Chapter 12
I suppose I passed my hunting test because I was given a very
important job. Hours later Keir led me down several passages
and when we were what I guessed was under the town he pointed to
a spot on the floor. "Stand here."
I stood there.
"Now, do not allow anyone to pass, in either direction unless
they expressly have the King's permission."
"How long?"
"Until Eiji comes to relieve you." He walked away.
"Don't I get any weapons? You know in case someone attacks!"
I threw the thought out at him.
He responded without words but something that was just as
telling; the vision of me last night killing Old Bill. I
suppose he thought I had weapons enough.
So I stood there. And stood there. And stood there a lot
longer. I had no indication of passing time so it could have
been days or it could have been hours. Without traveling too
far from that spot I examined the area. There seemed nothing
special about this stretch of hallway. However, in this maze
where walls could easily become doorways one could never tell.
My time was not fully wasted. I may be alone but I wasn't
totally cut off from civilization. The slaves free flowing
thoughts kept me company. Thankfully that wasn't all I had. I
communicated with Bram almost immediately.
"Why am I stuck standing in a hall doing nothing?" I asked of
him.
"You are doing something. You are guarding the hall."
"Why?"
"There have been inklings of thoughts of escape. This is a
precautionary measure."
"I'm not trying to escape!"
"I know. I never said you. You silly girl. Why would we
place you out there if we thought you'd leave?" I didn't have
an answer for that.
The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me. It was a place
very much like this where I had chopped off Mackenzie's head. A
very clear memory of a vampire attacking Nikki and I realized Al
too understood the implications of my new job. I would have to
kill anyone who tried to pass here. It was not a pleasant
realization.
"Do not worry. I doubt anyone will pass your way." He thought
towards me.
"And if I leave? Will the King kill me?"
"No, but you will receive that punishment you've been asking
for."
Bram offered a few more comforting thoughts then in less than
words let me know I was keeping him from something important so
I disconnected from him.
My own thoughts wandered and eventually approached the riddle I
had left a while ago. "The nose knows?" I hadn't the brain
power to figure it out just standing there. I did wonder what
it might mean in relation to Netikerty.
Thus I contacted Missy. I should have done it in person but
not being able to move from the area somewhat kept that from
happening. She lay in bed typing on a laptop and Hank lay
snoring happily beside her. From what I could tell her laptop
had something about the King's decision with the town written on
it. Before I could figure it out, she shut the laptop and that
part of her mind.
"I'm sorry Missy." I pleaded, after all, I hurt her badly
recently.
"It was an accident. Think nothing of it."
"But-"
"Al wouldn't want you to worry over something you can't control
would he?"
"Al's just as worried for you as I am." I muttered in my mind.
"I'm fine so you both can rest easy. Now, what can I do for
you?" Before I could even think of how to say it, she'd been
through my mind. "Netikerty didn't research much of the
olfactory senses as far as I know, but I will look into it."
"Can you keep it just between the two of us?"
Missy thought this a strange request. "Then why communicate in
a way anyone can listen in?" It didn't take much for her to
realize I couldn't exactly pass her a note so she merely said,
"I'll get back to you if I learn anything." With that she cut
off the communication completely.
I had a feeling she wasn't completely fine with nearly dying as
she claims. She was a little abrupt, kind of as she was after I
killed Al.
Bored I paced the hall to keep myself awake for hours. All I
could think of is how many more times would I be doomed to
repeat this.
When Eiji did come around, I was exhausted. I hadn't slept and
hadn't fed in what was probably days. I somehow made it back to
my room. I had intentions to fall immediately to sleep but like
so many things in my life it was not to be. A knock at the door
came before I even hit the bed and reluctantly I said, "Come in
Kenneth."
"I know we didn't have an appointment but-"
"You've been thinking about her too much have you?" Of course
I knew it wasn't in a good way.
"Yeah, how'd you know." Did he really have to ask that?
I didn't answer. I gestured him to lie down on the couch. I
plopped into the chair and hoped I could stay awake for his
sake. "Have you been practicing like I told you?"
"A little. I forget sometimes, you know."
"Yeah, I know." I rubbed my temple. I wasn't really in the
mood for this, but it's never about me, is it? "Well, let's
start with the relaxation exercises."
He started to breathe deeply. I prodded him delicately through
the steps of building up his wall. It was a long difficult
process. He kept thinking about Kama.
He kept wanting to do things to her that not even a vampire
would do to a slave. It bothered me severely, connecting with
his thoughts at that time. Even now I'm uneasy thinking about
it. I almost stopped the session. He checked himself in time
though realizing what he was thinking and cleared the thoughts
away.
He clearly was not okay with being separated from her. Kama
had wanted me to speak with him, to make him understand why she
couldn't be with him. I knew now wasn't the time but perhaps I
could do something to ease his pain a little. Getting around
his blocks was no issue at all, soothing his mind was. It
contained a raging pit of anger, horror, and imaginary evils
that kept me fighting for control over my own identity. Putting
his mind at ease was impossible. I didn't know where or how to
start.
That's when he asked. "So is it working?"
Maybe not how he intended but I certainly couldn't read his
mind very well. "You've got a lot of anger in you, Kenneth."
"Oh." He deflated a little. "I guess I need to concentrate
more on the bubble huh?"
"Actually, I found concentrating doesn't help. That's why I
want you to relax."
"Okay." His body relaxed but his mind didn't. Besides all the
anger and hatred he felt questions kept popping into his mind
until he could hold them in no longer. "How do you know that
anger is coming from me? How do you know it's not Keir or
someone else? How do you find the person you want to connect
to?"
I sighed. I didn't know how much I was supposed to tell him,
if anything. Did it really matter if he knew? At the rate he
was going, he'd never be able to use the information anyway. I
decided to put it into general terms and in a language he'd
understand.
"Well, each person has a different thought signature but many
are alike. It's a lot like dealing with computer cables. You
can see them all there in front of you but you can't necessarily
tell which one is which. Many them look alike but with a little
experience you can tell the difference between them. Some are
easy. You can tell a flat, IDE cable from the many round,
colorful, power cables. You can see the IDE's connections right
away. This is how it is with Bram and me. Others like the
slaves are similar and sometimes you've got to give a tug on one
to find where it ends."
"Do you see these things in your mind?"
"No, it's more of a feeling. It's hard to explain, especially
since you're not to the point where any of the cables are
bi-directional."
"So how do I-"
"Kenneth, first things first okay. You learn how to keep your
fuse from blowing before you turn on the power, got it?"
"Yeah. So build the bubble, right?"
"Right."
