Chapter 10
When Bram returned me to my room and left me for his own, he
was all I could think about. This wasn't the first time I
couldn't sleep because of him. It's just for a different reason
this time. He didn't speak much on our drive back. Did my
asking about his past clam him up or something else?
Normally he gave information freely. So this seemed so out of
place. It's true he'd hidden personal things from me before.
This was different. He didn't even want to think about it, as
if he wanted to hide it from himself as well. Perhaps something
traumatic happened that he's trying to suppress? That must be
hard, as a vampire every memory I've ever made is now accessible
to me despite my horrid memory before. If I'd had something bad
happen to me I doubt I'd be able to keep them from popping up.
Hell, I do; the whipping. I relive that damn event almost every
night. It's as clear as when it happened and just as painful.
Of course Bram's had 1500 years to learn how to keep memories
from tormenting him. Over time I'm sure my own will disappear
and have others to replace them.
The whole night had been one big odd experience. Drinking from
a cow seemed so ludicrous now. I closed my eyes trying to
forget it.
My stomach, or heart, or whatever, wouldn't let me. My head
began pounding like someone banging out Also Sprach Zarathustra
on it. I felt weak and hungry and thirsty all at once.
It seems the cow didn't stay with me that long. I flipped over
onto my stomach trying to calm it a little. I flipped about ten
more times making me feel like a pancake before I finally gave
in and sought out Bram.
It upset me when I found him nestling Chris's neck but I knew
he hadn't fed that night so I let it slide. "I don't feel
good."
Perhaps he still didn't want to talk to me after my inquisition
or maybe being interrupted irritated him either way he answered
brusquely; "Cows don't have the same nutrients so you need to
feed more. If it wasn't just practice you might have taken the
entire herd. Go drink from a servant to make up the difference."
Yes, I knew that was what I should have done first, I just
wanted to get a little comfort. It didn't look as if I'd get it
here, so I pulled away from his thoughts.
I thought about Virginia and when I managed to isolate her
thoughts I thought about having a slave come to feed me.
A short while later a knock came at my door and I let in a
feeble looking, middle-aged man who smelled of sweat. I saw in
his mind he'd been working out. We exchanged pleasantries and I
learned his name was Leonard. Virginia was doing her job well
not sending me people whom I've befriended over the years.
Still fairly new at this Leonard was a bit nervous. I bit him
softly and didn't take too much as he looked too frail. He
acted grateful at my delicateness and his mind spoke to me of
the harsh way he'd been treated since his arrival. I wanted to
tell him it would get better, however I knew it probably
wouldn't so I just tried to be pleasant and let him go on his
way.
The problem was, only a few hours later I woke my stomach
growling and my heart constricted. I was hungry again. I
buried my face in my pillow and ignored it the best I could.
When I did sleep it was filled with fitful dreams. There were
struggles with invisible monsters and worse; desires for someone
I couldn't touch let alone see clearly. Her deep auburn curls
flitted before me and I had urges I'd rather not talk about
here.
When I woke a face and name attached itself to the dreams;
Missy. The dreams were an influence from Al no doubt. Still
they made me want to see and talk with her. Perhaps a
distraction would keep the hunger away.
***
Missy expected me so I knocked out of curtesy while I opened
the door. She gestured to a chair and I sat. I didn't know why
I was here other than I had a deep desire to be. Thanks Al.
"So… how have you been?" I asked nervously.
"Good. You?"
"Fine." I lied. She knew. I could tell by her raised eyebrow.
"You seem to be adjusting well." She said it casually except I
could tell she was having a hard time being comfortable with me
still.
I was going to lie and agree with her. Al pressed me to be
honest with her. "Not really. I'm okay with some aspects, but
others…"
"Oh? Like what?"
Al pushed a memory into my head. To me it was all a blur:
things like a dark moving alley, fangs and such. As I began to
speak somehow what I said made sense. "Do you remember when you
saved me- I mean Al from Doru?"
"I see." The sparkle in her eye told me she did indeed and
more. Still I only had part of the story. I tried to pull more
of the memory forward, why was Al in danger? Who was Doru? The
memory wouldn't come.
Missy knew my torment and supplied me the answers. Her memory
was clearer and seen from a different angle and understanding.
She saw herself driving with Al through an anonymous city. Then
they encountered another vampire who called himself Doru she
knew then he was trouble and finally she witnessed Al running
down an alley away from him. By the time she got to Al he was
half drained. With fury she ripped Doru off Al and told him.
