stared up at the
ceiling. It looked like a normal ceiling. Voices seemed to be
coming from it. Voices seemed to be coming from everywhere and
none had any good things to say about me. Laughter, there was
definitely some laughter up there as well.
"Those beds are for humans Toni." Doc Wendel didn't even stop
to look at me. He didn't think so critically of me he only
stated a fact.
"I'm seeing things Doc."
He stopped gave me an exasperated look then said, "You're a
vampire now. Your senses are different."
"No, this is something else. This is a hallucination I had
before."
"Before what?" Now, this interested him.
"Before being a vampire. He's shown himself to me. His voice
has been in my head mocking me."
"Was this before or after I prescribed you the Geppetoin?"
"I don't know. It doesn't matter. You said I'd get better
with the vampire blood. I'm not getting better. I'm getting
worse. Everyone's staring at me, being nice to me but they're
really thinking horrid thoughts. I think I'm having paranoid
delusions."
"I said it was possible the blood would aid you. I had no way
of knowing until after it happened. I don't believe you're
insane..."
People started returning from serving other vampires. They
talked amongst themselves and their thoughts increased with the
conversations. Who knew the slaves could think so much? Those
who had work to do were the worst and their thoughts about
laundry and cooking broke my own concentration. Then there were
the gossips who weren't just thinking and talking about me and
Al but a dozen other vampires and their exploits.
"Mina says they're planning another gathering."
"Have you seen the new slave? I think they got her right off
the short bus."
"I can't believe Heremon wanted to sleep with Doug, Heather and
me!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I screamed in my head. The
discourses started to become unintelligible, like a bunch of
yapping teenagers in a bathroom.
"...honestly, I have no idea what I can do for you now. I have
no experience in treating vampires other than minor wounds."
Over the clamor I asked, "I'm sorry what?"
"Look, you might want to go see Dr. Shah."
"Who?"
"He's a vampire. He used to be a surgeon. He still studies
quite a bit and may know something of what's happening. It's
the best I can do for you."
"No, no, no. I don't want to see anyone else. You know me. I
don't want some strange quack examining me. If you think he'd
help can't you consult him or something?"
"You know my answer."
He was right. It was in his mind as plainly as written on his
face. He didn't deal in vampires. "Thanks for nothing, Doc."
I slid off the bed and slipped out the door.
I didn't feel any better after that. I felt outcast from those
I once was a part of. The vampires didn't exactly welcome me
with open arms either. The only place I knew I belonged was
with my computers. Computers don't judge people.
Outside the computer room I looked at the paper stapled to the
wall. How odd it was for me to see it from this different point
of view. All these names, most of which died at the vampire's
hands, er, teeth. At the time I added their names it seemed so
wrong for these people to have died needlessly. As I look at it
now I realize how good a service they were provided and were
released mercilessly with less pain than say those who were shot
down by hunters.
Now it was time for me to add one more name to the list. It
would be the last time I would write on this list, for I would
soon be turning it over to someone with a less biased opinion of
vampires. Still, I felt I owed it to Al to do this myself. I
wouldn't be honoring his memory if someone else did and I also
wouldn't be admitting who and what I was if I didn't do it. So
I wrote;
Al Kimble Drained by Antoninette Aloise.
By: Christine Schnell