Again we tried to do things from the beginning. As he imagined
a nice, quiet location my mind wandered into a dense forest.
***
Horse hooves clunked on rocks and snapped twigs as they pranced
through the underbrush. I shook my head knowing that whatever
they were looking for would hear them long before they got to
them. If they didn't hear them they'd probably smell them.
These men must not have bathed in a couple of months.
They had come to my village looking for a guide. I had wanted
nothing to do with them nor had Chief Niyol. He didn't trust
the white man military, heck he hardly trusted me. So when they
would not go away, he said they could use me. He didn't do this
to get rid of me, okay maybe that was a little bit of it, but he
knew they would prefer someone who spoke their language. So I
went, reluctantly.
I felt their leader was handsome with a strong chin and black,
wavy hair. His blue uniform with shiny, brass buttons made the
man. I didn't think him too dumb either. On occasion he'd try
to quiet his men but they were unskilled. Still we reached
their camp without incident.
At the camp was a different story. The man who led me there
turned out not to be the highest ranking officer. A large man
with gray hair and steely eyes in a perfectly fit dark blue
uniform strode up to us as I handed off the horse I had been
lent.
"What is this, Sergeant Campbell?" He addressed the handsome
soldier. "I told you to bring me back a scout, a warrior not
some savage whore!"
"General, sir, with all due respect, she's not a savage."
"What do you call that then?" He waved his hand in my general
direction. "And this!" He grabbed a handful of my hair that
admittedly I had not combed properly in ages.
At my yelp the soldier stepped in and said gently, "She has
learned some of their ways yes, sir, but still she's white.
They say she knows the woods."
He seemed to consider this then asked, "Can she speak English?"
"Vous pouvoir l'idiot?" I muttered in French after having
enough of being ignored.
He glowered at me and left. He returned a few moments later
pushing a bundle into my hands. "Put these on."
"I'll wear what I please." I retorted.
"Put these on, or die you traitorous wench!" He pulled out a
gun.
I was scared. No one had ever pointed a gun at me. I never
imagined one of my own people would. I trembled and clinched my
jaw for fear of saying something that might get me killed.
Again the Sergeant came to my rescue. "Please put them on.
You'd fit in here more and it is getting colder."
I didn't like it but I took them. I had grown accustomed to
the soft Indian leather but he was right, winter was setting in
and the bundle was full of heavy wool. I took them without a
word however I'm certain the General knew my distaste for it and
him.
Once I changed and ate some food the General approached again.
"You will lead us through these woods. No trickery. We're not
after your precious Indians."
"And what are you after?"
"When you need to know, you'll be told."
I wished I hadn't laid eyes on these men. There wasn't much
time wasted between this interchange and when they gave me a
horse to ride. I would have preferred going on foot but I was
given the impression they wished to move quickly. I mounted the
horse and off we went.
We had traveled in silence for some time heading south over
rough and sometimes treacherous terrain. I had become quite
grateful for the horse as it was sure footed and could jump
across ravines better than I.
Halfway through the second day of the journey my gut pulled at
me and I felt quite unprotected despite all the big, grisly,
infantry men around me. I couldn't help feeling as if we were
being watched but I saw no signs of anyone being in the area for
days. There were no broken branches, no tracks on or, from what
I could tell, off the trail. Yet I was uneasy.
It was a little later that day that I did see some evidence of
someone or something in the area. A patch of ground was darker
than the rest. I brought my mare to a halt and dismounted.
"What is it? Why are you stopping?" The General asked gruffly.
I ignored him and walked closer to the dark patch without
disturbing it. The ground appeared wet in a spot that was about
six inches in diameter. I examined the immediate area and saw
nothing else disturbed. I was not a highly trained tracker but
I had learned some things from the Indians and I found this
unusual.
I bent down to get a closer look and both the General and
Sergeant bent over my shoulder. I did my best to ignore their
heavy breathing that probably scared away anything that had
remained in the area. The closer inspection didn't get me
anywhere anyway and came to the conclusion I must touch it. It
was cold and sticky. My finger came away with many granules of
sand attached to it, and some red stuff. I sniffed it. I
wasn't sure of the smell so I attempted to taste it without
getting dirt in my mouth. Just the tip of my tongue touched it
and I knew immediately. "Blood." I declared.
"Human?" The General asked.
This made me quite curious. "I can't tell for sure. An animal
may have been hurt here as well."
"Any sign of it?"
I shook my head. "No tracks. Even the underbrush looks as if
it hasn't been touched since the last rain, that was more than
two weeks ago. This blood is fresh, hours maybe a day old."
The General nodded without another word and went back to his
horse. I stopped the Sergeant before he could walk off. "What
am I supposed to be doing?"
"Tracking."
"I know that but right now all I'm tracking is this trail.
Look, I can't be very helpful if we're just following this path.
You could have gone through here without me."
"All right, we're hunting something."
"Hunting?!" The party turned their attention on me.
"Shh…" He tried to quiet me, but I didn't care if I scared
away their prey. The Indians only hunted for food and even then
not often. White men only hunt for sport and that was not
acceptable.
"I will not help you kill for sport!"
"We're not. There's some… men out there. We just need you to
help us find them." That explains why I felt as if someone had
been watching, they probably had.
"Why didn't you tell me this before? I could have been using
what little skills I know to find them. They certainly won't be
on a trail like this. We probably already passed them."
"I don't think so." He admitted.
"Why not?"
"The blood." He pointed to the ground.
"Good, one of them is hurt. It will make it easier to find
them."
"I don't believe one of them is hurt."
"Great." I looked around and saw nothing. I noticed how all
the men in the party had grown stiff. Each of them searched the
woods but saw nothing. "There's some caves a little north of
here. We can reach them early tomorrow. They could be hiding
there." I said as I noticed it was growing dark.
"I hope so." He muttered then left.
I grabbed the reins of my horse and threw my left leg over her.
As I was about to spur her on, I heard the General behind me.
"She should be riding sidesaddle like a lady."
"You want her help or not?" Sergeant Campbell said.
The General growled his response. I smiled and resolved to do
other unladylike things around the General.
***
Later as we sat around the campfire I had dozed off and dreamt
I was a raven flying over the woods. I spotted a puddle not
much different from the one I'd seen that day but as I flew
lower the puddle turned into a pond and then a swamp and the
swamp filled with bodies. Men, women, and children floated in
their own blood.
I perched on a tree near the edge and watched as a medicine man
exited the hut. He stood in front of it and began chanting
something I didn't understand. Warriors came from all
directions and circled around him. Two went into his hut and
dragged out a young child struggling to be free. They brought
him to the center of the group.