"If you ever touch one of our servi, I will rip your head off."
Still I felt there was more to it. Why would Al bring this up
in the first place? "What relevance does this have to me?" I
asked aloud only half realizing it.
"Doru was not a new vampire. He was alone though and because
of that he had, well I suppose you could call it emotional
problems. Obviously some part of you sympathizes otherwise the
memory would not have found its way to the surface." Yes, I
have felt somewhat abandoned recently: Al's more or less gone, I
avoid all my former slave friends, Kama has her own issues, and
even Bram has distanced himself. Was it as simple as that?
"Al brought it up! I didn't. It's his memory after all."
"Yes." She said thoughtfully. "It is complicated how the
captus anima interacts-"
"The what?"
She returned my quizzical expression. "You are unfamiliar with
our lexicon? Has Keir taught you nothing?"
I shrugged. "He teaches me what he believes important."
"Perhaps." Is all she said on the matter but her mind was
alive with ideas of taking that information to the King.
Leaving her to learn on her own! Why if Netikerty did that,
the King would have exiled us both. Missy thought.
"Netikerty?" I asked. My stifled excitement nearly made my
voice squeak.
"Keir has not told you it is not proper for you to-"
"She's your genitor." I didn't even need to ask for it was
there plain as day. The fact that I did use one of their terms
passed easily over her head.
"Yes." She said hesitantly.
"Tell me about her please." I was close to something I knew
it. I could smell it like- well like blood in the water.
"You don't know anything about her?"
"Only her name and she did some kind of research."
"Strange that you know nothing as you occupy the same room she
once had."
"Really? Tell me more, please."
"She was a lovely woman, unbelievably ancient, older than
Urquhart. Smartest woman I've ever known. She impressed me so
that I never thought twice about going with her nor my subortus.
She was secretive. She didn't like to talk about her work even
to me as I am considered the gens amanuensis."
There was remorse and a little bit of anger in her mind but she
kept it well.
"What was her relationship with Erik?"
This confused Missy greatly. "Erik? None that I know. Why?"
"He left me something that might have been hers." I tried my
damnedest to keep the thing out of my head. I brushed the whole
thing aside. "Nothing important." I lied. I had a feeling
this wasn't the time for revealing my search.
I could tell she didn't believe me but she let it slide and
cleared her throat then said, "As I was saying, the captus anima
or 'captured soul' interacts with the subconscious, each in
their own way. It's difficult to predict how different people
will react. Sometimes to know where one's thoughts end and
another's begins. Mostly it's best to ignore them altogether."
"Easy for you to say."
The part of me that Al took over wanted me to comfort her, hold
her, and be gentle with her. I just wanted a little peace.
The voices of the living, like a discorded chorus of untuned
violins, kept fighting for attention too. I leaned my head back
and closed my eyes. I wished I was somewhere else, not here,
not a vampire.
"Is everything all right?" She asked after some time.
I still haven't gotten the hang of lying, besides what's the
use around a vampire who could read your mind? She'd almost
seen through my previous lie so I told her the truth, just not
all of it. "I'm still hungry."
"Have you not fed recently?"
I told her about the episode with the cow and the slave,
neither satisfying me.
"Sometimes you need something more." Missy declared.
She moved in closer and I felt her intentions. Somehow they
didn't repulse me. She slowly raised her arm across the gap
between us. My mouth watered at the thought, however I wanted
more. Maybe it was Al that wanted to bring her closer, or it
could have been the hunger that drove me. I took her arm and
pulled her in.
A small squeak of surprise emitted from her. She had expected
me only to bite her arm. I brushed her curly red hair aside as
I bit into her neck. She wrapped her arms around me and held on
tight. Her fingers seized and released my shoulders with every
beat of her heart. She let out a soft moan as my tongue prodded
her wound pushing more blood out.
I slid my hand into her ginger curls as I had many times
before. I wanted to lock my lips around hers.... No, that was
what Al wanted. I wanted a different piece of her.
The iron aroma of the blood reminded me I'm not him even as the
power spread through my body making his feelings for her even
more powerful in me. Her blood was different. It was savory
like a well-aged Cabernet Sauvignon. It was full-bodied. There
were hundreds of flavors mixed together, of blood and lives
she's experienced. Yet it tasted purer than any human's;
untainted by roughage.
It certainly was different from any human I'd tasted, different
too from Bram's. His is the only vampire blood I've had. His
was more of an exchange anyway as he took some of mine in return
and other feelings were going on at the time so I didn't have a
chance to really savor it. Well, I also tasted Keir's blood but
I don't want to think about that right now.
While I didn't believe I'd gain any of her knowledge or
abilities or whatever else one might come up with thinking
vampire blood would do to you. I was fairly sure that it would
satisfy me more than anything else I had drunk this night. I
also knew it tasted a whole hell of a lot better than the
others. Most of all, I knew I wanted more.
Each little bit I took in made me ache for more. It was like
eating the richest, softest chocolate in the world. It melts in
your mouth so fast you hardly have a chance to relish it and so
you keep eating it until you either finish the box or make
yourself sick.
I was not afraid of finishing this box. The thought never
crossed my mind that I might even be getting close. I had long
ago (in reality it was not more than a minute) stopped sensing
her hands clutching my back, her desire or even her thoughts in
my own head. None of those things mattered to me. There was
only blood giving me a high like nothing I'd ever felt before.
I was floating in bliss.
"You'll kill her Kiddo." If it weren't for those words I
probably would have.
I opened my eyes to look for the voice, not realizing it came
from within me.
When I did open my eyes it was like a revelation from God had
struck me. Missy was limp in my arms I couldn't hear her heart
nor breath. I lifted my head to look at her face. Gasping I
dropped her. Her eyes were open and glazed over, her skin
horribly white and was sunken around her bones. Only a tiny
drop of blood exited the wound I left open.
I stood and stepped away from her. I couldn't take my eyes off
her, horrified at what I'd done. I had done that! How could I
have-?
My back hit the wall stunning me for a moment. I slid to the
ground, pulled my knees to my chest and started sobbing. It had
tasted so good, made me feel so… so powerful. Worst of all, I
still wanted more and I fought myself from crawling over there
and finishing her off. I couldn't do that. Not because it was
wrong, but because Al didn't want me to. Al's happy memories of
her kept me in my place, blinded me from the sight of her mauled
body.
Still a part of me did see her and knew I had to do something.
I couldn't just leave her like that. The brief thought of me
giving back some of her blood crossed my mind. I pushed it away
quickly enough. It was mine now. I didn't want to give it up
for anything.
If not mine, then whose? Al helped there as well. One of his
happy memories had him laughing with Missy and one other over a
bottle of champagne.
I sought out the blonde hair thoughts amongst all the others in
the slave court and ended my search looking at a drawing of a
red haired woman modeling a skimpy, green, halter top. It
looked suspiciously like Missy. According to Lacey's thoughts
she was designing a new outfit for Missy. And some people claim
there's no synchronicity in the world.
A simple manipulation of her thoughts made her pack up her
drawing and seek Missy out for approval.
Meanwhile, I rocked in the corner. I didn't feel guilty but I
was scared. I feared what I'd become. I thought I had gained
control over my thirst. There Missy lay, evidence that I hadn't.
There was also the problem that I'd violated one of the vampire
laws. "You are not to kill or otherwise harm another gens
member." I waited for my punishment to start. Someone must
know what I've done. My mind filled with the horror of it and
no doubt they're still monitoring me all the time, especially as
I feed. Keir allowed me to feed on my own now but he made it
clear he'd be watching.
I didn't mean to hurt her. It just tasted too good. I
couldn't help myself. If it weren't for Al, I would have killed
her. As it was she lay unconscious and close enough to death
that were she human she wouldn't need any more help getting
there.
There is no excuse. I should have stopped after a pint. After
all wasn't that what I always preached to Bram? If he could
stop, so could I.
Still it was too late. I have already harmed my fellow vampire
and someone I cared about. I was worse than Bram. At least he
only killed humans and usually people he didn't know. Any
minute now my head will blast open with flames. I was dumb, so
dumb to allow this to happen.
To make things worse I felt all tingly as if I had a buzz. I
physically felt good, as if I could do anything and no one could
stop me. I wanted this to continue so much that it tempted me
to take more blood from her. Like being drunk, my inhibitions
were blown to the wind and I just might have decided to finish
her off if the buzz didn't last much longer.
Lacey knocked on the door just in time.
The first thing she saw as she entered was me. The couch hid
Missy's body. She ran to me and knelt by my side rubbing my
back trying to calm me. I still shook out of terror or extra
energy I wasn't sure.
"Toni, Toni? Are you okay?" She hugged me and whispered.
"What's wrong? Are you why I felt so terrified?"
I could only shake my head. I didn't want to tell her. I
didn't want to admit to what I've done.