The medicine man chanted more. He shook his staff over the
child and at each of the warriors. Then he took out his knife
and slit the child's throat.
He filled a goblet with the blood and each warrior drank from
it. As they did, the child's blood flowed to the swamp. The
body followed the small stream and joined the others.
The medicine man looked up at me and shook his staff in my
direction. I flew the hell out of there.
***
I awoke in a cold sweat. "We're being watched." I called out.
The feeling was stronger now than it had been before.
Sergeant Campbell pulled out his gun and looked to the trees.
"Where?" It did him no good. They would not show themselves.
"All around I think." She paused. "They're creatures, not
human and not animal."
"I know." He said.
"The blood in the road, was it human?"
"Yes." He said it as if he already knew everything. "One of
our men went missing a few days ago. I believe it was his."
"If you already know all this, then why do you need me?"
"Because you can track them. We've tried and kept losing them.
You know this area and you know where they may hide."
A chill went through my body. "They don't need to hide. The
blood in the road, it wasn't an accident it was left there.
They've covered their tracks expertly. I could never find them.
That blood though, it has bothered me since I saw it. It was
left there on purpose. A warning."
"Damn." He whispered as he scanned the trees. I had been as
well, but I knew I wouldn't find anything.
"What is it we're tracking?"
"You wouldn't believe me."
"Then how about I make a guess: Jumlin's children."
"Oh, so you've heard of them?"
"Heard of them yes. One took the Chief's daughter not long
before I arrived. He sent out eight braves to bring her back.
None returned. That is why they embraced me so. They thought I
might be able to destroy the demon with my Christian faith."
"And did you?"
I laughed heartily. "Faith alone can not destroy such a beast.
I convinced them there was nothing I could do. They accepted
that and allowed me to remain to teach them about Christ our
Lord."
"Something tells me they weren't completely happy with that."
"They did offer my services rather quickly didn't they?" He
nodded. "So why are we tracking a decedent of a deity who gains
strength from drinking blood and can not die?"
"They can be killed if you know how."
"And how's that?"
He just smiled. "You just track them and let me worry about
that." He stood to leave.
"You didn't answer my question."
"No, I didn't, did I?" His crooked smile gave me a little hope.
***
"Hey, wake up!" A hand shook my shoulder.
"Huh?" I snorted ungracefully and blinked ten times before I
realized where I was.
"You were talking in your sleep again."
"I was?"
"Yeah, something about a cute ass."
I smiled and the dream came back to me clearly. I had watched
the soldier walk away from me and thought it was just that. I
hadn't realized I said it aloud. Then something strange hit me.
The soldier's face was familiar somehow. Then I saw it as if I
were looking in a mirror and it watched me. Old Bill looked
back but in a younger form. He couldn't have been that soldier.
The military uniforms were 19th century not 20th.
Could he? There was nothing in his memories to suggest that he
was any older than 100 and his birthday apparently was in 1909
so it simply couldn't be. Yet the face was right. The voice
seemed right. So what was wrong?
"Oh and you also said something about tracking a Julian or
something. Not all of it was clear." Kenneth pulled me back to
reality.
It surprised me to find the memory of the dream was still very
clear. I do remember some of my dreams, sometimes clearly, but
this was almost as if I were there. I had been hired to help
soldiers hunt vampires and a part of me had a deeply rooted wish
to hunt vampires. I had a feeling that was Old Bill's fault.
He did not like us at all.
"How long was I out?"
Kenneth shrugged. "A few minutes I guess." All that in just a
few minutes?
A knock came at the door and we both jumped. I cleared my mind
of the dream and allowed my mind to unconsciously scan the area.
I found it was Keir encroaching on my domain. With a sigh I
opened the door to let him in.
"Hello." He kissed me on the cheek and walked in as if he
owned the place. "Kenneth." He nodded to the slave who
anxiously was inching towards the door. "Oh, don't leave on my
account. In fact you should stay."
"Uh… Really… I…"
"Stay." Keir demanded.
Kenneth looked to me for help and he knew I couldn't do a damn
thing. I shrugged.
Meanwhile, Keir had made himself cozy on my couch and waved for
me to join him. I gave Kenneth the same look he'd just given me
and all he could do is shrug too.
I sidled around and sat on the couch with Keir who put an arm
across my shoulder. He didn't have a problem making out with me
while Kenneth stood awkwardly behind us.
"You look pallid." He did not speak aloud and could have
whispered it like sweet nothings in my ear for all the passion
he had behind the words. "You should nutrire."
"I'm not hungry."
"Why don't you use Kenneth for nutrio." It wasn't a request.
I looked up regretfully at Kenneth. He instantly seemed to
sense what we'd silently discussed and felt a little fear though
he didn't understand why. He probably felt my own fear. I
didn't want to drink from him.
"Go on." Keir nudged me mentally and physical as he pushed me
off the couch.
"Kenneth?" I tested the waters.
He nodded solemnly and moved closer to me. I could already
feel the need inside me. My body ached for the refreshment it
was about to receive. I held back the hunger as knew I would
regret it if I let it have its way. Most of me didn't want to
do this, not just because he was my friend but because it was
wrong.
Okay, that was the old men talking. I made a slight effort to
block them out.
I carefully took Kenneth's hand and raised his wrist to my
lips. His muscles tightened which would only make this harder.
So I forced my way into his mind and thought of the ocean and
the soothing sound of waves breaking upon the shore. He fought
me in his mind trying to build up his wall but he wasn't strong
enough. Soon he relaxed and as I bit into his wrist the blood
flowed freely.
Perhaps too freely. Kenneth's blood tasted different, as I've
found everyone's did. His was sweet and salty. I wasn't too
fond of the taste, of course, that didn't mean I was going to
stop. When I felt a tug on his arm I realized I had to. He
couldn't stand up straight anymore and was about to fall over.
Kenneth never lost consciousness but he was woozy and I laid
him down onto the couch.
"Now it's time for your lesson." Keir said in my head. "I
want you to manipulate his mind."
"What?"
"Make him forget his 'lessons.' Better still, I wish for you
to make him think he has finished them and he can block out
anyone."
"Come on! No!" I wouldn't stand for it. That would be
obviously counterproductive to his wishes and make him
completely vulnerable to mind attacks. "I won't do it."
"You will and here's why; he will never suboriri, do you
understand that? Protecting his mind will only cause trouble
for him and may even get him killed as no vampire tolerates it
for long."
"He needs his privacy." We both knew I'd do as I'm told, but
for Kenneth's sake I continued to argue unconvincingly.
"You know as a slave there is no such thing."
"He wants to forget Kama's falseness." I didn't look Keir in
the eye at all.