"Toni, I'm sure it will be all right." She kissed me lightly
on the forehead even as I tried to bury it more into my knees.
"Just tell me what's wrong. Where's Missy?"
The only thing I could do is look. I looked at the dried blood
that covered the now perfect skin of my poor victim. I cried.
Lacey followed my gaze and uttered, "Oh my God." She didn't
know Missy was still alive if only barely. She saw the hollow
eyes staring at the ceiling. What else was she to think? "What
have you done?"
Yes, what have I done? I've only managed to doom myself by
breaking a credo and no doubt I'd lose my head over it. After
all how could they trust me after this? I've killed vampires
before. I've nearly killed her, there could be no doubt that I
might do it again no matter how hard I try not to. The prophecy
even claimed I would. How could I argue that? I'm a horrible
person and I should be killed. Killed for even the thought of
wanting more from someone I nearly killed.
Lacey was at odds with herself. She knew she had to go to
Missy but the thought of touching a dead body disgusted her.
She also wanted to stay with me to comfort me. I couldn't allow
that. I didn't deserve it.
"Feed her." Al had been quietly prompting me for sometime to
drive Lacey in that direction. I finally worked up the nerve to
pass along the message.
Lacey confused, after all we know she's not the brightest star
in the sky, thought at first I was talking about myself and she
prepared to offer herself to me.
"Feed her!" I snapped and pointed at Missy.
Lacey fell backwards at the forcefulness of my action and still
slightly dumbfounded crawled over to Missy. Her hands shook as
she touched the pale skin and recoiled slightly when she felt
how cold she was. Lacey looked at me sadly.
"She's still alive." I managed to say through gritted teeth.
Lacey didn't fully believe me. She did her job, however.
"Missy." She whispered as she offered her wrist. Missy's eyes
may be open but there was no way she even knew Lacey was there.
I wanted to scream at Lacey to tell her to stop being stupid. I
held back. Okay Al kept me from exploding. That and a fresh
wave of fear overwhelmed me as I realized if I did anything else
wrong I certainly would not see another night.
Lacey figured it out on her own anyway. It just took her a
while. She searched the room until she found the sharpest
object there, a letter opener. She yelped in pain as she
purposefully stabbed her hand with it. It took her a couple
tries to break the skin. I would have felt sorry for her had I
not been dealing with my own demons. She hardly flinched and I
wondered how many times she's had to do this.
She massaged the veins in her hand welling up a little puddle
before she force-fed Missy with it. By degrees over several
long minutes and a few attempts to produce more blood on Lacey's
part, Missy began to sense her surroundings. She was weak, I
could probe her easily and I saw the effort she was putting out
just to raise her arm. She managed to reach up to Lacey who
instinctively lowered her wrist to Missy's mouth. Poor Missy
could hardly put any pressure behind the bite. She did manage
to draw blood and this time Lacey didn't flinch. With the
larger inflow of blood Missy's strength grew.
My job here was done. I couldn't face Missy after what I'd
done to her. I couldn't face Lacey after treating her like
that. Hell, I couldn't face myself for my own judgment. I
slunk out of the room as Missy fed.
As I moved, the blood pumped faster through my veins. I felt
the unadulterated power of it now and began to run. I wanted
away from everyone and everything. I also felt if I ran enough
I could somehow use up the blood and thus exercise the horrible
thing I did out of me. Mostly I ran because it felt good.
I ran harder and longer than Bram ever made me run. I did this
out of self punishment. After all I still couldn't figure out
why I hadn't been punished by others yet.
***
Three days later I pounded the keyboard in frustration. I
hadn't feed since Missy. I hadn't needed to. Her blood so
satisfied me that I still felt the after effects. My head swam
a little, but not in a bad way, somewhat as if it was loose. My
reflexes were faster and just about every sense seemed even more
sharp than it had become when I first became a vampire. Almost
too much so that with everything I touched and smelled I felt as
if I was getting a sensory overload. There was just so much to
take in. Pounding on the keyboard sent chills all over my body
and the sound was so loud in my ears I almost covered them.
Lacey tried to stop by but I sent her away before she even came
close. I saw in her mind that as soon as Missy had taken enough
blood to move about on her own she sent Lacey away. From the
memory I could tell Missy wasn't necessarily upset, she did seem
a little disappointed though.
I couldn't understand it. This wasn't a thing to just brush
off. I couldn't believe how no one seemed to think my actions
needed correction in any way. Either that or they didn't know,
but how could they not?
I shook my head again. I'd pondered this for the last three
days. Obviously I wasn't getting anywhere with it and no one
was doing anything about it, so I might as well put it out of my
mind altogether.
I pulled up the only thing semi useful I'd found on Netikerty.
Missy said Netikerty had been a researcher so there must be some
of her work in here somewhere. I just hadn't found it yet.
Maybe there was some clue in her dossier. I spilled over it for
the hundredth time and was unable to find one.
A painting of a beautiful, dark brown skinned woman appeared.
She had smooth features and almond eyes. The information next
to the picture was meager.
Name: Netikerty
Born: unknown
Died: 1647
Birthplace: Itjtawy, Egypt
Genitor: unknown
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 105
Hair: black
Eye Color: brown
Previous Occupation: unknown
Interests: research
Key Points: Netikerty was an original member of this gens.
Little is known of her origin or motives for joining the gens.
Regardless of being an initial member, she had little influence
over the direction of the gens. She preferred to spend her time
in the library building it up to the status it holds today as
one of the largest collections in the world.
Further information Restricted.
I knew there was no way I would be given access to the
restricted information. At least not without revealing the
reason I want it. No doubt it contained every bit of
information I'd ever need. I could use it to learn about the
prophecy, the book and who knew what else.
No, I'd just have to go looking elsewhere.
Curious what others' dossiers might say I skimmed through each.
Mine was practically bare, which figured. Bram's didn't tell
me anything I didn't already know, but there was a restricted
area on his as well. Half of them had the restricted label.
For people who could read minds they certainly are secretive.
I mused.
I yawned and stretched. My muscles were tight and my eyelids
heavy. I felt down and drawn. Like coming down off a sugar
high I had a feeling the effects of Missy's blood were beginning
to wear off. I turned off the computer and headed for bed.
Perhaps sleep would bring a new perspective.
Except I couldn't sleep. No longer wound up on the energy from
the blood I felt I needed sleep but something kept nagging me
and I couldn't quite grasp it. There was something in my brain
telling me I knew what I needed to know. I just had to figure
out what that was.
While lying there I began to relax. I didn't fight the voices
that began to invade my head. I knew if I did then I certainly
wouldn't get to sleep. They were far off and muffled so they
wouldn't bother me too much. Words and pictures floated lazily
by. I wandered from mind to mind. Some thoughts were happy and
others not so much. Most visions were those of monotonous
things around the complex. The morning activities had begun.
Soon many of them would be bunking down, while other's will have
a long day ahead of them.
"Is there room for me at this table?" Oscar set his tray of
food in-between Gwen and Bea. He had other intentions than just
eating with them. Newbies. He'll soon find out he isn't
allowed relationships with other slaves. I put that thought
into his head and his poor little ego deflated as he began to
notice how the girls didn't even look at him.
"Come on back to my place." Neala took the hand of Brenda.
With a sly smile she led her out of the slave quarters already
planning how she'd spend the day with Brenda ending it with a
pleasantly long feeding. Yes, quite a delicious time.
"I swear Keir I cleaned the room as best I could." Earl's
voice said. A human cowered under Keir's stern gaze. I saw
Keir turn his back on Earl and I felt relief. Then the fear hit
as Keir hurled the mop at me.
Finally I hit one that involved me.
I wasn't even sure I was reading anyone's mind right then. I
figured I must be starting to doze off because that's when and
how that type of lucid dreaming normally starts.
Characteristically my lucid dreams aren't as, how shall I put
it… arousing as these were. The scene consisted mostly of Bram
and me being extremely intimate. This of course made me want to
be with Bram and so I focused more on him
That's when things turned weird. In the fantasy I pulled out a
whip much like the one Keir had used on me and smacked Bram
across the face hard with it. Bram acted like a cowering dog as
my fantasy self wielded the whip again.
"Hurt him Toni. You know it is what you want." Heremon's
shrill voice echoed. That's when I realized I wasn't in Bram's
head. Had I been I would have been seeing me through his eyes,
not both of us together. This was Heremon's fantasy.
"Hurt him as he's hurt you all these years with his lies and
mental abuse." In the fantasy I hog-tied Bram with the whip and
began to lick his wounds.
"Ewwww." I wanted to scrub my brain with paint thinner.
Especially after the fantasy Toni began to turn her affections
onto Heremon. I put a stop to that. Heremon had forced his way
into my head and so I might as well return the favor and took
over the fantasy.