"Then make him forget." Keir took on a fatherly air. "It is
best if he forgets he loves her. Help him. He is your friend."
I sighed. I had no more arguments left. "What do I do?"
I wouldn't say Keir was elated at my yielding but he eagerly
led me step by step through the process. "You can find the root
of the memory by finding where it is strongest. Initiate a
memory, if it involves you all the better. Short term memories
are easier so start with the memory of today as you tried to
teach him to relax."
Kenneth popped his head up and looked at us looking at him. He
now became afraid. "Are you guys done with me? Can I go now?"
"Just lay your head down Kenneth and try to go to sleep." I
pushed his head back down onto the arm of the couch.
"But-"
"Don't worry. We're not going to hurt you."
"I've gotta go see-"
"You will remain and you will shut up!" There was no arguing
with Keir so Kenneth leaned his head back down and closed his
eyes. He began imagining us doing all sorts of bad things to
him but I forced the ocean scene back into his mind and he began
to relax.
From there it was easy to go back to the memory I was trying to
reproduce. I pictured it quite clearly and I felt familiarity
within Kenneth. As I recalled the memory more I found it became
easier to see, more vivid almost as if it were happening again.
"Good, now here's the trick; short term memories are not stored
yet." Keir instructed. "You can simply erase them. To do
this you can either replace it, which is easier; you just use
your imagination, or you blank it out. To blank it out, you
must have total control of your own mind and -- ah, I see,
you're already finished."
Indeed, I have better control over blanking my mind than he
thought possible. I had already begun on the long term memories
too. I started with one of my strongest memories of their
relationship. I pictured him crawling nude through the slave
court. Apparently it was one of his stronger memories too and
was easy to follow to the source.
"Excellent, now long term memory is permanent. You can not
erase it but you can essentially make them forget it by either
building a wall around it (which could eventually be broken
down) or cutting all paths to it. That is harder to repair.
For now we'll simply block the memory off. You do so the same
way you would your own."
I had already begun and in no time was finished. Keir moved me
on to memory after memory. Many I didn't want to remember
seeing ever again. This meant everything involving Kenneth
pleading Kama for more of whatever she was dishing out at that
moment, spanks, lashes, kisses, or fellatio. Memory scrubs can
be a good thing.
"Okay, stupid question." I said as we took a break. "As
vampires, every cell in our body maintains itself at the level
it was at the moment of our suborior. So how do we store new
memories? Wouldn't they be eliminated by the vampire blood
trying to keep the status quo?"
"Speak with Dr. Bauchau about this if you wish more details,
but from what I understand our brains work differently from the
rest of our system, even from that of a human. A human mind
stops growing after reaching adulthood, ours never does. Ours
never stops changing and evolving. Those things that were
hardwired after adolescence no longer are."
"That would explain why everyone's morals flew out the window
around here." I thought sarcastically. He let the comment
slide and we went back to work.
After what seemed like hours but was really not much more than
45 minutes I believed I had eliminated every trace of Kama in
Kenneth's mind. I worried what it would do to his sanity as
there's large chunks of his time here with us that was now
missing. Over all he probably wouldn't be much worse off than
he already was.
"What if he sees Kama again and falls in love with her all over
again?"
"That is a problem they must deal with. Our job is done."
"Can't we alter his feelings for her at all?"
"A lesson for down the line. You've done enough for today." I
hadn't realized that even as we talked I'd already forgotten
some things myself. Luckily, most were those of Kenneth and
Kama together which I didn't care to remember. Something else
was missing though and I couldn't quite place my finger on it.
***
I had a lot to think about. How many more horrible things
could I do before it became too much? Between erasing memories,
building and breaking relationships, unlocking mysteries I
shouldn't, and killing people I've begun to hate myself.
I didn't sleep much that day after Keir and Kenneth finally
left. As my mind wandered the mystery of the book made its way
to the forefront and I reviewed all the information I had.
Erik had given it to me in secret. He had told me to forget
about it, but did not erase my memory of it. He took over my
room once Netikerty (who researched the prophecy) died and
somehow inherited it from her. In keeping with the secret he
then set up an eleborate game that forced me to search for
Netikerty's diary and now whatever "the nose knows" means.
What was it all about? Who could tell me? Finally my mind
rested upon Missy and as if she knew I was thinking about her
(and probably did) she touched my mind. It was quick but clear.
"I'm still looking but go see Urquhart now."
So I dressed and wandered the labyrinth until I found my way to
the deepest corridors and the blank wall that I knew would allow
me entrance to the lab. Only it wasn't that way for long. I
hardly even thought about the door being there when it slid open.
After I stepped through, the familiar mist enveloped me. When
the sensors determined I was clean, the second door opened. No
one looked up though several vampires worked on finalizing
equipment here. I didn't pay them much heed. I was still
curious about each of the things I saw, but I had a mission and
forced myself to stay on course. By now you know I become
distracted easily. Heck just in the last couple of weeks I'd
been distracted more than I'd like from learning about the book.
I no longer needed the directory on the wall. I walked through
the large rooms with no trouble at all and headed straight for
the propulsion lab that was right where I remembered it to be.
Now, one would wonder why I didn't just try to communicate
telepathically with Urquhart. To be honest it never really
crossed my mind. That and I never liked talking to people over
the phone. Not being able to look them in the eye always bugged
me. Of course telepathic communication was better than a phone
line and I could learn just as much as looking them in the eye.
I simply was used to dealing with people in person. Besides,
one never knew when someone was eavesdropping on a telepathic
line.
The Master of All Things was the only one occupying the room
when I arrived. He was so transfixed in his project he didn't
notice me.
"Wen?" He didn't answer. "Master of All Things." I tapped
him on the shoulder and he jumped.
"Where'd you come from?"
I indicated the door over my shoulder. He simply shrugged.
"Where's Urquhart?" I asked.
"In the back, I think." He'd already bent back over the laser
he was working on.
Despite my effort to not become distracted by the wonders of
this area I couldn't help staring at the laser and wonder at how
a laser, even such a powerful one, would power a spaceship. So
I tried to pick his brain. It wasn't that hard, he didn't have
any blocks up but he so concentrated on his problem that it was
all I could see in his mind.
The laser that could blow a new hangar sized lab into the
granite underground wasn't working any longer. He looked up at
me as if he had an epiphany. "Do you know anything about laser
drives?"
I was half a second from saying "no" when I realized that would
be a lie. The words had set my mind into motion and memories
came flooding back. I sat in a dark auditorium while Dr. Pompi
gave what I thought at the time to be a mildly interesting
lecture. Now I realized Urquhart had taken me there for a
reason other than to get drugs for him. "Yes, I do actually,
what's the problem?"
"Well, yesterday I increased the power amplifier here." He
pointed. "It appeared to work well, yet when I returned tonight
it is no longer working."
I examined the area he indicated and saw nothing in particular.
Knowing from my own experience that the first thing you should
always check is the wires making power connection and then any
other wires I began examining those.
I felt his impatience. It was as if I was questioning his
basic knowledge by double checking something that should be
obvious. Even as I did so, I saw in his mind that he hadn't
checked them at all. Sometimes we become blinded by our own
knowledge of a problem we overlook the obvious answers.
However, this wasn't as simple as plugging it into the wall.
There were several dozen connections. Each I pressed firmly to
confirm they were indeed in their socket. I checked all the
fuses, another basic step he seemed to overlook. Yet all looked
intact. So the next step was to go over the circuitry and laser
itself.
The thing about lasers is they're not like any normal circuit I
ever worked on. They're complicated devices depending more upon
physics than electronics and that was where my knowledge became
fuzzy. When you amplify a laser beam it is not done with
electronic circuitry. Luckily, though he was only increasing
the power in the electronic pumping section that is where the
beam is generated.
I took a closer look. I realized I no longer needed a
magnifying glass. My eyes could make out every pin and every
fiber of dust. Still nothing was apparent. He would have seen
something if there were. I asked to see his schematic.
That was where things got funky. Apparently vampires have no
need for printed schematics if their memory is perfect. So he
showed me his schematic in his mind. It was not organized in
any fashion and there were calculations thrown randomly in. To
make things worse there were changes and markups in his mind's
eye that may or may not be on the board.
"Please tell me you have something somewhere that is
documented."
He shrugged and led me to a computer. The schematic was
already loaded and while a little more clear it wasn't very
organized. Circuits weren't modularized. There was no top down
structure or any order at all that I can find. "I can clean
this up for you if you like."
"Just help with this."
I sighed and compared the markups to the schematic and again
shook my head. "This schematic doesn't have any of your
changes."
"It will."
So armed with what little knowledge I had I went back to the
circuit and found, surprise of all surprises, it matched neither
the schematic in his head nor the computer. While his circuit
was as it was in his mind, the one leading up to it matched
neither. It had a couple of components piggybacked together
indicating that someone had probably made changes he was unaware
of and from what I could tell would do just as he said.
"There's your problem."
He followed my finger and simply said, "Oh." He spaced out for
a second that is totally normal for him but I caught a snippet
of his mental interaction with someone who showed him the
changes they made or intended to make.
Wen, no longer really the Master of All Things any longer
completely ignored me now. I shrugged. That's gratitude for
you.
I walked off to the back room he indicated earlier. I knocked
on the door before opening it and catching Urquhart snorting a
nose full of cocaine. He wiped his nose and sniffed up the
excess. I rolled my eyes.
"Come in, Antoniette. Come in. Care for some? It's the
purest you'll ever find."
"No thanks." Surely he could sense my disgust, but then again
it probably dulls his mind and he wouldn't be able to read mine.
He's probably the one who messed up Wen's circuit in the first
place.
"I didn't mess it up. I fixed it. He was about to blow three
transistors with his changes." Well so much for his mind
reading ability being dulled.
"I've come to ask you a favor." I started but he waved me off.
"I'll do you one. I will have you assigned as our Quality
Assurance guru. You have a natural knack for finding and
solving problems. I think you'll help a lot. You can start by
going over our schematics in more details to see if you can spot
any potential problems."
"Thanks, but that's not why I'm here."
"Oh?" He started to do another line.
"I… Uh… Do you have to do that now?"
"When's a better time?"
When I'm not here, I thought but didn't voice my opinion.
"Do you know what 'the nose knows' means?" I blurted before he
could distract me again. "Does it have anything to do with the
prophecy?"
"The nose knows? What does the nose know if it there's no
noise?" Okay the drugs were starting to take hold. "The nose-
Hey, you are simply brilliant." His mind was a whirl of
activity as from what I could make out he was creating some sort
of scent detector.
"Urquhart! There's a book that needs a key. First, there was
a note that said to search out Netikerty, you remember her don't
you? I found her journal but then there was a comment about the
nose. Do you know anything about it? You took over her
research from her didn't you?" He stared at me blankly. "Tell
me what you know!" I shoved my mind into his but I didn't get
any further than circuit lines being drawn between parts. He
still had a glazed over look in his eyes. "Urquhart?" I waved
my hand in front of his face. It was no use. I'd hit another
brick wall. I walked out and went to find a computer to look at
their schematics.
And that was how I got my second job as a vampire in as many
days.
***
I left there with my head full of circuits and laser beams and
much more information than I ever needed to know. So naturally
what do I do? I went seeking out more ways to fill my brain.
If they thought this job would keep me too busy to do my own
studying, they were wrong.
I went to the library. The only place I could think to look
was the medical section on olfactory senses. I wasn't at if for
very long when a hand slid across my back and a soft voice
whispered in my ear. "So what did Urquhart tell you?"
I scoffed. "Nothing, he was too hopped up on coke."
"Damn, I was hoping you'd get to him before he started in.
He's quite useless once he becomes started on it." Missy placed
herself in the chair next to me. She leaned in a little closer
than I was comfortable with. My mouth started salivating and I
realized I hadn't fed since Kenneth the day before. She didn't
seem put off by these thoughts. I swear over the time that we
sat there pouring through books she even moved closer.
"He knew Netikerty much better than I. I asked him if he'd
speak to you about her. He said yes, but my guess is he had
second thoughts. No matter, I will help you research." She
reached across me to take a book and I caught a scent of her.
My heart pounded and I gripped the table so that I wouldn't lay
a hand on her. She smiled at me then began reading to herself.
After a few minutes, I allowed myself to relax and become
engulfed in a book myself. After several hours the books
engulfed me. There were piles and piles and I'd made no
progress. Missy had given up for the night, but I could not.
Well, I'd given up on finding the thing I was initially looking
for. There were only a couple dozen books on olfactory senses.
Now I was onto neuron transmission. Each time I find a little
something that may be of interest I get so engrossed by it that
I forget what I was looking for.
Missy came back the next night and got me back on track. Well,
as much as she could anyway, there wasn't much trail left for us
to follow. She is quite flighty though and when a few tasty
morsels happened by she took them back to her room. Of course I
was invited.