Instead of lavishing him with kisses, as Heremon expected, I
grabbed him by the neck and bared my teeth. "If I catch you
even thinking about fantasizing about me again, this nightmare
will become reality." I dug my nails into his neck and as if I
really was there became thirsty for his blood. I mutilated him.
He fought and screamed and tried to shove me out of his mind.
As I ripped him apart in his mind, in reality I chomped down on
my own lip shocking me back into the real world. I sat up and
tried to slow my heart rate. I was here in my room, safe from
Heremon. I hadn't hurt Bram. Everything was okay.
"I'm concerned about Toni." Bram said. This time I knew it
was Bram's voice I was hearing and somehow connected with him
without trying.
"You need to start letting her go Bram. She can take care of
herself now." Kama massaged Bram's shoulders and I felt a tinge
of jealousy.
"It's not that. She's regressing. She's locked herself in her
room and hasn't socialized at all for several nights."
"That is what I am talking about. Let her be. She'll come
around when she's ready. You can't go to her every time she has
a breakdown otherwise she'll use you as a crutch." There she
goes manipulating people again. Just the other day she told me
to pamper him to get him to pay more attention to me.
"Is that why you've abandoned her?"
"I haven't." Kama said defensively. I tried to see in her
mind why she reacted so. Unfortunately, she decided to change
the subject by rounding Bram and straddling him. I hadn't
realized until now, they both were naked and this wasn't a
fantasy. Bram enjoyed it a little too much.
"Bram come to my room, Now!" Then after a moment's hesitation
I said, "Please."
Bram and Kama both started at my intrusion. I certainly was
breaking up the mood. "How long have you been watching?"
"It doesn't matter. I want to talk with you. Please come to
my room."
"Tell her no." I heard Kama say to him, then she spoke to me
directly. "You can play with him later Toni, today he's mine."
"But-" I didn't get to argue anymore because she locked lips
with him and I truly felt unwanted so I pulled out of their
thoughts.
I guess I didn't really want him here anyway. My room was in
no condition-
Room? Room. Missy said Netikerty had lived in this very room.
That's it! That's what had been nagging me. There was
something in that statement, something about the room that was
important.
I looked about me. There wasn't anything overly special about
the room. Well, it was certainly less morose now that Bram and
friends decorated it. While Erik occupied it the atmosphere was
cheery too but in a different way. He filled it with his own
happiness and silly jester ways. It's just after he died they
removed all of his personal effects and all that was left were
his dusty old furniture, it seemed so gloomy. Especially the
large dresser that took up half of the wall. It was rather
oppressive.
That dresser wasn't there anymore because it would have blocked
the wonderful mural Kama had painted. It used to stand right
where the castle took over the wall. I still stared at the
masterpiece every day. I hadn't grown tired of it yet. I could
easily lose myself in it, in that fantasy world. The bright and
welcoming colors, the feeling of being outdoors, it was all so
entrancing. Stories filled my head of castles and dragons and…
where was I?
The mural, yes! There was something about it. It took me a
while zoning in and out of consciousness between a lucid dream
of dragons and the reality of a hundred voices in my head to see
what was strange about it. Not really sure I was awake as I
looked at it I rubbed my eyes and yawned. The castle wall was
certainly not right. The painted rectangular rocks were uneven.
Normally all would be the same size but some seemed off. In
one section particularly they were more square than rectangular.
As I examined them further, even from halfway across the room,
I could see little details in the lines separating the rocks,
too straight, a little more shadowed and so forth than the other
lines. I finally got off my duff and went to the wall. Yes,
there certainly were discrepancies. In that area the rocks were
not as jagged edged as the others. The shadows of the rocks
seemed to attempt to cover a seam in the wall. I probably never
would have noticed it had I not been looking for something out
of the ordinary. The seam was also rectangular about one foot
by one and a half feet.
Doing the typical mystery solver wall knock I found the area
behind it quite hallow. It had to be a door like to a safe or
something. It appeared to be concrete like the rest of the
wall. That didn't mean anything though as a thin layer of
concrete could have been placed over whatever it was hiding.
Obviously Kama and the others must have known it was here while
painting. They must have had a reason to try to hide it. Sure
they could have placed the dresser back in front of it, but
maybe they expected me to find it eventually. Why keep it from
me at all?
Their secrecy implied I wasn't supposed to know about it. That
meant that I should not go to them asking how to open it. There
were no key holes or anything to allow me to enter a
combination. The seams were flush, no way to get my fingers
into them and I couldn't imagine getting a thin screwdriver into
there let alone a crowbar to pry it open. I pushed on all parts
of it in all different directions and never felt it give at all.