I kept at my work though. I was too intrigued at what I was
finding. By now I had worked my way through to the psychology
department following an idea bout how the sense of smell affects
memory. Of course that didn't last long when I found
information on creating false memories. This had so many
implications I couldn't begin to count them. Primarily, how
could I know my own memories were true? Second, how can I trust
the memories I was making then? Third, and this was the
scariest, how could I use this new knowledge of mind
manipulation and false memories to my advantage?
I could smell humans all the time. I smelt their blood, and
their body odor. Most of the slaves didn't smell too bad. I
think it had to do with the soap we used, it seemed to work
better than anything store bought. Something distracted me now
as I read up on a case study of memory control. A new scent
caught my attention. Blood, I knew it had to be as my mouth
started watering. It wasn't close by but there was a tinge of
something different about the smell of this blood. I certainly
smelt the blood as if someone had been cut. It had the
oxygenated smell to it once blood touches air. When I drink
blood a vacuum is normally formed from my mouth to their skin
and very little oxygen gets in so that chemical reaction doesn't
take place until after I stop drinking. It smells different.
Could this be a clue as well? Could the smell of fresh blood
be what I needed to seek out, to follow my nose to find the
answer? But how? Such a thing is not planned and those clues
were certainly premeditated. Still I decided to follow the
scent, just to see where my nose led me.
I walked through the library and through the slave court. How
far could this scent be? I knew we could smell blood from afar
but I thought that meant a few feet. I certainly hadn't gone
this far for blood before.
I passed through the gym and it grew stronger. Had someone
hurt themselves on the equipment? I searched out for thoughts
of pain but nothing came to me. I walked through the gym into
the locker room and knew I was close. Three people were there,
Eugene, Rick and Gwen. The latter had a tampon in her hand.
"Oh, hi." She said somewhat dispassionately. We hadn't really
talked since my subortus.
I looked from her hand to her face and sniffed the air. It
didn't take a genius to put it all together.
"Is there something you want, or are you just going to stand
there like a total dweeb?" Gwen asked when I didn't say hi back.
"Um… You're-" I couldn't get the word menstruating out. I
licked my lips as the smell of the blood was really intoxicating
and yet I became so revolted by the thought of where it was
coming from. I shouldn't be. Lord knows a few vampires took me
during my cycle, but I wasn't them. I could feel my cheeks
warming from my embarrassment as I felt Gwen had come to the
conclusion of why I was there.
"It's not like it's a totally big deal. We can like go into
the next room if you-"
"N-no. No!" I stammered. "I'll… Um… Just leave. Sorry for
interrupting." I finally managed to collect myself. I took a
deep breath to try to steady myself but that was a bad idea. I
could taste it on the air. I nearly hurled.
I moved fast down the hall to get as far away from Gwen as I
could. The thing was by this point I became so starved for
blood by the scent of it that I might have taken her if she had
been any closer. As it was Meg was the unfortunate soul I met
in the hall. I pinned her against the wall before she realized
what was happening and bit her hard.
I relished in the blood. I didn't feel much coming from her
but that didn't really matter I just wanted something to satiate
my hunger and get the other off my mind. I easily could have
taken too much from Meg. Somehow I managed to stop myself.
We both slid to the ground when I finished: I out of self
loathing and she out of exhaustion. She leaned into me and
laced her fingers in mine. I gently pulled away.
I really didn't need a slave becoming infatuated with me. I
stood and offered her my hand. She pulled on it and was able to
steady herself on her feet. "Will you be okay? Can you make it
to the infirmary by yourself?"
"Yeah, sure." She was disappointed that I was unresponsive. I
shook my head and returned to my books.
It'd take a while to replace that memory with a false one. So
I immersed myself back into my books and for several hours. I
went from retrograde amnesia to separation-individuation and
then on to stereotyped movements. This was all very depressing.
Heremon must have sensed my vulnerability. The shark circled.
"What's all this?" He flipped through a book. "Trying to catch
up half of my level of intellect?"
I ignored him.
Then came the attack. "So you've been spending some time with
that freckled freak."
I had no idea what he was talking about so I gave in and gave
him the attention he desired. "Who?" His mind filled with red
hair and a light smile. Strange I hadn't really noticed her
freckles before. They were highlighted in his mind. They're
kind of cute really. She was quite beautiful in his eyes and I
found I had to suppress thoughts from Al. Loving thoughts
towards Missy and violent ones towards Heremon.
"Perhaps you should be exploring the self help section; under
anger management." He taunted.
I knew if I just didn't respond he'd lose interest but I was
finding it difficult to hold back. He smirked and I felt he
thought up another devilish thing. "Want to know a secret about
that Polack?"
"No!" I said a little too abruptly. He meant it as a slur as
Missy is from Poland. The term was out of date even then and I
shouldn't let it get to me. Of course, none of that would stop
him.
"She's lied to you." He said.
"As if that's something new."
"Al's lied to you."
That stopped me and made me think. How could Al have lied to
me? He's a part of me now and I'd know the difference between
truth and lies.
"She is not what you think. Al should have told you about her."
"Is there a point to this?" I asked when he didn't continue.
"Her offer to help you is only so she can gain something in
return."
"And what are you gaining by telling me this?"
He smiled and continued with his original statement. "She
knows what you're after and is trying to get to it first. She
doesn't want you to have it."
"Okay, I'll bite what am I after?" I had a feeling he really
didn't know what he was talking about and as he was blocking me
I couldn't find out.
He laughed. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."
He smacked me in the back of the head and got up to leave.
This pissed me off to no end and I let him know it by busting
through his mental block. Apparently I don't know my own
strength as it caused him pain and he fell to his knees
clutching his head. I found what I wanted and quickly got out
of there. I saw the book to which I was trying to find the key.
It was open and the pages fluttered by too fast for me to see
them. I couldn't slow the memory down.
I grabbed Heremon by the collar and lifted him to my level.
"What do you know of this?" When he didn't answer, I shook him.
"Tell me! Why is it so important?"
He laughed again. "It's not important at all. You'll see.
They're making a bigger deal out of it than it is. All this
confidentiality over it is foolish. It's just a book of names,
nothing more."
"Whose names?"
"I don't know."
"Then how do you know it's unimportant?" I shook him again and
I think he realized how angry I was and he became defensive.
"Now, now. No need to be upset." His voice cracked and I
heard someone shushing us in the distance. "I don't know but I
know they've tricked you, that's all."
I pounded into his mind again. I had to get the information
from him one way or another. As slimy as I felt going in and
getting it, I couldn't see any other way.
There was a meeting, not very long ago. It was fuzzy. This
was the first time I encountered this but apparently it wasn't
as uncommon as it seems (some people's memories just aren't that
clear). I couldn't make out anyone but the King and that was
only because of his crown. A deep voice behind me said, "She's
found the book."