The only other thing I could figure is there must be a secret
lever somewhere that would open it. Two hours spent
scrutinizing every inch of the room, including under the bed
revealed nothing. That is until a recent memory came to mind.
For some reason my mind had associated the problem with an
ancient solution. Perhaps the castle had made me think of olden
times. The vampires didn't work that way.
Years ago when I tried to open the case that held Bram's sword
there were no locks, no way to open it. At least not that I
could find. It wasn't until after I had begged him to give me
the sword that he spaced out for a moment and then he opened it
easily. I had been too wound up at the time to think about it
and only cared that I had the sword at all. Of course that
opened up a different set of problems that I had to fight my
brain from recalling.
A second, more recent memory with Bram came to mind. We
entered the garage and went to the corner where the keys were
kept.
Faster than the blink of an eye, but a motion easily caught
with my vampire senses, Bram concentrated on something far away.
"So whom do we contact to open it?" I asked as I realized what
he was doing. At the same time the door slid up into the
ceiling.
"His name's Jacques."
At that very moment the wall before me popped open and I jumped
back about two feet.
"Thanks Jacques." I said in my head not knowing if he was
still listening or not.
It was dark in the hole behind the door but there was something
in there. Tentatively I put my hand forward. Had I found
Netikerty so quickly?
My hand landed on a small, leather-bound book. I anxiously
pulled it out and began to flip through it. I couldn't read a
word of it as it was all in hieroglyphics.
No, no, no! NO! I fingered every inch of the open safe for
something, anything else. It was empty now.
"Damnit!" It was another dead end, just another conundrum to
decipher. Someone was playing with me.
After I calmed down a bit I knew I had a way to decipher the
old language. I'd use the computer to figure out what each
glyph meant. It may take me years but I'd get to the bottom of
this. Before I went that far I decided to look through the
journal more closely, you never know right?
It took me hours but I did find something. The final entry was
in a different script and I realized it was the same as on the
cryptic note that told me to search out Netikerty. Eric was
posthumously making me a fool.
"The nose knows." It read. What the hell was that supposed to
mean?
I surreptitiously smelled the journal and as I figured didn't
come up with anything. Nope, too obvious. It just smells like
old book. Or was that a clue too? I wondered if I'd get the
same result with the box and book. Probably, but I bet Eric
would get a kick out of seeing me do it. Of course I just
assumed he was the one leading me on this wild goose chase since
he handed me the box. He may never have known what was inside.
Argh! Yet again I come across some stupid riddle. This one
had no clues as to the real meaning. Frustrated I punched the
wall as hard as I could and realized the real reason they made
all the walls out of concrete. My fist broke and immediately
healed with a hundred tiny pops but the wall was intact.
Stupid! Why was I torturing myself over this stupid thing? As
Velren said, why am I trying to solve their mysteries?
I shoved the journal back into the safe and slammed it shut.
I'd have nothing more to do with that Pandora's Box.
A knock came on my door and I nearly jumped to the ceiling.
Strange I hadn't realized anyone was there. Stranger still when
I probed and found it was Bram. How could I not have felt him?
I checked to make sure the safe door was flush with the wall
again. I didn't know why I did so. It was obvious Kama and he
knew about the aperture as they intentionally painted the bricks
of the castle to match it. In addition, if I'd really given up
on the mystery it wouldn't matter if Bram knew or not.
Nonetheless, I cleared my mind and tried to put on a happy face.
"You okay?" He asked when I opened the door.
I shrugged. Why wouldn't I be okay? Just because I hadn't
slept all day and the last I saw he was screwing around with
Kama?
"Do you want something to drink? Wine and water are about all
I have to offer." I asked.
"No, thank you."
"Please sit. Can I get you something else?" I asked trying to
think of something to keep my mind off the other things.
"I'm fine. You don't have to cater to me." He moved in close
to me.
"I'm not-"
He held up a hand. "Kama told me about your conversation with
her. It's okay."
"Oh." Was all I had to say about that. He was obviously here
for another reason.
"She thinks you're not handling your new lifestyle well and
that you'd be better off working it out on your own. While I
don't quite agree, I've felt unsettled." He rubbed my
shoulders. "I've been trying to contact you, so has Keir.
Neither of us have been successful."