"Where? I thought Netikerty destroyed it?" A female asked.
"It is no matter." Said the King, "She can have it and be
misled by it."
That's it, that's all there was, the memory faded. Frustrated
I dropped Heremon and he collapsed as if he'd been beaten. I
sat back in my chair and ignored him trying to digest this new
information. Why all the secrecy if they didn't care about the
book after all? Maybe he was right, maybe it's not as important
as I thought and this is just another of their games.
I hadn't noticed Heremon slither away. It didn't matter. Did
any of this matter? All this studying was for naught. All my
hard work, for naught. I'd been so stupid!
I chucked a book at the shelf nearest me and a dozen others
fell to the ground. I didn't care that I was creating more work
for the slaves. I really didn't care about much at that point.
My life was falling apart.
I was about to toss another book, as it seemed more therapeutic
than reading them until my eyes glanced over something. A
picture of a woman with a weapon and the caption that read
"Patty Hearst liberation fighter or brainwash victim?"
Brainwash? It caused me to look at the book closer. It was the
next article I was set to read and now I'm glad I didn't throw
the book away. The definition was; "Stockholm Syndrome is the
behavior of kidnap victims who, over time, become sympathetic to
their captors." This hit home hard.
Kidnap victims being brainwashed to love their vamp- er
captors. I read on. It described the original incident that
sparked the name. It also describes Patty Hearst's case in
which she, the daughter of a millionaire, was kidnapped to
negotiate the release of their companions who'd been arrested
for murder. Her captors shoved her in a closet, raped and
abused. Her captors flooded her with propaganda and forced her
to denounce her family. After a while, she started to believe
their lies, conformed to their way of thinking and even helped
them.
Yeah, nothing like me.
This was not something I wanted to know. This was just added
to my top ten list of things that I wish I had never learned.
Maybe if I could use that memory erase trick on myself?
Of course, I couldn't stop reading. I was watching the train
wreck that was my life hit a 70 car pileup on a collapsing
bridge fall into a boiling pit of lava and I couldn't look away.
It all made sense now. Everything! I couldn't escape from the
vampires because escape was never possible. Lacey and so many
others love the vampires because they're psychologically messed
up.
I had to learn more. If I could find out more about this
disease, maybe I could do something about it. I found a book
dedicated to the subject and began reading. I paced while I did
so. I was so hopped up on blood, agitated by Heremon and
everything else that I couldn't stop.
I had without realizing it allowed my feet to take me up to the
building. No one was guarding it so I guess whoever was going
to attempt to escape had given up. The only reason I even
realized I was there is because I saw something I didn't think
possible.
It was something I hadn't seen in a while and not since
becoming a vampire. Sunlight. There was nothing to cover the
windows but dirt and so attenuated rays of the golden sun shone
upon the floor. I gazed at it in wonder. I could make out
every particle of dust in its path. Amazingly they glowed all
colors of the rainbow and then some. I walked slowly over to
one of the windows. I felt the heat but it wasn't intense. I
placed a hand tentatively in the beam. My hand became
increasingly hot, as if it would if you placed it over a candle
flame for a long time, only this happened quicker. I didn't
pull away. I was too intrigued.
My hand didn't burst into flames or even sizzle. Then again,
there wasn't much light coming through the filth covered window.
I looked over to the door. Dare I see what the sun's full
effect had upon me? I didn't think about it much more than that
as I opened the door.
A gush of warm air enveloped me as I blinked to adjust my eyes
to the light. I looked to the sky that was mostly overcast with
white fluffy clouds. I couldn't look at them for long for the
reflection off them blinded me. I took a step outside. The
temperature seemed to raise ten degrees and the more steps I
took away from the shade of the building the hotter it got.
I subconsciously knew what I was doing. Consciously I was
exploring something I hadn't seen before and didn't think I'd
see ever again. Subconsciously my body and mind wanted me out
there to burn. To die.
When my consciousness caught up my feet stopped, for now my
survival instincts kicked in. I turned around and headed back
for the door.
You've no reason to live. A voice said in my head. It was
right. So I didn't enter the building.
Kiddo, don't. You can still help the others. That voice was
more familiar as Al was always my voice of reason. The thing
was I didn't want to listen to him this time. I was tired of
believing I was going to do anything good for anyone, including
myself.
So I turned back around and ran forcing my feet to move against
their will. They tried to trip me up many times. It wasn't
until I reached a little bit of shade from some tall bushes that
they were successful. I bit my lip as I fell and hit the ground
hard. I even cried at the thought of what I was doing but the
voice in my head was persistent; You must give justice to those
you've hurt.
I recognized the voice now as Old Bill's. My feet had led me
halfway to town and I had a feeling they wanted me to go
further. He wanted me to make amends for what I had done. As a
vampire though, I knew better and I planted myself there so
neither instinct would take over.
I cried as I fought myself to stay put. This wasn't like the
times I tried to commit suicide before. Then I was trying to
escape by any means necessary. This time it was because I
really didn't deserve to live. I knew that. I needed to suffer
for all the pain I've caused and this was the ultimate
punishment.
Like a regular sunburn, I really didn't feel it for sometime.
Sure it was hot. I don't know what the actual temperature was
but to me it felt somewhere near 110 degrees Fahrenheit. I'd
been out there for a good ten minutes and my skin had hardly
turned pink.
My eyes had been the first to start hurting. That was easily
resolved by closing them and then when they still hurt putting
my arm over them. I laid down hoping to burn faster by exposing
myself more. Why was this taking so long?
Once I realized I'd baked quite a while on one side, like any
typical sunbather I flipped over. Sure it would have been more
effective to take my clothes off but the UV's were passing
through them easily enough already.
After some time on either side, it did start to hurt. At first
it simply stung to touch parts of my skin. After quite a while
longer the blisters began to form and that's when I really
thought about taking off my clothes as they rubbed the blisters
and made me want to scratch. The moment I did scratch a wave of
pain ran through my body making everything else hurt. So I
tried not to scratch much.
When I dared to look, I think it was after a couple of hours, I
watched as my skin went from red to brown to black and even
white in some areas. My fingertips had become numb and other
spots might have too but I wasn't paying much attention. I felt
the burning now down to my bones. If I moved in the slightest
everything would hurt.
What I did notice is the parts of me that weren't in direct
sunlight didn't hurt as much as others. I believed they healed
slightly while not being charred. I came to realize this was
not the fastest course of suicide I've ever taken. Perhaps it
would work faster on a bright and sunny day. I had a feeling
that it wouldn't. The movies make it look so quick and
painless. Well, I guess that's another myth I'd have to tell
Kenneth wasn't true.
The stupid thing is I knew this. I knew the sun wouldn't kill
me. They'd told me there was only two ways to die. There's
only two ways to kill a vampire; draining the blood and
beheading. I guess I had to try though.
I stayed out despite knowing I might not die. I'd done enough
lately that I wasn't proud of and Old Bill was quite persuasive
in giving me what I deserved.
Damn it hurt.
Dusk began to fall and I'd swear it got worse. The sun peaked
under the clouds and its red glow singed my hair. I cried for
the pain of the burning and the renewal of the healing skin. I
couldn't stand it any longer and began to crawl towards safety.
It was completely dark by the time I reached the door. The
sliver of the moon was hardly visible but I could still see just
fine. Pieces of my charred flesh were beginning to break up.
As I crawled the sand tore at my skin and the cloth that had
melted to it. It slowly peeled away and the pebbles scratched
at the fresh tender skin.
I pulled myself up on the porch railing to keep from rubbing
against the wood slats too much. My muscles groaned from the
strain. I rested there for a few minutes avoiding looking at
myself in the windows. I knew I simply looked terrible. I
didn't care.
My legs hardly felt as if they could hold my weight much longer
so I stumbled inside to find a chair. I plopped down and
despite the pain allowed myself to melt into it.
"About time you got here." Mistress Kama snapped. She stood
above me now. I had no idea where she'd come from. "Get up!"
I started at her. She didn't really expect me to comply did
she? She could punish me for disobeying her for all I cared. I
wasn't moving.
"I said-"
"Go to hell!"
I expected her to blow her top. Instead she watched me for a
couple of seconds before pulling a chair over to sit across from
me. If she was concerned for my well being or even disgusted at
my appearance, she didn't show it. As if talking to a two year
old she said slowly, "What were you doing out there?"
"Trying to kill myself." She knew that, but I didn't want to
play games anymore.
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter." She was trying to bait me.
"Toni, I'm concerned about you."
"Yeah, sure you are." The little bit of rest was almost like
several hours sleep. I began to feel a little better
physically. My stiff muscles were beginning to tingle. So I
peeled myself off the chair, literally as I left a layer of skin
behind. I walked around a little to get the blood flowing
again. I'd need more soon I could feel it.
Kama watched me in silence until I asked, "What are you doing
here?"
"Waiting for you to come to your senses."
I wanted to strangle her, but I just didn't have the strength.
"No. Why are you here? Why not Bram? Or even Keir?"
"I'm afraid they are both busy." She said as if it were
nothing.
How could they be so busy and not care that I just attempted
suicide again? What a load of-
I ground my teeth. I needed to throw something. The only
thing close by was the book I had brought up with me. I hurled
it as hard as I could at Kama.
She didn't even flinch as she plucked it from the air.
"Argh!" I screamed in frustration. I marched over to her.
"You want to know why I don't want to live? There! That's
why!" I jabbed my finger at the book in her hands.
"Stockholm syndrome!" I belted with all the anger and
frustration I'd built up since becoming a vampire. My anger
outweighed hers and she stared at me blankly. "You people have
brainwashed us to love you."
"Of course." She didn't even deny it!
"Not just the slaves, but the King's used it to keep us
vampires in line."
"Yes."
"And this doesn't bother you?"
"Why should it?"
"Because we don't have any free will!" It pissed me off that
she wasn't fighting back.
"Did you ever? Toni, you've known all this for years. Is the
only reason you're bringing it up now is because you've read a
book that's put a name to your condition?"
"No!" I stopped to think about it. Was she right? "There's
more to it then that!"
"Then tell me. Why are you so upset about this? Why has it
consumed you?"
"I'm interested now because now that I know what it is, I can
maybe find a way to cure it." I said.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Kama asked.
"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"
"One day when you're Queen you will want their loyalty."
"If I become Queen the slaves will be released and be a null
issue."
"You may want to rethink that." She said no more on the
subject. Her mind was so filled with anger that I couldn't
really follow her thoughts. Then she said quietly, "You know
Keir will still be upset at you for this."
"For discovering what you people have done to me?"
"No, for this." She raised my still brown and blistered hand
for me to see.
I ripped it from her and winced in pain. "Yeah, I don't care."
"Antoniette!"
God, not another lecture!
She heard that and I felt her give in. "My dear, I'm trying to
protect you. Keir and I had a pact. If I kept you from doing
something improper he won't hurt you. I know how you feel and
why you went out there. You need to realize that whatever pain
you induce is only masking the real problem. It doesn't solve
anything."
"Obviously! Because I'm not dead yet."
"Do yourself a favor and realize I care about you. I don't
want to see you dead."
"You can all just go to hell!" I screamed on the verge of
tears.
"Antoniette, that is no way to treat your genitor, your lover,
or your Mistress."
"If you care about me so much then why have you let them do
this to me?" I shook my head. I didn't really want to hear her
answer. "None of you care! If Bram or Keir cared they'd be
here."
"No they-"
"They would be here! You're probably only here because
somebody had to admonish me for my suicide attempt."
"That's not-"
I was so enraged at this point I didn't even hear her. "You
don't care if my mind's so messed up that I can't think
straight. You don't care if I have hundreds of dreams that make
no sense. No one cares that I have a blood lust I can't
control. Why would you? I'm a vampire now, right? Why would
you care if it wrenches me up inside?"
The tears had started streaming by this point and I did nothing
to stop them. Kama just stood there dumbfounded. "All you care
about is yourselves! It's all about you, never about me. The
slaves and I do everything we can to please you people and this
is how you return the favor? Brainwashing?
"You care that I'm around for you to torture. You care that
I'm here to do your bidding. You care that I'm here to make you
happy, but the instant I don't make any of you happy or do
something you don't like, that's when you get upset. Not
because I tried to escape or tried to commit suicide or even
found some information that could help me. Me!
"No, but when I find or do something that makes you
uncomfortable, that's when it's time to care! Right. Thanks!"
"I know you're hurt and confused right now." She tried to talk
but I wouldn't let her.
"Don't you even start with your manipulative propaganda! I
can't bear listening to another word." She took an imploring
step forward. I stuck my hand out.
"I can't believe I let you people make me a vampire. I can't
believe you people made me love you! Bram, Keir and even you,
'Mistress.' I can not accept it and I will find a way to break
it."
"Be rational, my dear. We car-"
"Why don't you go out into the sunlight tomorrow and see how
much I care!" I rushed for the door and slammed it in her face.
I made my way through the trap door and endless corridors,
sullen and alone.
By: Christine Schnell