"I'm sorry. I've been preoccupied." I turned away from him
and went to my bed. I sat cross-legged on it staring into space
to prove my point.
"Preoccupied is one thing we'd be able to tell that. You've
been blocking us."
"Not intentionally!" I said a little too defensively.
"All right." He sighed. He knew he wasn't really making any
progress so he moved on. "Nonetheless, I'm still concerned.
You haven't fed in the last three days, have you?"
"Concerned? I doubt it. You haven't shown concern for me
since my subortus."
Must she always be so paranoid?
"I heard that. I'm not paranoid. You have been distant from
me lately. You know it's true"
This from the woman sitting in her room alone for three nights.
He thought exasperatedly.
"Look, you don't need to be paranoid about me becoming
distant. I'm not doing it on purpose. There are just things
I've had to deal with outside, that have kept my thoughts busy.
I love you and won't leave you. You understand?"
"Yes." I said but wouldn't meet his eyes.
"I will be here for you when you need me, like tonight. You do
believe that don't you?"
I shrugged. "I thought you were going to let me be until I
decided to leave." I still didn't look at him.
"Toni, you know I couldn't do that."
"Yeah, didn't seem that way earlier. You appeared rather
content to forget about me when you were with Kama."
"You know me better than that."
"Do I? Sometimes I don't even know myself." I examined my
hands now. I just didn't want to look at him. What if he was
judging me with his eyes. I didn't want to know.
"Come on tell me what's wrong." He sat next to me.
"You know what's wrong." I turned away.
"I know, you didn't like me sleeping with Kama this morning
but-"
"It's not that." I snapped. "Well, that's part of it, but
it's not like I haven't slept with her too. It's just…"
"You can tell me. I won't become upset."
"I've had a bad week okay?" I couldn't keep the thought out of
my head of being huddled in the corner.
"It's okay Toni. You don't have to withdraw." He'd
misinterpreted my thoughts.
"I just don't want to repeat it is all. I did something bad
and I know it and I don't want to let it happen again and I
don't want to be punished but they haven't yet." I couldn't
help picturing the unconscious body sprawled on the floor. "I
don't understand why I'm spared. Why doesn't anybody care?
Aren't they monitoring me? There's something wrong isn't there?
God, I'm babbling aren't I?"
"It's okay." He tried to comfort me and wrapped me in his
arms. I accepted his warmth. I needed it. "Everyone goes
through it. You didn't kill anyone, that's a start. Give it
time. It will work itself out."
"No, not this, this was bad. It felt like a drug and I want
more."
"That will pass."
"It hasn't for you." I referred to his impulse to kill and he
knew it. "How do you live with the guilt?"
He didn't answer me, not verbally. I felt it though, even back
when I asked him to stop killing I knew. He'd never felt any
guilt over it. To be honest I didn't feel guilt over the act
either, just over being caught or not when I should have been.
So perhaps that was my own answer.
"Why haven't they punished me? They should punish me. It
might make me stop"
"Punish you? For what?"
"For what? Come on, like you don't know."
"No, I told you that you've been blocking us out. I don't know
what you've been up to. So you took a little too much from a
servant-"
"Missy." I thought that was all I needed to say.
"What about her?"
He didn't know? How couldn't he?
I let him have it, the full memory of Missy's near death
experience. I think it shocked him a little as he grew rigid
and didn't speak for some time. Finally I broke the silence.
"So, why haven't they punished me?"
He was silent for a moment this time because he contacted the
others. Apparently he was the only one who didn't know.
"The King believes you feel enough remorse and have punished
yourself plenty. Keir believes you've learned your lesson and
won't do it again and Missy feels it was an accident and does
not wish to see you punished. Is that reason enough?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"As a slave I was punished at the drop of a hat. Now you want
me to believe that the King and Keir have changed their opinion
about law enforcement and me just because I'm a vampire now?"
"Ah, you feel it's a double standard."
"No, I'm just used to being tortured and not being so now is
torturing the hell out of me." Not to mention that I feel I
deserve it and need it. Maybe I've had too many sessions with
Mistress Kama.
"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"
I looked away from him. "I figured you already knew."
"I'm sorry I didn't. If I had I would have come by sooner."
He rubbed my cheek.
I gave in finally. Bram always had a way of soothing me. I
reached up and stole a kiss from him.
"Hurry up." It was Keir's voice in my head. By the look of it
Bram heard it too.
"Come on. It's time to go."
"Go? Go where?"
"Venatus." Bram said with a wry smile.
By: Christine Schnell
